"Listen, you don't have to do anything you don't want to. Talk to him, tell him how you feel. I bet he will understand Sam."
Nervously looking at the direction he and Enoch are speaking in.
I Sigh.
"You're right Cam. I'm just nervous. Something feels off. What if I'm not good enough? What if Alpha Jered and Seraphina are right? I'm not qualified to stand by his side? I can't even shift without a panic attack." Pair of hands grabbed me by the shoulder. Cam was holding onto me tightly staring directly at my eyes. Her anger palpable through her hands. "Dont you ever say that again. You are perfect. The moon Goddess knows exactly what she is doing. Fuck what Alpha Jered and Bitch face Seraphina said. There is no one more qualified than you to be queen. Shifting? We will get through it. We will talk it out everyday if we have to. You are not the only one who was affected by the fire Sam." Stepping back, I see her eyes water over. "I was there too Sam. I saw the fire go up and cover the room. I saw the beam fall on my moth…" She stopped when her voice cracked. The pain redating from her. The guilt rolling off me for bringing this up now. "Point is, we will work through it together okay? You will shift and we will see your badass wolf."
Emma preened at the remark.
Sighing, I consider her words. I know she's right, but I still can't shake this unease. This insecurity that I'm not enough. Taking my hand in hers she whispers, "go and speak to him girl. Follow your instinct, listen to your wolf."
'Fuck him, hard.' Emma giggles, completely ignoring my concerns.
"Yeah I'm not listening to my wolf. She's a slut who is completely ignoring how I feel right now." Shaking my head, frustrated with her.
Cam laughs, speaking a bit too loudly for my comfort, "Like I said, listen to your wolf, hey maybe you might just need a good lay."
"Cam! Shh! Goddess, you're embarrassing." Shanking my head at her.
Gives me a quick "You love me and can't live without me." Peaking behind me and wiggling her eye brows "Oh! Here comes your man! I gotta go and eat mine up!" before bouncing off towards where Enoch is standing.
'We should be doing the same.' Emma huffs out.
Closing my eyes while I rage a war with myself and my wolf,
'Emma, I don't think I'm ready. Isn't this going too fast? Barely a day ago we were planning on running away.'
Emma gives off an exasperated sigh. 'I understand. But the Goddess does not make mistakes Sam, she knows what she is doing. Mate will protect us, just trust him.'
'Ugh Em, I'm scared because being with him feels like stepping into something I was never meant to touch. He is a king-measured, certain,admired and beside him, like back in Clear Water, I felt like an intruder dressed in borrowed confidence. When he reassures me, I don't hear comfort; I hear distance like he's speaking from a height I can't reach. I question his past because I question my place in his future, wondering how someone like him could choose someone like me without eventually realizing I was never worthy of the crown he carried so effortlessly…."
'Goddess Sam, lay off the poetry." Emma remarks cutting me off. 'Also I'm getting tired of you minimizing yourself. Besides having a kickass wolf like, you are great all on your own. You're a healer, a licensed medical doctor, according to the humans that's like a big deal I guess. Don't sell yourself short. You have to ask if he's worthy of you.Trust me you have more power than you think. Stronger than hottie McKing over there.'
I scuff, 'Em what are you tal–' I'm suddenly interrupted.
"Everything okay Little wolf?" Kieran's voice rang softly through the air. Opening my eyes I see him standing in front of me. His brows slightly creased with concern. Better now than never, right?
Ugh why does he have to look at me like that?
"Yeah, I'm just tired. Didn't get to sleep much on the plane." I lied. Not knowing why I hesitated on explaining my concern. What if I hurt him, or he doesn't understand? Goddess since when have I not been able to speak my mind?
Grabbing my hand gently, sending sparks running through me he says "Come, lets go to bed then."
As he leads me away, my heart pounds louder than my footsteps. Part of me wants to pull back, to ask for time, for space to breathe. But another part,traitorous and hopeful,leans into him, wondering if maybe safety has finally found me.