Jiang Chen sat on a cushion that had seen better days—specifically, days about fifty years ago before the moths ate half the stuffing. He stared at the cockroach skittering across the floor. He didn't just see a pest; he saw the only other living resident of the Fallen Star Sect.
"Look," Jiang Chen reasoned with the bug, his voice smooth and practiced. "If you stay here, you'll starve. I'm formerly a top-tier financial consultant on Earth. I know a bad investment when I see one, and buddy, this sect is a market crash waiting to happen."
The cockroach paused, twitched its antennae as if considering his financial advice, and then scurried into a crack in the wall.
"Tough crowd," Jiang Chen muttered, rubbing his temples.
He stood up, his new knees cracking audibly. It had been three days since he transmigrated into this "Fallen Star Sect Leader." The title sounded majestic. The reality was a tragedy.
His predecessor—his "Master"—had ascended. And by "ascended," the man had choked on a chicken bone and died, leaving Jiang Chen with a sect that had:
Zero disciples.
Zero Spirit Stones.
A mountain of debt that would make a student loan officer weep.
"System?" Jiang Chen tried again, snapping his fingers. "Cheat code? Grandpa in the ring? A magical vending machine?"
Silence.
"Fine. I didn't need a safety net when I sold nonexistent crypto-currency to grandmothers, and I don't need one now."
He grabbed his worn-out bundle. If he went down the mountain now, he could maybe bluff his way into a job as a waiter in Azure City. He had good customer service skills—which was just a polite way of saying he knew how to smile while lying through his teeth.
Knock. Knock. Knock.
The heavy wooden gates of the courtyard creaked. Jiang Chen froze. Creditors? Had the old man left debt behind too?
"Disciple Ye Kai seeks an audience with the Immortal Master!"
The voice was young, desperate, and filled with a terrifying amount of determination.
Jiang Chen hesitated. 'Immortal Master? Me?' He peeked through a crack in the door.
Kneeling outside the gate was a young man, perhaps seventeen. He wore clothes that were once expensive but were now torn and bloodied. He had the classic look of a 'Main Character'—sharp eyebrows, starry eyes, and an aura of deep-seated grudge.
Jiang Chen's stomach growled loudly. 'If he is a runaway young master... he might have money.'
Jiang Chen quickly adjusted his robes, splashed some water on his face to look 'refreshed by spiritual energy,' and sat back down on the moth-eaten cushion. He grabbed a distinct-looking stick he found earlier to use as a 'Cultivation Whisk.'
"Enter," Jiang Chen said, trying to make his voice sound deep and hollow, like he was speaking from inside a well.
The gates were pushed open. Ye Kai crawled in, dragging a heavy sword behind him, and slammed his head onto the stone floor.
"Senior! Please accept me! The White Tiger Sect destroyed my clan. They said I have 'Waste Veins' and can never cultivate. I climbed ninety-nine mountains to find the legendary Fallen Star Sect. Please, grant me power!"
Jiang Chen narrowed his eyes. 'Waste Veins? Revenge? This kid is a walking trouble magnet. If I take him in, the White Tiger Sect will come here and turn me into paste.'
"I do not accept disciples," Jiang Chen said coolly. "Fate is fickle. Go home."
"I have ten Spirit Stones!" Ye Kai shouted, pulling a pouch from his chest.
Jiang Chen stopped. Ten Spirit Stones. That was enough to live comfortably in the mortal world for a year. It was enough to buy a lot of roast duck.
Jiang Chen coughed lightly. "However... Fate is also circular. Perhaps our meeting is destiny."
He waved his hand, motioning for Ye Kai to come closer. He snatched the pouch—ahem, accepted the offering—and tucked it into his sleeve.
"You have Waste Veins?" Jiang Chen asked, looking at the boy. He had no idea what that meant, but it sounded medical.
"Yes, Master. My meridians are clogged with Stone Qi. I cannot absorb spiritual energy." Ye Kai's eyes were red. "Everyone says I am trash."
Jiang Chen looked at the boy. He felt a pang of sympathy, or maybe it was just the hunger. He needed to give this kid something so he wouldn't ask for a refund, then Jiang Chen would sneak away tonight.
"Do you know why they call you trash?" Jiang Chen stood up, walking to the edge of the cliff (it was just the edge of the patio, but it looked dramatic). "It is because they are blind. They look at a cup and see it is empty. I look at a cup and see it is full of air."
Ye Kai looked confused. "Master... what?"
