After the Hydration Frenzy, Tajdin decided the only rational move was to get a normal boring job.
Something nobody would follow him for.
Something destiny would never consider "revolutionary."
He created a new list:
BORING JOB OPTIONS
Postman
Accountant
Ticket inspector
Guy who sweeps leaves
Museum gift shop cashier
Lamp salesman (very boring)
Karl peered over his shoulder.
"Adolf, why don't you choose politics? Everyone likes you!"
Tajdin stared at him. "Karl, I would rather be a lamp."
Karl shrugged. "Okay then. Lamp salesman it is!"
Lamp Salesman Disaster
The lamp shop was empty, quiet and perfect.
The most uncharismatic location in Austria.
Tajdin felt hope.
The manager, Herr Gustav, explained the job.
"You stand here. People come in. You point to lamps. You say, 'That's a lamp.' That's it."
It was paradise.
Then a customer walked in.
"Hello, do these lamps help with… sadness?"
Tajdin replied, professionally,
"No. It's just a lamp."
The customer gasped. "A man who tells the truth in business… astonishing!"
Another customer entered.
Then another.
Soon a small crowd formed.
They all stared at Tajdin like he was a prophet of lighting fixtures.
He tried to shut it down.
"Please leave. It's just lamps."
But someone shouted,
"He believes in simplicity! A visionary!"
Another said,
"He stands against overpriced home décor! A true leader of our wallets!"
Within an hour, posters appeared:
"ADOLF SAYS: LIGHT FOR EVERY HOME!"
The lamp shop sold out.
Gustav cried tears of joy.
"You saved my business! You should run the whole city!"
Tajdin internally screamed.
The Ticket Inspector Fiasco
Next day, Tajdin tried again: ticket inspector on the city tram.
It seemed foolproof.
Nobody likes ticket inspectors.
It was perfect.
He stepped onto the tram and said stiffly,
"Tickets, please."
Passengers reluctantly handed them over.
One woman didn't have one.
Tajdin prepared for society to reject him.
"Oh well, no ticket. Fine — just… sit."
The woman blinked.
"No fine?"
"Correct. I am choosing mercy."
People gasped.
"Mercy… from a ticket inspector?!"
Rumors spread like wildfire.
By noon newspapers read:
A KIND INSPECTOR OF THE PEOPLE! ADOLF SAYS: MERCY FOR THE WORKING CLASS!
By evening the tram was full of citizens hoping to witness the legend.
Karl appeared with snacks.
"You're trending!"
"HOW?!" Tajdin yelled.
"You show compassion," Karl said proudly. "Very political of you."
Tajdin put his face in his hands.
Destiny Levels Up
That night, community groups began forming.
Not political parties — that would be too direct.
They called themselves:
THE PRETZEL CLUB
THE HYDRATION SOCIETY
THE LIGHT & MERCY MOVEMENT
Each group had one thing in common:
Admiration for Adolf.
Tajdin attempted to attend one meeting to shut it down.
He walked in and said,
"I don't want power. Please stop."
The room burst into applause.
"LOOK AT HIS HUMILITY!" someone shouted.
"He REJECTS power! Therefore he deserves it even more!"
Tajdin tried again.
"I truly do not want leadership. I want a normal life!"
An old man sobbed,
"A man who hates power — the only one worthy of it!"
Karl leaned over, whispering,
"I think you invented anti-politics. It's very popular."
Tajdin stared at the crowd chanting his name.
He whispered,
"Destiny doesn't just want me to be a leader…
Destiny wants me to be the worst speedrun of history ever recorded."
And destiny, somewhere in the cosmic background, nodded approvingly.