**Z-Valhalla. Commercial District.**
**Tuesday. 8:00 AM. Opening Shift.**
The merger of the dimensions has created a unique economy.
The old supermarkets were too small for Giants. The god-shops were too expensive for humans.
So, a new monolith was built.
**IKEA: VALHALLA BRANCH.**
*(Swedish furniture meets Norse endurance).*
Saitama stands at the Employee Entrance.
He wears a yellow polo shirt with blue trim. His name tag says *'TRAINEE'*.
Genos stands beside him, wearing a uniform that is perfectly tailored to his chassis. His name tag says *'EXECUTIVE ASSISTANT'*.
Adam (The Father) is sweeping the parking lot in a loincloth and a reflective vest.
"Why are we here, Master?" Genos asks, adjusting his collar.
"Because the apartment repair costs exceed our savings," Saitama states, deadpan. "Also, Adam broke the toilet. Divine strength is not good for porcelain."
Saitama punches in.
*Beep.*
**The Assignment.**
A Manager approaches.
It is **Loki**.
The Trickster God is the Floor Manager. It is the perfect job for a deity of chaos.
"Welcome, trainees!" Loki grins. "Saitama! You are in the 'Return Department'. Customers are angry. They have broken items. They want refunds. Deal with them."
Saitama sighs. "Customer service? I hate talking to people."
"If you survive the shift," Loki dangles a carrot, "you get the Employee Discount on the meatball plate."
Saitama's eyes flash.
"Understood."
**The Queue from Hell.**
Saitama stands behind the Returns Desk.
The line stretches out the door.
It includes demons, monsters, Karens, and dissatisfied Valkyries.
**Customer 1: The Minotaur.**
The Minotaur slams a broken chair onto the counter.
"THIS CHAIR BROKE!" the monster roars. "It said 'Heavy Duty'! I sat on it, and it turned to dust!"
Saitama inspects the splintered wood.
"Sir, did you read the weight limit?"
"I CANNOT READ!"
Saitama points to the sign behind him. **"WE DO NOT REFUND USER ERROR."**
"Sorry. Store policy."
The Minotaur snorts. Steam shoots from his nose.
"I WANT MY GOLD BACK! OR I BREAK YOU!"
He raises a massive axe.
Saitama looks at the axe. He looks at the Manager (Loki) watching from a hidden camera.
"Is fighting allowed?" Saitama asks the air.
Loki's voice over the intercom: *"Only if you don't damage store property."*
Saitama turns back to the Minotaur.
"Normal Move: Confiscate."
He snatches the axe.
He bends the steel blade into a pretzel.
"Here," Saitama hands it back. "Store credit."
The Minotaur stares at his ruined weapon. He pales. He takes the bent axe and shuffles away quietly.
**Customer 2: Aphrodite.**
The Goddess of Beauty floats up. She is surrounded by stone golems holding a disintegrated sofa.
"It doesn't match my aura," Aphrodite complains. "I want to exchange it."
"Do you have the receipt?" Saitama asks.
"Receipt?" Aphrodite laughs. "I am a Goddess! My word is truth!"
"No receipt, no return," Saitama says flatly. He stamps a form. **DENIED.**
Aphrodite gasps. "You deny me? Do you know who I am?!"
"Lady," Saitama says, bored. "You're blocking the line. There's a queue of goblins behind you."
Aphrodite summons her golems. "Crush this insolence!"
The golems charge.
Saitama leans over the counter.
He flicks a paperclip.
*PING.*
The paperclip ricochets off the first golem's head, bounces to the second, hits the third, and lands back in the paperclip holder.
The golems crumble into gravel.
"Next," Saitama calls out.
Aphrodite shrieks and storms off to find a Manager.
**Customer 3: Garou (in disguise).**
A man wearing a hoodie and sunglasses approaches. He holds a blender.
"This blender," Garou says, disguising his voice. "It doesn't blend. I tried to make a smoothie, and it exploded."
Saitama looks at the blender. The blade is melted.
"Did you try to blend rocks?"
"No," Garou lies. "Just... very hard protein powder."
