"Papa" Ran a two year old me to the arms of the strongest man in the world.
"I'm home did you miss me?"
"I missed you a lot and lot and lot."
"Papa missed you a lot and lot and lot too." He picked me up and nodded at the babysitter acknowledging her presence.
"Papa, tell me a story, a good good story!"
"Okay! Papa will tell you a good good story!"
This was one of my favorite memories from my previous life.
He was an assassin too. Even tough he had such a hard job we made sure I enjoyed my life as a normal kid. I would run whenever he came home. Whenever he was out I would wait impatiently. I would cuddle him hiding from the sound of lightning while he said 'One day when you grow up, this sound would not be scary!' I thought there was nothing in the world he couldn't protect me from. He was my safe spot.
Whenever he was home I would want all of his time devoted to me. I would run behind him with a deck of cards that wasn't a complete deck. I used to speak a lot when he was with me. Whenever he had guests over I would stare at them and sometimes even tell them to go which of course that got me in trouble. I was afraid that they would take him away from me. I didn't know there was a world without him.
Whenever I would get dirt in my hair he would shampoo them saying 'Little angels get some pixie dust in there hair all the time.' Even getting dirty meant love. He never yelled at me except when I disrespected someone. He was a calm and loving person.
At that time making mistakes wasn't fearful. It was more than okay. Sometimes he would spoil me and I loved those moments!
"Papa up up!"
"Up up we go!" He lifted me high swing me, giving me a joyous ride and a golden memory.
"When I grow up I want to be like you! Strong and and"
"I am sure you would be stronger than me!"
"I also sure, I also sure!"
"Uunh.. I hate it!"
"Angels needs different foods to get different gifts!"
"Okay but a tiny tiny tiny bite."
"A tiny tiny tiny bite it is!"
"Aaa.."
"Here comes the airplane"
"Yay! Airplane! Airplane!"
"Unnn... hurt"
"There is nothing to worry about. It is going to heal fast."
"Hurts!"
"Pain, pain fly away."
"The pain flew!"
"Yes the pain flew!"
"Pain bye !"
"Pain never come back! Leave my angel!"
"Papa is going out!"
"Papa stay stay!"
"Papa has to go!"
"No! No! No!"
"Papa will be back soon!"
"No! No! No!"
"Papa will be your servant for two days when he comes back!"
"Papa can go!"
"Papa will come back soon!"
"Papa come back very very very soon!"
"Papa will come back very very very soon!"
"Bye! Angel!"
"Bye! Papa come back very very very very soon!"
My first father was a great man, even though I didn't had my mother he never let me feel her absence. I still remember the night I saw his corpse. It was a night without any clouds and moon shining bright as if it was his way of saying Megha (means clouds) you don't need to follow me in the sky. Someone I can't remember told me 'He is in the sky! Besides the stars, watching over you!' That day I didn't cry, I didn't yell, I just stood still as if trying to process it all. People hugged me crying but I.. I just stood still. Everyone said he was a brave man and he would be remembered by everyone. Even then I didn't cry! Then someone hugged me and said 'Dear he is gone!' It was then that the realization hit me and then I cried, I cried and cried. No one was going to brush my hair, no one was going to tell me stories, no one was going to save me from thunder and no one was going to love me like him.
He was, no he is my hero! It was due to the golden moments he gave me that I was able to go through the darkest moments of my life! What awaited me after his death was a life in orphanage, there I learned about the other way of life! After he died I still got hurt, it was still painful but it was much harder, soon somehow I got used to the pain. I still got dirty but it was mud now not pixie dust. I still hated the taste of veggies but I ate them eagerly. I was still sleepless in bed but now there was no bedtime story to follow! I still missed my father but knew he was never coming back. There were thunderstorms and they still scared me but there was no one to shelter me, be my safe spot and as he predicted soon I got over them.
Thunderstorms aren't scary anymore but more of a reminder of a distant memory. A memory I want to never forget. I wished I was able to thank my previous father. I wish I had spent more time with him. I wish I told him I was proud to be his daughter. I wish I told him what he did was more than enough. I wish I told him wherever you are just watch over me. There is no one who can take his place. My new father has another spot which is also irreplaceable. I love both of my fathers.
But sometimes when I am alone I fell like he is there with me. Oh Papa! I love you! Just keep watching over me! I promise I am going to be strong like you. I love you! I miss you sometimes but it's okay! I know you are there with me! I love you! I love you so so so much!