It had been a few days since we met. Surely our group chat was going wild in the holidays. These summer vacations have been really good so far. The only part I don't enjoy is doing not only mine but even Moksh's Holiday Homework. Ahh.. holiday homework sucks!
"Hey sis! Can you help me with the Maths work today?"
"Yeah sure."
I have been in contact with the group and we often meet at the cafe. It belongs to Aarush's family so we don't need to pay and sometimes we don't even order coffee. Well, he is quite rich.
I have learned a lot of things about the guys. So, Kartik, Manan and Rudraksh are super close, they are like brothers. What's the funny part, Manan and Kartik are quite the introverts and Rudraksh is a really big extrovert. Whenever they meet someone new the two introverts are literally whispering in Rudraksh's ear and he speaks for them. It's hilarious to watch. I like the group however Siddhant has become like my bestfriend. We often directly text to each other. It's fun! Aarush has a lot of other friends and he oftent tells us about them. Just then a notification popped on my screen.
'Guys, wanna hangout today.'
'Sure.'
'No bro I gotta babysit my brother.'
'You know what, we can come at your house instead.'
'Wait let me ask Mummy.'
'k'
'She agreed.'
'Nice.'
'Time?'
'Five.'
'Done.'
He sent his address and location. I had taken permission from Mummy. Said I was going to Janhavi's. Still not gonna tell her I am gonna go to a Guy's house. She might overthink and no way am I gonna miss out. I am already pretty late.
I know it's wrong to lie but sometimes you have to. I love my mother and I love the fact that she cares about me and looks out for me. However I am not the little scared naive kid she thinks I am. And hence I don't need her protection. Besides everybody lies now and then right. Why am I justifying myself to no one at all but me. Weird huh! Well I am pretty weird. Weird is one way to put it abnormal is another. It feels so wrong to lie to her. No it feels so wrong to be here. Living a life I dont deserve. Pretending to be someone I am not. Enjoying the things I don't deserve to even experience.
I am such a mess. It's funny how hollow and empty I can be. God has been so nice to me, giving such great friends and family in both of my lives. Surrounding me with the people I don't even deserve to look at. Yet me a hollow, empty lowlife can do anything but feel like there is something missing or broken shall I say. An empty bow feels light but my hollow heart feels too heavy. Too heavy for me to carry. Sometimes standing at that bridge, gazing at the sun set into the river creating an illusion which makes the half sun look whole. As it seems to drown painting the sky red, orange, pink and purple. I wonder what am I doing here. Standing there just glaring alone at the sun wind blowing throughy hair only one thought crosses my mind. Sometimes I just wanna disappear. Disappear into thin air. Disappear so no one could find me. Erased from everyone's memories. No matter where I am, how I am, what I am, there is this one constant unwavering feeling 'Sometimes I just want to disappear.'
***************
Before I had known it, it was five and I was standing in front of Rudraksh's home. I was Staring at the door hoping that I don't have to ring the bell.
"Hey Chandni you are perfectly on time."
Came Rudraksh's voice from somewhere above me. I stepped a little back and gazed up. He was standing on the balcony leaning by the railing, hair fluttering with the gentle breeze. A bright smile on his face. In that moment he seemed to remind me of someone. Who I couldn't really place.
"Come in, why are you standing there."
I entered through the front door. And he came down the stairs. Both of us locked eyes and then we just smiled at each other. Not the polite kind, I am talking about the genuine one you have when you are happy to see someone. He was wearing a light blue shirt and trousers. Honestly he looked surprisingly well in casauals.
"My room is upstairs."
"Oh okay."
I followed him. It was my first time being at a friend's house, naturally I was a little nervous.
"The four of them must be planning on coming late, they do that sometimes. I dunno how it started but it's basically like an inside joke."
"Whooa. That's just crazy."
"I know. My youngest brother is asleep right now and my sis is not at home, she went to study with her friend and well, my other brother is just always outside roaming here and there. So it's just the two of us."
"Oh!"
We started talking about general stuff then it spiralled into joking around, doing just whatever.
The squad of boys came about half an hour later. They strolled in pretty casual they must have been here many times. They didn't even bother ringing the bell.
"Where is Ishan? I thought you were babysitting."
"Well, he is asleep."
"That little monster takes naps, amazing."
"No he usually doesn't."
Just then a little boy probably Ishan entered the room, visiblely sleepy, rubbing his eyes, yawning. He was eight or nine, I wasn't expecting him to be so much younger than us, but I guess they did mention he is really younger than us.
"What time is it?"
"Almost six."
"Oh no I gotta watch Pokemon I don't wanna miss today's episode."
"All right, all right I am turning on the TV call me if you need anything. And do not, do not do anything till you take permission from me."
"Blah blah... Pokemon."
Rudraksh just rolled his eyes.