The world seems to fade in and out of existence as I see faces and hear voices that I don't recognise. My body is cold but numb, the feeling gone. I try to speak but the words are lodged in my throat, I need to call out to my friends, I need them to find me before these shapes and sounds take me away.
A warm object touches my chest, it feels like light if it was solidified. A fire made for only me, my body begins to warm as I gain feeling in my limbs but the movement is still lacking. I can see my friends now, even Lucien stands in awe, looking at my torn body. Seras and Thorne stand to my left, concern struck into their features and Rell is sitting behind my head, hands keeping me steady. I didn't notice Orien, standing to my right, two fingers to my neck checking my pulse.
''Come on.'' He whispers. ''Please return to me, my boy.''
''At least buy him a drink first.'' Rell replies automatically, voice thin.
Orien huffs something out that might have been a laugh if we weren't in this situation. He looks older than I have ever seen him, his face looks tired and worn out, hands trembling. He breathes a sigh of relief when he notices my smile thanks to Rell's joke. He goes to hug me but stops, making sure not to touch my chest and stomach. Apparently it was so bad the healer could only stop the bleeding, I needed to be treated by a doctor with access to materials.
The remaining hunters, students and faculty question Instructor Athea about the creature we encountered, she had no answers, only speculations. Something old and that we are lucky to even escape at all. She points to Thorne and Rell.
''We cannot stay here, you two grab him and take him back to camp. Carefully. The rest of you who are able must help burn the bodies, we do not feed this forest any more than we already have.''
Everyone nodded and got to work, no more questioning orders anymore. Get the job done. Rell and Thorne both slid their arms under my shoulders as Seras took my legs, between them they lifted me. Motion made my head spin and the world doubled. Then tripled. I slam my eyes shut before I throw up.
Behind us I hear uncontrollable sobbing. It sounds like Lira. She saw her friend ripped apart and her head separated from her shoulders. I couldn't imagine losing Orien or even my new friends in such a way. It would fracture me in a way I don't think I would ever recover. I'm sorry, Lira.
The smell of smoke and iron followed me back to the camp, which was easier to locate this time. I don't know if the smell of iron was from the fighting, or from my own blood. Which seems to have become one with this forest. Seeping through its cracks, buried forever more.
The next time I wake, it is on my own bedroll inside my tent. The orange glare of torches pierce the thin material keeping me safe from the elements. My body feels heavy, like someone poured rocks all over my body, my arms and torso throb under bloody bandages. My skull, still hammering with the echo of the creature's shriek.
Seras enters my tent, surprised I've awoken. She instantly apologises for intruding.
''You are awake… I'm sorry, I just wanted to check that you're fine.'' She says.
''It's okay, thank you for checking on me, did we win? I reply, with a smile on my face.
''We escaped, it left. That is the best we get.'' Her mouth twitches, like it's trying to remember how to smile.
Rell bursts in, almost falling onto me until Thorne was right behind him, catching him at the perfect time. Dark smudges rest on his face and his eyes look like the epitome of relief. He looks like he could cry, but to mask his sadness, relies on jokes once more.
''You fall asleep in the strangest places, next time you should try a bed.'' He says, while he forces out a laugh.
Thorne says nothing, he leaves once he sees I'm awake, the guilt of losing people must be playing on his mind. The quiet protector didn't like that it was he, who needed protection. I hope he's okay, I wish I could help him as much as he has helped me. I feel useless while I'm like this.
Over the next couple of days while I rest the camp blurs, I feel better each day but still only able to move to sit up. The pain in my stomach and limbs are nothing compared to the pain in my chest. The vision. The truth, and especially the loss. The loss of student, healer and Beasthold guards capture my thoughts of all ours day and night, keeping me prisoner in my own head. The anxious feelings which were gone, the fear and hunger all come back in waves reminding me just how powerless I truly am.
When I'm able to sit up, just outside of the tent resting on a log for support I watch the camp. Watch how people are reacting to our predicament and most of all, how they react to me. Everyone apart from my friends and Orien stay clear from me, fear and confusion dress their faces. Marrek Dune, Kaelin Thrum and Lucien glare with contempt on their faces. Lucien most of all. His Lightscar flickering in response. He tried to be a hero and failed miserably.
Lira sits by a fallen tree, book open and quill in hand. But she just stares into the fire. No expressions accompany her, just stillness as her eyes watch the flames. She catches me looking and gets up to move to the far end of the camp. I feel like this is all my fault.
The remaining healers shift through the camps checking on everyone, especially me every now and again to change bandages and make sure my cuts are clean. No one talks loudly, no one laughs. Every voice a whisper, as if the creature would return if they spoke too loud. No one mentions the bodies, the creature who saw us as nothing more than bugs getting in its way. No one mentioned the shadows moving from my body, they just looked at me like I was the monster.
Instructor Athea sat with her dull blade across her lap, whetstone sharpening it back to precision, she also mentions nothing as her face is unmoving, focused on her blade. Her face gives nothing away, the green in her eyes dull. Is she thinking about how the creature incapacitated her? How was she unable to do her job and protect or lose people on her watch?
I still felt the fur of the Nightmaw across my body, the eyes that pierced darkness and the teeth that shredded my hope the moment they penetrated my skin. Fàolán, the word still floats around my mind. An old word, one which I must know the name of. I will ask Orien once we are safe, back in Crownspire.
''Veyrin.'' Seras whispers. ''When people have stopped talking, retired to their bedrolls and we aren't surrounded. We must speak.''
Rell nods, it seems like more to himself than to me, I don't know what they did or didn't see. What will they say? I only knew the forest feels different now. No longer hostile but protective and more aware of me. Like something in it turned its head in my direction and was watching to see which path I followed next.