**The Moon. Merged Orbit.**
The Moon hangs over the fused city of Z-Valhalla. It is ugly.
It has a massive crater from Saitama's jump (OPM timeline) and cracks from where Typhon brushed against it (RoR timeline). It looks like a broken skull staring down at the ants below.
But the skull is waking up.
On the dark side of the moon, in the silence of vacuum, the dust shifts.
A monolith stands there. A cube. Blacker than space.
It pulses.
*Thump. Thump. Thump.*
A voice—slippery, heavy, tasting of oil and static—whispers across the void.
**"The barrier is down. The limit is broken. I offer... purpose."**
It doesn't speak to a monster. Monsters are disposable.
It speaks to the insecure. The forgotten. The punchlines.
**Z-Valhalla. The Temple of War (Currently a storage unit).**
**Ares**, the God of War, sits on a pile of folding chairs.
He holds a protein shake. He is trembling.
Since the Merger, he hasn't won a single fight. He lost to a door. He lost to gravity. He lost to a softball.
The humans don't pray to him. They make memes about him.
"I am Ares," he mutters, crushing the shaker cup. "I am War. I am Conflict."
He looks at his phone. He scrolls through 'Hero-Tube'.
**Video:** *Caped Baldy vs Satan - FULL FIGHT (Ares Reaction Compilation).*
The thumbnail is his face crying.
Views: 4 Billion.
"Pathetic," a voice whispers.
Not from the phone. From the corner of the storage unit.
Ares stands. He summons his spear.
"Who is there? I am an S-Class candidate! Reveal yourself!"
The shadows coil. A man steps out. But it isn't a man. It is a skin-suit made of the universe's texture. No face. just spiraling galaxies.
**God (OPM Avatar).**
"They laugh," the entity says. Its voice bypasses Ares's ears and vibrates his bone marrow. "Thor is respected. Zeus is feared. You... are a gif."
Ares lowers his spear. His lip quivers. "I try... I train..."
"Training is for mortals," the Entity reaches out a hand. "Power is given. Do you want to be the God of War again? Or do you want to be the God of Laundry?"
Ares looks at the folding chairs.
He looks at the memes.
He takes the hand.
**[CONTRACT SEALED.]**
The storage unit explodes.
Not with fire. With sheer *wrongness*. The laws of physics inside the room invert. Ares screams as his biology is rewritten. His divine ichor boils and turns into nebula-gas. His skin flakes off, revealing starlight underneath.
**Z-City. Saitama's Apartment. 10:00 AM.**
"We are broke."
Saitama drops the envelope on the table. It hits with the weight of Mjolnir.
It is the electric bill.
**Total: 45,000 Yen.**
"How?" Saitama whispers, face pale. "We haven't used the heater. We take cold showers. I unplugged the TV."
Genos scans the bill. His optical shutters click rapidly.
"Master. The merger of dimensions has caused 'Hyper-Inflation'. The cost of electrons has tripled because Zeus demands royalties for the use of lightning in the grid."
"Zeus charges for electricity?" Saitama's vein pops on his forehead. "He lives in a tent! What does he need money for?"
"Grapes," Satan (Mr. Red) answers from the kitchen. He is wearing his 'Kiss the Cook' apron, chopping onions violently. "And expensive moisturizers. He is terrified of wrinkles."
Saitama slumps onto the tatami. "I need a job. Hero work pays per monster, and since I killed the Big Ones, the spawn rates are down. Peace is bad for my wallet."
"There is an opportunity," King says. He is lying on the floor, playing a handheld console.
"The Hero Association is hosting a 'Pro-Hero / Divine Exhibition Match' today. Prize money for the winner is 1 million yen."
Saitama sits up. His eyes snap into focus.
The dullness vanishes.
"1 million?"
"Cash," King adds.
Saitama stands up. He puts on his red gloves.
"Genos. Red. We're going. King, bring the console. We might need wait-time entertainment."
"I am coming too," Satan puts down the knife. "I need to buy saffron. It is exorbitantly priced."