"Listen closely," Jiang Chen improvised. He remembered a gym brochure he saw once on Earth. "Cultivation is not about absorbing energy from the outside. That is the path of the weak! True power... comes from the muscles."
"Muscles?" Ye Kai was stunned. "But Master, cultivators use Qi!"
"Wrong!" Jiang Chen shouted, pointing the stick at him. "That is why the White Tiger Sect is weak! Think about it. If you remove the Qi, what are they? Mortal men. But if you temper your body until your blood flows like mercury and your bones are harder than divine steel, you don't need Qi. You can punch through the void!"
Jiang Chen grabbed a blank scroll from the table and a brush. He quickly scribbled some diagrams.
"I will impart to you the Supreme Divine Scripture of Saitama," Jiang Chen said solemnly.
"Saitama?"
"An ancient God of the Bald Era," Jiang Chen nodded. "Here is the cultivation method. Listen well, for I will only say this once."
Ye Kai leaned in, trembling. This was it. The secret to overturning the heavens.
"Every single day," Jiang Chen intoned deeply. "One hundred push-ups. One hundred sit-ups. One hundred squats. And a ten-kilometer run."
Silence descended on the courtyard. A crow cawed.
Ye Kai looked at the paper. "Master... this... this is just exercise."
"Just exercise?" Jiang Chen scoffed. "Foolish! This is the path of Limit Breaking! Do you think the Dao is complicated? The Great Dao is Simple! The reason you have 'Waste Veins' is because your body is a sealed vessel. You must heat the vessel through physical friction to shatter the chains of the universe inside you!"
Jiang Chen was sweating. Was he buying it? That sounded like complete gibberish.
Ye Kai stared at the paper. He looked at Jiang Chen's serious face. He looked at the 'mysterious' dilapidated sect.
'The Master is testing me. He is testing my resolve. He says it is simple, but surely, doing this with a specific breathing rhythm is the key? Wait... shattered chains... friction... heat...'
Ye Kai's eyes suddenly widened. Pupils dilated. A terrifying aura exploded from his brain.
"I understand!" Ye Kai screamed, slamming his head on the floor again. "The Waste Veins are not a blockage, they are a cocoon! I must use pure physical force to burn the impurities from the inside out! The 'Push-up' is actually pushing up the Heavens! The 'Squat' is suppressing the Earth!"
Jiang Chen blinked. "Uh... exactly."
Ding!
A mechanical sound rang in Jiang Chen's ears. A semi-transparent blue window, looking like a futuristic operating system, unfolded in his retina.
[System Booting...] [Scanning Host...] [Detection: A Grade-SSS Lie has been told.] [Target: Ye Kai (Son of Destiny)] [Belief Level: 100% (Fanatic)]
[The Falsehood Realization System Activated.]
[Effect Triggered: The 'Supreme Divine Scripture of Saitama' has been created.] [Because the Disciple believes it is a Heaven-Rank technique, it has become a Heaven-Rank technique.]
[Host Reward: 10x Return.] [You have obtained: Ancient God Body (Initial Stage).]
Jiang Chen stood frozen. Suddenly, a rush of heat, like molten lava, poured into his limbs. His skinny arms rippled, muscles knitting together instantly. The hunger vanished, replaced by an endless reservoir of power. He felt like he could punch a hole through the mountain.
Ye Kai stood up. His aura had changed. The air around him distorted. He dropped to the ground and did one push-up.
BOOM!
The pressure wave cracked the stone floor. The entire mountain shook.
Ye Kai looked up, tears streaming down his face. "Master! I feel it! I feel the power of the Bald God!"
Jiang Chen looked at the cracked floor, then at his own glowing hands.
"Holy sh*t," Jiang Chen whispered in English. "It actually worked."
"What did you say, Master?"
"I said," Jiang Chen placed his hands behind his back, looking like a peerless expert, "Do not become arrogant. This is merely the first step. Now, go run ten kilometers before dinner."
"Yes, Master!"
As Ye Kai sprinted away, leaving a trail of dust like a jet engine, Jiang Chen sat back down. He looked at the System panel floating in the air.
[Current Sect Rank: Trash] [Next Mission: Recruit a Second Disciple. Reward: The Tongue of the Deceiver (Passive Skill).]
Jiang Chen grilled a smirk.
"Well," he muttered, weighing the bag of spirit stones. "If lying is cultivation... I think I'm about to become the strongest being in existence."