INT. PADDY'S PUB — DAY
MAC is alone at the bar, eating almonds like he's in training. TV is on: THE HISTORY CHANNEL. Low volume dramatic narration. Grainy footage of old martial arts.
HISTORY NARRATOR (TV)
—warriors discovered that breath control was the difference between victory and death—
Mac perks up. He's into it. Then the show abruptly cuts to a B-roll montage: anime clips, stylized breathing waves, sword slashes.
HISTORY NARRATOR (TV)
—and modern culture preserved these techniques in Japanese animation—
MAC
Ugh. No. Absolutely not. Nerd propaganda.
He reaches for the remote. Stops. The show cuts back to real footage: fighters training, breath cadence, slow-motion strikes.
HISTORY NARRATOR (TV)
—measured inhalation… controlled exhalation… maximum oxygen efficiency—
Mac's hand freezes. He squints.
MAC
…Okay. That part's real.
The show flashes a title card: TOTAL CONCENTRATION BREATHING with a scientific-sounding graphic.
MAC
No. No, I'm not doing anime.
I'm doing ancient warrior respiration.
Mac sits back down. Leans in closer. Locked in.
SMASH CUT TO:EXT. SOUTH PHILLY STREET — DAY
Mac power-walks with purpose. He spots CHARLIE. Charlie is doing Charlie things.
MAC
Charlie! I need you. We're leveling up.
CHARLIE
Oh, like a video game?
MAC
No. Like… history.
CHARLIE
Like anime history?
Mac's eyes widen—panic. He grabs Charlie by the shoulders like a hostage negotiator.
MAC
Listen to me very carefully. We do not say the A-word.
If Dennis hears the A-word, we lose the budget. We lose the brand. We lose Frank.
CHARLIE
What A-word?
MAC
You know. The— the—
CHARLIE
Anime?
Mac flinches backwards like he got shot.
MAC
Stop saying it! Stop saying it like that!
SMASH CUT TO: INT. PADDY'S PUB — LATER
DENNIS polishing a glass. DEE on her phone. FRANK counting money. Mac stands like he's about to pitch an MLM.
MAC
Okay. I have discovered an ancient combat breathing discipline. It's based in—
Charlie cannot help himself.
CHARLIE
—it's from this anime where they slice demons and the breathing makes your blood go faster—
Mac snaps his head to Dennis, instantly backpedaling at warp speed.
MAC
It's NOT FROM THAT.
It's from the History Channel.
Dennis pauses. Considers.
DENNIS
…The History Channel is not a source. It's pornography for men who fear college.
DEE
Wait. Is this like that breathwork thing? Because breathwork content is huge right now.
FRANK
Breathwork?
DENNIS
If idiots will pay to breathe, Frank… we can monetize their lungs.
Frank finally looks up.
FRANK
Oh. We're monetizing lungs.
Beat. Frank nods.
FRANK
Now I'm interested.
Charlie raises a hand, earnest.
CHARLIE
Also— you don't even gotta hyperventilate in this bar.
Two deep breaths and you're seeing all kinds of shit. Remember that demon guy?
Mac goes pale. Dennis slowly turns to Charlie.
DENNIS
…What demon guy.
CHARLIE
The one we all saw. The skeleton vendor.
DENNIS
We did not "all see" anything. That was a shared— chemical— experience.
FRANK
Yeah. The mold.
Mac smiles, pitching through the terror.
MAC
Great. So we already have… a spiritual atmosphere.
DEE
I'm filming this. Title: "I Tried Ancient Warrior Breathing In A Toxic Bar."
DENNIS
Perfect. Great. This is happening.
SMASH TO BLACK.
TITLE CARD: THE GANG LEARNS HOW TO BREATHE