I walked through the front door of my dorm room, located just a ten-minute walk from my university. The rent was cheap, and there was a temple just around the corner – not that I'd ever gone.
I wearily dropped the bag of beer to the floor along with my backpack.
Thud!
The cans spilled around the floor, clanking as they tumbled out of the bag. I chased down a stray one as it rolled towards my bed.
Thank god. It's still cold.
I shed myself of all but my underwear on the short journey across my living room and threw myself onto the bed on the other side. I lay face up, staring at the ceiling as the lone orange light – the same which I had still yet to fix flickered in the middle of the room.
Holding the beer can above my head, its sweat reminded me that I didn't have much time. It wouldn't be cool for much longer.
'Issho', read the bold calligraphy logo in the centre. The monotone, predominantly silver colour of the can reflected my face at me once more.
Ha… It's only just hitting me now. How ironic it is that I keep getting this brand. Issho? "Together?" Haha. I'm always drinking these damn things alone. Shit.
I covered my eyes with my arm to block out the light and let out a deep sigh. As I slowly sat up and opened the first drink, my ears were greeted by a familiar comfort – the crackle of the pull-tab. The light citrus scents of the beer filled the air as the chilled liquid washed over my tongue.
I reached over the end of my bed, my beer in one hand, and retrieved the game that I had been playing the last few days with the other.
'My Monster Girlfriend', it read.
At least I can always come home to these. I guess I'll see if I can finally get the ending for Reina today.
Reaching over the bed once more and closing the case, I slid the disc into my console and waited for the game to load.
I looked down at the cover art and at Reina, the main heroine – a vampire noble, who was the reason I bought the game. Her deep, crimson eyes stared back at me as I continued sipping on my beer.
The game itself was a sale item I'd picked up randomly, and it seemed pretty niche. I usually followed bishoujo release schedules closely, but had never heard of it before. No reviews online, either. I flipped the game case over to the back, revealing the publisher's name at the bottom. 'GM Studios', it read.
Never heard of them. Likely a first-time dev.
At the time, I'd never been an early adopter of anything, but having completed almost all of the major titles out there, I decided to take a chance.
The monitor went dark before the title card lit up the entire screen. I continued looking at the case, swigging another mouthful of beer.
On the cover, Reina was pictured sitting between two other girls: a demon with large horns on one side, and a fallen angel with black wings on the other. Once I had started playing it, I instantly connected to the girls and their personalities.
Many times, it felt like they were actually real. I'd always been interested in fantasy as well, so seeing a game with such good quality and interesting characters made it a quick favourite.
Now, as I laid the case down next to me and navigated past the main menu to my recent save data, I resolved to drag out the night as long as I could.
I missed you, Reina.
***
After playing for a few hours and managing to complete only a quarter of the drinks that I'd bought, I'd unexpectedly reached that point. The point that I knew I'd come to, but dreaded nonetheless: the end of the game.
I'd dramatically overestimated how much longer Reina's storyline had left, and my character had achieved a perfect happy ending – all of the events culminating in a passionate first-kiss scene.
I'd made little progress on her plotline early on and knew she'd likely be the toughest character to communicate with. She was a vampire noble, after all, so I figured I'd have my work cut out for me. I had finished the other two girls quickly, but I didn't expect this.
Why now? On today, of all days?
The beers had long become warm since I had failed to put them in the fridge, and I couldn't bring myself to drink any more. One more drop and I knew I'd vomit. As my head flopped from side to side, gazing around the room for a bottle of water, I looked back at the monitor and caught the credits of the game playing through.
It finally sank in.
Now, Reina was leaving as well – just like everyone else. The credits continued, and as the outro music slowly faded, the game returned to the main menu screen.
Dizzy and empty, just like the beer cans that had fallen by my bedside, I stared at my monitor. My eyes began to burn, and my throat wrung itself like a dish towel.
"R-Reina… [hic]…"
"Couldn't you just… be real?" I choked back, leaning down to turn off the console.
I hated how pathetic I was, but I really just couldn't help it anymore. I mean, twenty failed dates would've been depressing for anyone. After a few minutes of feeling sorry for myself, I slapped both of my cheeks and lifted myself to my feet. Before I knew it, I was in the shower.
Ugh. Akari is coming tomorrow. I can't have a hangover. I feel like shit…
As I stood under the warm water hoping for its comfort, I felt even worse than before. I had stood up too quickly, and the heat from the shower made me more nauseous.
I can't even manage more than four beers, either? I'm sure any girl could out-drink me. No good at drinking as well, huh?
I turned the tap off and stumbled out of the bathroom, fumbling my hand over the light switch.
Bed… Where's the bed?
Stumbling in its general direction, as my knees made contact with my bedsheets in the dark, with the world now completely black, I sank into the depths of my bed.
The ambient lullaby of Tokyo's thirty-eight million people seeped into my room through the ajar window. It was such a big city that I took some comfort in the fact that, among all those people, maybe there was at least one person like me.
At least then, I wouldn't feel so alone.
I closed my eyes and let out one final sigh, a pile of bricks feeling like they sat on my chest.
…
How many people out there have 'someone'? How many don't? Are they happy? Are they not? If someone were next to me right now, how would that actually feel? Would we hold each other's hands as we sleep? Would we exchange idle pillow talk as we became toasty under the covers? What is it that I'm missing? What do I need to do to have that?
…
Why is it… that it seems like it's just me who can't have that? Is it…
…
Sniff
… Is it because I really am cursed after all?
"I just… wanted to get past the first date… To have someone – anyone, just look at me. Was that too much to ask?" I mumbled as I trailed off into my dreams.
What I didn't know was that my pleas had not fallen on deaf ears. Something was listening.