[USER PROFILE: REGIONAL MANAGER HAN]
Employee ID: #000001 (U.S.S. Solstice)
Current Level: 05 [JUNIOR MANAGER]
Current Status: Slightly Dehydrated / Profusely Sweating
[INTERNAL HARDWARE: THE DAO OF BUSINESS]
PrimaryOS: Marketing_Bot_V4.2 (Corrupted)
QiStorage: [ERROR: File Not Found]
Correction: Petty Cash Reservoir (Minor Qi Spark detected)
Active Processes: Gaslighting.exe
(Passive): Increases the likelihood of NPCs believing your lies by 30%.
Aggressive Synergy: Allows the user to use mundane objects as Master-Grade artifacts (effectiveness based on confidence)
[INVENTORY: THE EXECUTIVE BRIEFCASE]
Master-Grade Divine Scepter: (A rusted pitchfork handle.
Note: Needs a firmware update.)
High-Comfort Yoga Pants: (Neon purple. Grants +5 to Aerodynamic Negotiation)
The Orb of Supreme Satisfaction: (A yellow foam stress ball.
Note: Currently terrifying the local population.)
Corporate Credit Card: (Limit: 50 Spirit Stones.
WARNING: 400% Interest Rate payable in Kidneys.)
[PENDING TASKS]
[MAIN QUEST]: The Hostile Merger ...Infiltrate the Bone-Wither Sect.
[HR TASK]: Fire Elder Gui (Permanent termination recommended).
[BENEFITS]: Unlock Dental Insurance at Level 10.
[SYSTEM LOGS: U.S.S. SOLSTICE]
[ALERT]: Corruption spreading in Sub-Sector 7.
[ALERT]: User Han is 3,000 years behind on his Performance Review.
[MESSAGE]: Remember, a happy employee is a productive employee!
Please do not look at the Red Glitches in the corner of your eye.
Core Metrics --------------System Analysis
Market Value: 102 [Strength]
Still weaker than a farmhand
Processing Speed : 450 [Agility]
High, but only when running away
Server Uptime: 88 [Stamina]
Needs more Coffee(Potions)
Firewall Integrity: 0.00% [Defense]
Skin is as soft as a wet paper towel
Management Aura : 9,999+ [Charisma]
High enough to start a cult by accident