Pacing in front of the door I just closed on Kieran.
"Good night?" I say out loud. Is that really what I just said? It's morning you idiot!
What are you doing Samantha?
I sigh.
The room I'm in looks like a seriously luxurious hotel suite - big, elegant, and over the top.
Gosh how dramatic. I thought.
The room is massive, with a deep red and creampatterned carpet covering the floor and a huge chandelier hanging from the ceiling that instantly grabs your attention. The bed is a dark wood four-poster with rich red fabric and clean white sheets, giving it that dramatic, almost moviescene vibe. It's honestly giving Queen Charlotte from Bridgerton vibes.
The irony.
Off to the side, there's a cozy cream colored sectional with a sleek coffee table, making it feel like you could actually relax here, not just sleep. Heavy red curtains frame tall windows, letting in soft light while keeping everything private. There's even a large flatscreen TV built into the setup, blending modern comfort into the oldschool luxury. Overall, it feels like a mix between a royal bedroom and a high end penthouse, grand, polished, and designed for someone important.
There are multiple doorways leading to different rooms, probably a bathroom, closet… Narnia?
'Why are you being bitter, looking as if you are going to punch something?' Emma mutters in my head.
I look around the room, the bed, the upscale life I did not sign up for. 'Ugh, I'm not being bitter' I tell her. 'I'm a bit frustrated,... overwhelmed.'
'Bullshit,' Emma snaps. 'Spill, now.'
I take a deep breath, closing my eyes I say, 'I want him. Goddess, I really do. But it's too fast. One second I'm running away, escaping a psychopath, and the next I'm in the king's castle.'
'Fast doesn't always mean wrong.' Emma says a bit softly.
'What if I'm not ready and I screw it up? What if I end up hurting him or disappointing him?' I spit out quickly.
Emma scuffs in my head, 'you're allowed to have concerns Sam, but don't let them consume you.'
My mind drifted to earlier, as we walked to the royal wing. 'Then there's earlier. All those she-wolves, they looked at him as if they already knew exactly how he looks naked!'
Emma growls possessively.
'Because they have and you know it, Em! He's had all these experiences and I've had none. I feel as if I'm already behind, doomed to fail.' I say as I'm on the verge of tears.
'Only because he probably has had them doesn't mean he wants them. You are not behind Sam,' Emma says sharply. 'You're the ending.'
I move further into the room, my footsteps muffled by the thick carpet, and sit on the edge of the massive bed. It barely dips under my weight, like it's built for someone far more important than me. Someone who belongs here. I press my palms into the mattress, grounding myself, reminding myself that I'm here, that this isn't some elaborate dream the Goddess cooked up for shits and giggles.
The silence is loud. No pack noise. No familiar scents. Just me, my thoughts, and a castle full of strangers who already expect something from me or who seem to already hate me.
I rub at my chest where it still feels… fuzzy. Like something is stretching there, testing its limits. The bond, I realize. It's there even with the door between us, warm and steady, humming, pulling us together. I'm not sure I'm brave enough to fully accept yet.
"I didn't run," I whisper to myself, needing to hear it out loud. "I chose."
That should count for something.
I stand and walk toward the window, pulling the curtain back just enough to let some sunlight spill in.
'We survived worse,' Emma murmurs, softer now.
I nod, even though she's inside me. 'Yeah,' I whisper back. 'We did.'
I let the curtain fall closed and crawl into the bed fully dressed, curling onto my side like I used to after nightmares. My hand presses to my chest again, right over the ache, and this time I don't push it away. I let myself feel it,the fear, the hope, the terrifying possibility that maybe… I'm allowed to want this.
'Emma,' I whined out like a toddler. 'What if I'm being paranoid and sabotaging myself? I'm not good enough, to be with a king, to lead and be queen?'
Emma sighs impatiently, 'You're not doubting because you're weak. Trust me you aren't, let's get that out the way.' She says frankly with a bit of anger. 'You're doubting because you care for him. And you are standing in a room in which you feel you don't belong, when you clearly do.'
I exhale, 'I don't want to get hurt.'
'Stop lying to yourself then, you can want him and still need time. If he is worthy of being your mate, he'll understand that. You are the monarch here baby, don't forget that.' Emma lets out that last bit sassily.
I smile, closing my eyes thinking over her words.
'Oh, and Sam?' She adds, 'If any of those females forget he's mated, I'll remind them.'
Despite everything going on, I give a shaky laugh.