The international situation deteriorated not through speeches or invasions, but through something far more dangerous:
Diplomats trying to interpret things.
Diplomacy is hard enough when everyone agrees on the meaning of "hello."Here, nations were arguing about the meaning of "fish quotas."
Britain: Overthinking Supreme
The British Foreign Office assembled a "Germany Analysis Committee," or GAC (rhymes with quack, appropriately).
Their findings were as follows:
Beige production up → possibly uniforms.
Sewage improvements → underground tunneling for troop movement?
Knitwear → coded signals for sleeper agents?
Railway modernization → logistics for European dominance?
Tea summit → psychological intimidation via politeness?
The committee concluded:
"Germany appears to be preparing for something. We cannot determine what, but it is definitely something."
Papers were stamped, copied, archived, misplaced, rediscovered, and stamped again.
France: Smoke-Based Diplomacy
The French response was simpler: When stressed, smoke and sigh.
The Ministry of War sent a telegram to Paris:
"Germany is aggressively harmonizing railway whistles."
Paris replied:
"Which implies?"
The Ministry sent back:
"Aggressive intention unknown. Could be trains. Could be propaganda."
Paris sighed so intensely the smoke cloud formed into the shape of Europe.
Italy: The Biscuit Gambit
Italy was the least helpful player in the chaos.
Mussolini declared:
"If the Germans modernize trains, so must we!"
But instead of modernizing trains, Italy held parades about modernizing trains.
The trains themselves saw no improvement, but national morale rose by 6%, and biscuit sales skyrocketed.
Italy announced:
"Morale > Infrastructure. Biscotti is destiny."
Soviet Union: Maximum Owl Protocol
The Soviets entered what historians later described as Owl Mode:
silent observation
unbroken eye contact
mysterious notes labeled "???"
Their official stance was:
"We are not alarmed. We are merely watching."
This alarmed everyone else.
United States: Mildly Interested
Across the ocean, the U.S. observed through newspapers and concluded:
"Europe is doing Europe things again."
They returned to domestic hobbies such as:
inventing new sports
attempting to ban alcohol again (briefly)
accidentally discovering jazz (again)
Destiny Accelerates
Destiny reviewed the growing chaos like a proud project manager.
Historian A: "Foreign tension trending upward."Historian B: "Misinterpretation peak approaching."They updated the board:
TIMELINE CORRECTION: 89%
An intern suggested triggering a diplomatic misunderstanding regarding cheese tariffs.
"Too obvious," said Historian A. "Let it simmer organically."
The Neutral Countries Panic
Switzerland issued a statement:
"We would like to remain neutral, please."
Europe responded:
"Literally nobody asked you anything."
Sweden attempted to mediate peace via furniture, which failed when diplomats misread IKEA diagrams as coded war messages.
International Rumor Cascade
Rumors traveled faster than trains:
"Germany is building highways!" → "Highways for tanks!"
"Germany likes knitting!" → "Knitting uniforms!"
"Germany reforming sewage!" → "Secret underwater tunnels!"
"Germany loves beige!" → "Camouflage innovation!"
Tajdin read the newspapers and nearly fainted.
"I AM NOT PLANNING ANYTHING!"
His staff nodded enthusiastically and translated this to foreign diplomats as:
"He is indeed planning something."
End Scene: Tajdin Loses Control of Narrative
International stock markets jittered.
Diplomats panicked.
Newspapers sensationalized.
Italy ordered more biscuits.
Destiny clapped politely from the shadows and stamped:
TIMELINE CORRECTION: 93%
History was nearly patched. Tajdin's peace-by-boredom strategy had become the world's most confusing prelude to conflict.
Tajdin stared out the window and whispered, "Why is everyone like this?"
Destiny whispered back, "Buddy, the 20th century was built for chaos."