**The Exhibition Arena (District 5).**
The crowd is massive. Humans on one side, minor deities on the other.
Blast acts as the announcer (via hologram).
"Welcome to the Exhibition!" Blast's voice booms. "Today, we test the new hierarchy!"
**Match 1: Flashy Flash vs. Hermes.**
They stand in the center.
Hermes stretches his calves. "I hope you are fast, little ninja. I deliver pizza in three seconds."
Flashy Flash touches his sword hilt. "You are just a courier. I am speed itself."
*DING.*
They move.
Nobody sees them.
The arena looks empty.
Sonic booms erupt continuously. *CRACK-CRACK-CRACK.*
Winds rip the wigs off the spectators in the front row.
Three seconds later.
Flashy Flash appears on the left, panting.
Hermes appears on the right, sipping a soda.
"Draw," Blast announces.
**Match 2: Darkshine vs. Hercules.**
They lock hands. Test of Strength.
Muscles bulge. Veins pop like pythons.
Hercules is sweating. "You... you have glorious gloss! What oil is this?"
Darkshine smiles, weeping tears of joy. "It's luster, brother! Luster!"
They hug.
Match cancelled due to excessive bromance.
**The Main Event.**
"And now!" Blast shouts. "The entry everyone is waiting for! The Anomaly! The One-Punch Man!"
Saitama walks out. He looks bored. He waves weakly.
"Just give me the money. Who am I fighting?"
The opposite gate opens.
Mist pours out.
But it isn't theatrical mist. It's cosmic radiation. The Geiger counters in the stands start clicking like crickets.
A figure floats out.
It wears Ares's helmet, but the metal is melted into the flesh. The body is transparent, revealing galaxies spinning where organs should be.
He radiates absolute arrogance.
**Cosmic Ares.** (Threat Level: God).
The crowd goes silent.
Zeus, watching from the VIP box, drops his grapes.
"Ares?" Zeus whispers. "No... that is not my son. That is... *Him*."
Ares floats to the center. He does not touch the ground. He considers the ground unworthy.
"Father," Ares speaks. His voice is a multitude. "You charged him for lightning?"
Ares points a finger at the VIP box.
**Divine Move: Supernova Finger.**
A beam of condensed stellar energy shoots from his fingertip.
It vaporizes the VIP box.
Zeus, Odin, and Shiva jump out just in time, landing in the dirt.
The stadium wall melts. The shielding evaporates.
"I am the New Management," Ares declares. He spreads his arms. Gravity reverses. Rocks, popcorn, and civilians start floating upward.
"This arena... is too small."
**Action Phase.**
Saitama watches the VIP box burn.
"Hey!" Saitama yells. "The check was in there! The prize money!"
Ares looks down. He sees the bald man.
The Entity inside Ares smiles.
**"Found you. The Obstacle."**
Ares descends. He hovers inches from Saitama's face.
"Do you know what I am?" Ares asks. "I am the concept of War fueled by the power of God. I have infinite technique. Infinite energy."
Saitama squints.
"You look like a screensaver."
Ares twitches. The old Ares—the insecure one—surfaces for a split second, fueled by rage.
"SCREENSAVER?!"
**Move: Gamma Ray Spear.**
Ares conjures a spear made of a collapsing star. He thrusts.
It aims for Saitama's heart.
The heat instantly ignites the air in the stadium. Civilians scream as their clothes start to smolder.
Saitama doesn't block.
He sidesteps.
Simple. Boring. Sidestep.
The spear hits the ground.
*ZJJJJJT.*
The earth vanishes. A hole pierces through the crust, all the way to the mantle. Lava bubbles up.
"That's dangerous," Saitama says. "You almost hit the concession stand."
"Die!" Ares screams. He enters **Portal Mode**.
He opens hyperspace gates around Saitama.
Fists fly from everywhere. Millions of punches, each one carrying the force of a nuclear bomb.
*Bam-bam-bam-bam.*
Saitama stands in the center.
He is getting hit.
Explosions cover him. Smoke billows.
