Tajdin entered diplomacy with one goal:Prevent war by making friendship too boring to oppose.
His brilliant plan?Host an international Tea & Railways Summit.
He invited major powers to Berlin to discuss:
standardized teacup sizes
harmonized departure whistles
grain prices
fish quotas
tariff spreadsheets
On paper: peace.In practice: catastrophic comedy.
Britain (Confused)
British diplomats arrived whispering, "If the Germans want tea, something must be wrong."
After three hours of fish quota analysis, the British delegation concluded:
"He's plotting… something. Nobody discusses haddock without intent."
France (Suspiciously Resigned)
The French delegation chain-smoked through tariff charts, muttering:
"We have survived revolutions; we can survive spreadsheets."
They assumed the boredom was psychological warfare.
Italy (Dramatically Hungry)
Mussolini sent a note demanding:
"Bring forth the Biscuits of Destiny!"
Tajdin apologized, explaining they were just normal biscuits.
Italy declared them "symbolic biscuits," which was somehow worse.
Soviet Union (Paranoid Owl Mode™)
The Soviet delegation sat silently through the whole summit, staring with owlish suspicion while scribbling notes titled:
"Railways = ???"
Sometimes diplomacy is 80% vibes and 20% misinterpretation. This summit was 100% misinterpretation.
Meanwhile in Universe HQ – Timeline Correction Office
Historian A: "His attempts at peace are generating tension instead of peace."Historian B: "Excellent. Unintended consequences exceed projections."They stamped the chart:
TIMELINE CORRECTION: 71%
A cosmic intern whispered: "Should we increase misunderstanding by 3%?"
"Make it 5%," Historian A replied gravely.
The Military Spreadsheet Incident
Back home, Tajdin demanded a budget audit.
He gave the Finance Ministry one instruction:
"Cut unnecessary expenses!"
Destiny nudged the spreadsheet.
What Tajdin meant:
Less bureaucracy
Less beige
More plumbing
What the Finance Ministry meant:
Reduce luxury officer hats
Increase industrial efficiency
Rationalize logistics
Mass-produce boots "for economy"
Foreign spies intercepted the spreadsheets.
Britain concluded: "Germany is preparing for rapid mobilization."France concluded: "We must smoke twice as much."Italy concluded: "Destiny biscuits are inspiring!"The Soviets concluded nothing and stared more ominously.
Destiny quietly added:
TIMELINE CORRECTION: 78%
Tajdin's Next Peace Attempt
Desperate, Tajdin proposed a Universal Knitting League (UKL).
His aim: unite nations in yarn-based cooperation.
The reaction was tragically predictable:
Britain: "Knitted codes?"
France: "Yarn diplomacy?"
Soviets: "… espionage blankets?"
Italy: "DO THE BISCUITS RETURN??"
Destiny giggled in cosmic silence.
Final Scene — Destiny Tightens the Screws
That night, Tajdin reviewed reports:
Beige production booming
Infrastructure humming
International confusion peaking
Military efficiency rising accidentally
Stock market happy for no understandable reason
He rubbed his temples.
"I just wanted peace and sewage reform…"
Somewhere above, Destiny whispered:
"And I just wanted my timeline back, buddy."
The universe stamped:
TIMELINE CORRECTION: 82%
History was reassembling itself, piece by ridiculous piece.