I looked down at my phone, having quickly taken it out of my pocket at the sound of a notification. I'd received a text message from my mother, who was preparing to come home the next day from a seminar overseas. I'd never pried into the specifics of what she did, but from what I'd heard, she was a famous marriage counsellor, meaning she was away for work a lot.
I tapped into the message application and read the text.
'Hi Darling,
I get in late tomorrow from the seminar, but I should make it just in time for your birthday. I won't waste time in Duty Free at the airport, so could you please pick me up a bottle of that Umeshu I like? It seems like no matter where I go, they never have any.
Also, just reminding you to make sure to look after Akari tomorrow! She might show up at your place around lunchtime. She's been itching to see you, so I gave her grandmother your address.
Anyway, don't forget that bottle of Umeshu! See you tomorrow, love.
Mum.'
I closed the message and let out a sigh. The lingering ache in my chest slowly subsided, and I looked up at the low blanket of clouds that covered the night sky.
Geez. She drinks that stuff like water. I wonder if Dad ever liked it? Alright. Get the plum wine, grab some beer, play some games, and sleep all day tomorrow before Mum gets in. Let's do that.
I had an inkling that I was forgetting something, but I had neither the time nor the will to excavate my memory. Considering all that had happened, I wanted to think as little as possible. As my feet trudged on, I turned a dimly lit corner and into a narrow street lined with warm, orange lanterns that hung outside of the local ramen joints and izakayas.
"Good. Almost there." I muttered.
On the corner and outside one of the izakayas, a woman fixed her boyfriend's sweater, brushing something off it without him knowing. Scenes like that stung, so I would avert my eyes.
No matter how much I thought about it, I could never figure it out. Throughout my life, I had generally excelled at things. Be it my studies, or sports… even recovering from illnesses! I'd always been blessed with what I thought to be that thing we call 'good luck'. With everything that is, except for love.
Why?
"Well, only the gods know that, love. There's someone out there for everyone! You've got all the time in the world," my mother would always say, but I'd long lost faith in the existence of "the gods". Besides, as a 3rd year at Shitori University, my time was limited.
It's not all bad, though, I guess. I don't need someone to love me, but I can't seem to shake the feeling. I want to know what romantic love feels like. The real stuff, not like the games I play. Although if this life were like some kind of game, I'd be sure to have negative luck stats at this point.
It was the same every time. Just as things got to the good part – the moment those butterflies in my stomach spread their wings and took flight, the girl changed in an instant. It was as if she had suddenly become a completely different person.
Thankfully, though, tonight I'd be returning to a world where I felt I was loved. The only world I felt truly accepted in: the world of Bishoujo games. You know, the ones where you meet some beautiful girls, and work on courting them to win their hearts.
They're my favourites. In the digital world, at least, I'm somewhat of a Casanova. But I know it's not real. None of it ever was.
Oh, that's right. One more failed date, and that's one for every year I've lived! I guess it's high time I think about how I'm going to spend my days alone.
…
I let out a guttural sigh.
Whatever.
Let's buy a whole case tonight. And tomorrow, I'll be fine.
I reached into my pocket and pulled out my phone once more to check the time as I walked down the narrow street. The dimming warm lights stretched on ahead of me, and a few shop owners brought their signs inside. It was closing time on a Sunday.
[8:59 pm], the phone read.
Good, he should still be there.
As I gently dropped the phone back into my pocket and looked up, a barrage of bright white lights suddenly entered my vision. A pair of automatic doors squeaked open as I entered the empty store.
Ding! Dong! Ding! Dooong!
The motion sensor chime went off. As I let out a small sigh of relief, I craned my head to the side in the direction of the counter.
No one was there, but a gentle voice erupted from the store's stock room, approaching it from a few metres away.
"Welcome! Please wait a second!" it said.
It was a voice that had the power instantly steady my heart rate. Recognising me, the convenience store clerk's tone became far more casual.
"Oh! It's you, Brother!" he called out.
"Wait… No! Don't tell me…" he said, narrowing his eyes.
"No way. Again?! Gaaaah, Souta! You sure have it tough, don't you? Hahaha," he laughed heartily.
The hefty Japanese man with a full beard watched me from behind the counter as I wandered towards my favourite part of the store – the beer section at the back.
"Dai, just… save it, man," I muttered, glancing back towards him. I thought I was doing alright, but the moment I spoke, my voice cracked.
"I got ya. Don't worry," he responded, one foot already back in the storeroom.
"Will it be the usual?"
"Please,"
"We just got ya favourite in stock out the back, so let me just go get it for ya real quick."
"Thanks, man," I said, flicking a small smile his way.
Though he certainly didn't look like it, Daisuke was great at reading the room, always knowing the right thing to say. He was like an oversized Yakuza teddy bear: a gentle giant among gentle giants.
After my first few dates, I wandered down that alley and into this store, deciding I'd pick up some beer on the way home. I had met Daisuke outside the convenience store for the first time that night, and coincidentally, he'd been dumped by his girlfriend on the same day.