The crowd gasps. "Is he down? Is the Caped Baldy finished?"
The smoke clears.
Saitama is checking his gloves.
There is some soot on them.
"Genos," Saitama calls out calmly amidst the nuclear firestorm. "Does baking soda get out ash stains?"
"Affirmative, Master!" Genos yells from the sidelines (where he is shielding civilians). "But scrubbing is required!"
Saitama nods.
He looks at Ares.
"Okay. You're making a mess. And you burned the prize check."
Ares stops punching. He breathes heavily (conceptually).
"Why... won't... you... break?"
Saitama walks forward. Through the lava. Through the radiation.
"You got a power-up, huh? Someone gave you a shiny new suit?"
Saitama stops in front of the Cosmic God.
He raises a fist.
"But you're still the same guy underneath. Weak resolve."
Ares panics. **"I AM GOD! I AM WAR!"**
He gathers all his energy. He prepares a blast to wipe out the solar system.
**Move: Big Bang Cannon.**
Saitama doesn't wait for the speech.
**Serious Series: Serious Sneeze.** (Remix).
Saitama doesn't punch.
He flicks his nose.
Wait. No. He flicks Ares.
**Serious Flick.**
His finger hits Ares's forehead.
*THWACK.*
The sound is not wet meat. It is the sound of reality rebooting.
The kinetic force transfers into the cosmic entity.
The "God" shell shatters.
The galaxies inside Ares's body are blown out the back of his head, venting into space like exhaust.
Ares flies backward.
He spins so fast he creates a tornado.
He hits the far wall of the stadium. He goes through the wall. He goes through a mountain. He goes through a cloud layer.
He circumnavigates the globe.
He hits the *other* side of the stadium wall.
He lands face-first at Saitama's feet.
The Cosmic Armor strips away.
Ares lies there. Naked. Bruised. Human-colored.
He groans.
"Did... did I win?"
Saitama looks down.
"No. And you owe me a million yen."
**The Aftermath.**
Silence in the stadium.
Then, slow clapping.
Zeus walks out of the debris, dusting off his toga.
"My son," Zeus wipes a tear. "He survived a Serious Flick. He has grown strong."
The sky darkens.
Not from a monster. From a portal closing.
The Entity—God (OPM)—withdraws its influence. The experiment failed. Ares was a faulty vessel.
**"Not enough hate,"** the Void whispers in the ether. **"Too much cringe."**
Saitama stands amidst the ruin.
He looks at Blast.
"Hey, ref. Who won?"
Blast hovers down. He checks his scanner.
"Well, Ares left the ring boundary. Technically, a ring-out. Saitama wins."
"Yes!" Saitama pumps his fist. "The money!"
"However," Blast points to the melted VIP box, the magma hole in the floor, and the destroyed infrastructure. "The prize money is confiscated to pay for damages."
Saitama freezes.
The color drains from his world again.
He turns to stone.
"Damages?" Saitama whispers.
"Yeah. Liability clause." Blast shrugs. "Sorry, pal."
Saitama drops to his knees.
"My bill... the electricity..."
Satan (Mr. Red) walks up. He puts a hand on Saitama's shoulder.
"Do not weep, roommate. I managed to steal the saffron while everyone was watching the fight."
Saitama looks up. Tears in his eyes.
"Did you get the onions too?"
"Yes."
"Okay," Saitama stands up. "Let's go make curry."
**Cliffhanger.**
As they walk away, deep beneath the stadium...
The hole Ares created with his spear exposes a hidden chamber.
Something was buried there long before Valhalla merged with Z-City.
A casket. Sealed with chains of pure light.
The vibrations of the fight cracked the seal.
A hand punches through the lid.
A hand wrapped in white cloth.
**Adam.** The Father of Humanity.
He pulls himself up. His eyes are blank. His knuckleduster is glowing.
But he isn't the Adam from RoR.
He is tainted. The "God" entity didn't leave empty-handed. It left a seed.
Adam opens his eyes. They are black spirals.
**"Where are my children?"** corrupted Adam asks.
**"I need to prune them."**