INT. PADDY'S PUB — MOMENTS LATER
The front door opens: THE LAWYER enters. Crisp suit. Disgusted eyes. He takes in the taped zones, the customers, the candle, the fan-oxygen, the phone livestream.
LAWYER
What…is happening?
Dennis brightens into his "we're a legitimate business" mask.
DENNIS
Great timing.
We are running a regulated wellness experience.
LAWYER
No you're not.
DEE(still filming)
Oh my God, it's the Lawyer.
Guys, we have an antagonist!
LAWYER(to Dee)
Turn that off.
DEE
No. This is my brand now.
The Lawyer looks around again. He spots the menu board: BASIC / ADVANCED / PREMIUM.
LAWYER
You can't sell "breathing tiers."
You can't make medical claims.
MAC
We're not making medical claims.
We're making warrior claims.
LAWYER
That's… not a thing.
FRANK
Premium's a thing.
LAWYER
Stop saying premium.
DENNIS(low, warning)
Frank, stop saying premium.
The Lawyer inhales once—then pauses. His expression shifts, despite himself.
LAWYER
…Why does it smell like a graveyard in here?
Beat. The Gang stills. Dee's camera even dips.
DEE
Like—haunted graveyard? Or like—poor graveyard?
LAWYER
Like rot.
Like old water.
Like something died under the floor and you're teaching people to inhale it.
DENNIS(defensive, immediate)
Nothing died under the floor.
People die near the floor.
That's a bar thing.
LAWYER
You're shut down.
No "breathing classes," no "tiers," no "wellness," no "warrior lungs."
If you keep doing this, you will be sued into dust.
He points, leaving.
LAWYER
Also… get a professional to look at this building.
It feels… wrong.
He exits.
The CO DETECTOR CHIRP continues.
CHIRP.
CHARLIE(quiet, suddenly afraid)
…Is that the hell beep.
MAC
Nobody move.
DEE
Okay—no—stop—
I hate when it's quiet in here.
FRANK(to customers, reflex)
Alright! Service interruption— everybody out— no refunds—
Bonnie emerges from the bathroom, glowing.
BONNIE
Charlie, that circle changed my life.
CHARLIE
Ma, please don't have a circle life.
The Waitress looks at Charlie—softens for half a second.
WAITRESS
I should go.
Charlie panics.
CHARLIE
No—wait—
I can be calm! I can be normal!
I'm doing normal breathing!
He inhales too hard. Immediately coughs.
WAITRESS
…You're trying.
She leaves. Charlie watches her go like a kicked puppy.
DEE(to camera, whisper)
That was…narratively devastating.
DEE (smiling)
Smash that like button bitches!
SMASH TO BLACK.