He sat in the alleyway drinking a can of beer, the name of which I made a passing comment on.
"Is that Issho?" I asked, as Daisuke wearily lifted his head towards me.
The inner parts of his eyes were bloodshot, and small, faint streams of tears carved their way into his cheeks, but had since dried. Nonetheless, he still wore a friendly smile and nodded.
"This seat taken? Mind if I sit down and we have a drink together?" I asked, motioning towards an upturned milk crate next to the one he sat on. He nodded back.
I went in and bought a can, and that was it. Before I knew it, I found myself drinking with him at an Izakaya down the road, and we became friends then and there.
Since then, he'd moved on and committed himself to putting himself back out there, but he always made time for me. We'd go out for drinks now and then, and I'd come by whenever I was in the neighbourhood.
Thanks, man. I thought, looking back towards the storeroom.
As I waited for Daisuke to return with our favourite beer, I meandered over to the magazines near the entrance. The rack was vibrant and burst with colour, with some magazines sporting the latest pop idols in swimwear. In front of it sat a small stack of dreary, grey newspapers, which I mindlessly reached for.
I didn't care for the contents, but figured that if the world's drama could distract me, then I'd take it. It's not like I had anyone to message or check up on, anyway.
As I brought the newspaper up to my chest, I opened it to a random page. I lazily scanned over it, before my eyes suddenly settled on a small advertisement in the bottom left corner.
It was about the size of an eraser, and consisted of a slim black border with a monochrome, heart-shaped business logo atop it. I wasn't sure how it roused my attention, but for some reason, my eyes felt magnetised to it.
Inside the box, the text read:
Gremory Life Insurance. Offering free insurance for LIFE for the first 100 callers upon publication of this advertisement. Ph: +13 6666 6666.
I quickly flipped to the front of the newspaper and checked the date.
"Huh. It's today's." I said softly, somewhat relieved.
Hmmm. Life Insurance, huh? Like, for when you die?
I turned back to the advertisement once more and stared at it blankly for a second. Something about it intrigued me, but I couldn't put my finger on it.
So, I decided to read it again.
…
And again.
…
Until finally, it clicked.
Hang on.
I studied the last line with suspicion.
What kind of phone number is that? It's definitely not Japanese.
Though I didn't recognise the country, I remembered that I had international minutes on my phone. I only had them to call my mother when she was overseas, but I'd never had to use them.
Should I… give it a call? Or could this be some kind of scam?
As I mulled over whether or not to call, the advertisement surprised me with its final trump card. Either that, or something was seriously wrong with me.
At first, the digits of the phone number began to ever so slightly enlarge themselves on the page, before physically jumping out and off the page at me. Like a hologram projected off the newspaper, from left to right, each number glowed a vivid purple.
Huh?!
I blinked a few times and opened my eyes wide, then narrowed them to regain focus. Once I'd composed myself, the text appeared as it had first: completely ordinary.
No way that just happened. What the hell was that?
I could've sworn that the print had come alive, but I knew that wasn't possible. I was probably just seeing things. It had been a stressful day, after all.
I reached into my pocket once more and grabbed my phone in one hand, while I held the newspaper in the other.
Ah, whatever!
A freebie is a freebie after all, right? What do I lose by calling? Maybe I'll win! I hear life insurance can be pretty expensive, as well…
Whilst the contents of the ad weren't exactly what I had expected, with the anniversary of my Father's passing coming up, the subject had been on my mind recently. My mother had raised me as a single parent for most of my life, and I saw how she struggled.
I'd also vowed that if I ever had a family of my own, I'd want to be able to protect them at all costs. And life insurance could help do that. So, without any further debate, I dialled the number and held the phone to my ear.
Alright. If just one thing can go well for me today, please, let it be this. Please!
I raised my fingernails to my mouth in anticipation as the dial tone began to ring out.
Please connect!
…
Ring Ring…
Ring Ring…
…
Click!
The dial tone stopped after a few seconds, as the sound of a heavy, metallic phone being lifted from its rest came through the other end of the line.
The call connected.
On the other end, a woman's voice came through. She spoke with a soft, yet thick voice – one where I felt like her words had hypnotised me. The hairs stood up on the back of my neck, and my knees began to feel weak. Though I had no way of knowing what she looked like, I knew by her voice alone that she'd be the type of person that I would have to kneel in front of.
"Hello, Dear Caller. Thank you for calling Gremory Life Insurance. Congratulations on being the lucky one-hundredth caller. If you would be so kind as to provide me with your full name and address-"
"Alrighty, I got 'em! How many will it be this time, man?!"
Nnkkk!
At the sudden emergence of his voice at the counter behind me, I whipped my head back in a panic. Daisuke had returned. I had completely forgotten about him, spellbound by the advertisement.
"I'm on a phone call!" I silently mouthed, removing the phone from my ear, and briefly flashing it in his direction.
"Hm? What's that?"