Saitama peers at Garou. He squints.
"Hey. You're the Dine-and-Dasher. The tree guy."
Garou flinches. "No! I am a legitimate customer!"
"You owe me for the radishes," Saitama says. "You can work it off. Go help Adam sweep the lot."
"I am the Absolute Evil!" Garou hisses. "I will not swee—"
Saitama stares at him.
The air in IKEA turns heavy. The meatballs in the cafeteria stop rolling.
Garou sighs.
He puts on a reflective vest.
"Fine. But only because I'm broke."
**The Lunch Break.**
Saitama sits in the cafeteria.
Genos sits opposite him.
Adam sits on the floor.
Garou sits at the next table, sulking.
They eat Swedish Meatballs.
"Excellent texture," Genos analyzes. "A mix of beef, pork, and trace amounts of divine ambrosia."
Saitama chews.
"It's good. But..."
He looks at the portion size. 10 meatballs.
"The coupon said 'Unlimited'."
Loki appears in a puff of smoke.
"Unlimited *refills*," Loki corrects. "You have to walk back to the line."
Saitama stands up instantly. "I'll be back."
**The Climax: The Flat-Pack God.**
An alarm sounds.
**CODE RED: AISLE 44.**
"We have a Kaiju in the Warehouse Section!"
The intercom crackles. *"Trainee Saitama! Please report to Aisle 44 for 'Heavy Lifting'."*
Saitama swallows his last meatball.
"Can't I finish lunch?"
"It's blocking the exit!" Loki yells.
Saitama runs to the warehouse.
Towering shelves reach 500 feet high.
A monster made of cardboard boxes and packing tape is rampageing.
**The Box Golem.** (Threat Level: Dragon).
**"WHERE IS THE INSTRUCTION MANUAL?!"** The golem roars. **"I HAVE EXTRA SCREWS! WHY?!"**
It swipes an arm made of flat-pack wardrobes.
Employees scatter. Thor (who works in Heavy Goods) tries to block with a pallet jack, but gets knocked into a pile of pillows.
"Help!" Thor yells. "The corners are sharp!"
Saitama arrives.
He looks at the golem.
He understands the pain. He, too, has built furniture and had spare parts left over.
"Hey," Saitama shouts. "Calm down! Did you check under the flap?"
**"THERE IS NO FLAP!"** The golem throws a dining table.
Saitama catches the table. He sets it down gently.
"Okay. You're upset. But you're messing up my store."
The golem charges. It attempts to fold Saitama into a box shape.
**Move: Violent Assembly.**
Saitama steps inside the monster's guard.
He places a hand on the cardboard chest.
"Normal Move: Disassembly."
Saitama pushes.
But he pushes at the *structural weak point*.
The tape peels. The cardboard un-folds. The staples pop.
In one second, the monster collapses into a neat stack of flat cardboard.
**"My... integrity..."** the monster whimpers as it flattens.
Saitama picks up the stack.
"Thor," Saitama says. "Put this on shelf 12. And scan it back into inventory."
**The Paycheck.**
End of Shift. 5:00 PM.
Saitama stands at the punch clock.
Loki hands him an envelope.
Saitama opens it.
**Total: 8,000 Yen.**
Saitama stares.
"8,000?"
"Taxes," Loki grins. "Union dues. Uniform rental fee. Meatball cost (employee discount deducted)."
Saitama's soul leaves his body.
8 hours. Fighting monsters. Confiscating axes. Disassembling golems.
For 8,000 yen.
"Being a hero pays better," Saitama realizes. "Barely."
"Will you come back tomorrow?" Loki asks hopeful (because profits are up).
Saitama looks at the vest. He looks at the badge.
He hands them to Garou.
"You're the new trainee. Congratulations."
Garou blinks. "What? No! I refuse!"
"You owe me," Saitama reminds him.
Saitama walks out into the sunset.
"Genos. Let's go home. I need a nap."
"Yes, Master."
As they leave, they hear Garou arguing with a Customer Minotaur about a return policy.
"I don't care about the receipt! Get out or I crush you!"
Saitama smiles.
The legacy of customer service lives on.