"A. Phone. Call!" I repeated.
"Looks like you just finished one, to me?" he replied.
I hurriedly turned the phone back towards me, and indeed, Daisuke was right. Flashing on the screen was the number for Gremory Life Insurance, along with a message reading Call Ended.
Arggh! Crap!
I'd hung up accidentally when I looked away.
Ugh! I've gotta call back quick. Just let this day end!
"H-hang on just a sec," I said hurriedly, anxiously putting the phone back to my ear.
Thud!
Daisuke set down a twelve-pack of 'Issho' beer on the counter and nodded as he began to put my order through.
…
Ring Ring…
Ring Ring…
Please. Please still be available–!
The phone connected once again.
"Hello, I'm so sorr–!"
"Hello, and welcome to Gremory Life Insurance. Unfortunately, the maximum number of callers has claimed this benefit. Thank you for participating. Goodbye."
Ah. An automated call, huh. Damn.
…
My hand fell from my ear, and I squeezed my phone tightly.
…
"Dai. I'll take all twelve, thanks," I said, blankly staring at the phone. I slapped the newspaper back on the pile I'd taken it from and moved towards him.
"Oh? Ya drinking with someone tonight after all?!" he replied cheerfully, not looking up from his computer screen. The question stung, but he held more ridiculous hope for me than anyone. That useless, painful hope.
"Haha, nah. I just want to get a good sleep tonight."
I unclenched my hand, and the tension in my body dissipated. My shoulders rolled forward, and my neck began to hang as I picked up the bag full of beer.
"Ah. Sorry. Alright, get home safe and shoot me a message whenever ya need, man."
"Thanks… I will." I replied, paying for the beer and giving him a nod. Without another word, Daisuke returned to his work out in the storeroom, just as he had before I'd arrived.
I wearily slid my phone back into my front left pocket and moved towards the exit. Inside, I felt two thin sheets of paper, both of them small. It was receipts for the movie tickets that Mizuki and I had paid for.
…
I stepped onto the welcome mat and waited for the automatic doors… but they didn't open.
I tried again, this time stepping forward and backwards, looking up in an effort to trigger the motion sensor, but to no avail.
Come on.
And so, I did it again.
Come on.
…
And again.
Sigh
I glanced up at the motion sensor once more, giving it one last half-hearted wave, which also didn't work. I couldn't be bothered anymore. I was done. With dating, with hope, with love… and with automatic doors.
As that attempt failed, my body couldn't hold back anymore. I stared out beyond the doors at the cars driving by, and briefly caught sight of my reflection.
I didn't recognise myself.
My bag straps dragged my shoulders towards the floor, and my hair was messed up from the wind. And no matter how hard I tried to feign a fake smile, the muscles in my face wouldn't move.
The store's harsh white lights shone down on me, the space filled by nothing more than the cold hum of the refrigerators.
As I clutched the thin movie tickets in my fists, I felt a warm bead of moisture stream down my cheek, followed by another… and another in rapid succession. As hard as I may have tried to pretend, it felt like my chest was ripping itself apart.
I felt about as lovable as a spider in the women's dorm.
Ugh… Tears? Really? Who knew a newspaper ad would be the thing that broke me!
As I continued to feel warm tears stream down my cheeks, as if a bolt of self-awareness had struck me out of nowhere, I quickly became conscious that Daisuke might see me on the cameras, so I hurriedly mopped up my tears with the sleeves of my hoodie. As I did, the doors finally opened. But not on account of me.
A young woman of roughly my age with long, flowing platinum hair had approached the store, and the stubborn, anti-Souta doors pried themselves open immediately.
As she entered, she must have been startled by me, standing like an idiot at the entry, as she looked up from her phone, stopping mere inches away from crashing into me.
Oh, god. She didn't… just catch me crying, right? She didn't, right?!
Like I was dancing with my reflection, we awkwardly mirrored each other's actions, attempting to sidestep around each other. Eventually, I stopped and motioned for her to go one way, so I could go the other.
With a quick pause, she bowed in apology, meeting my eyes briefly before returning to her phone.
!!!
Her eyes! Were they… red?!
I had only caught a glimpse, but a brief red glimmer seemed to emanate from the corner of her eyes, causing me to turn back and do a double-take as I exited. Whatever it was, it looked exactly like glitter: tiny particles that just dissipated into nothing in the air.
There's no way I'm seeing these things, right? Ugh… Why do I even care? I'm so exhausted. Let's just get home.
As I left the store, I glanced back towards the entrance one more time, hoping to catch sight of the girl, but she was gone. A strange sense of familiarity washed over me as I felt like I'd seen her face before, but I couldn't pinpoint where.
I walked back into the now dark street, the Izakaya at the end beckoning me in the direction of home. Carrying the weight of rejection on one shoulder and the beer on my right, I flipped up my hood and began the walk back towards the train station.
What was it that Mum said? 'There's someone out there for everyone?' Yeah, right. It'll take a miracle to save this day.