…but…
The scream never echoed.
It didn't bounce back from the void.
It didn't fade into nothingness.
It was simply… ignored.
"Necromancer. Really? In 2025? That class is completely overinflated. What do you want me to do—find a talking skull with depression issues? Dress in black rags and brood while slaughtering goblins who were probably just trying to unionize?"
[WARNING: High levels of cynicism detected.]
[User is violating "Protagonist Enthusiasm" protocols.]
[Applying corrective measures…]
"Wait. No. Don't you dare—"
Pain flared in his chest.
Or where his chest should have been.
His thoughts were suddenly flooded with images of crows, rain-soaked graveyards, and an overwhelming urge to stare dramatically into the distance while thinking about nothing in particular.
[NEW TRAIT ACQUIRED: Inner Darkness (Rank S)]
• Effect: Your voice will always sound like you smoked three packs of cigarettes.
• Additional Effect: Your eyes will glow an unsettling violet whenever you feel mild irritation.
• Additional Buff: You have a 20% chance of looking cool in front of your enemy.
"F*** off," Kaito tried to say.
What actually came out—raspy, cavernous, and painfully dramatic—was:
"…Destiny is a chain that I shall break with my frozen hands."
Kaito froze.
Slowly, he covered his face with his hand.
They had appeared out of nowhere.
Pale. Slender. Curated Nails. Of course.
"Oh my God," he groaned. "The System is forcing me to roleplay. This is worse than death."
The void didn't explode into light.
It didn't shake.
It buffered.
Reality stuttered like a badly optimized game loading a new zone. The black nothingness peeled away in layers, replaced by damp stone walls, flickering torchlight, and the unmistakable smell of mold, dust, and old regrets.
Kaito's feet touched solid ground.
Cold. Uneven.
"Ah," he said flatly. "A crypt. Let me guess—ancient, forgotten, symbolically ironic?"
No response.
He looked down at himself.
Black robes. Of course.
High collar. Too high.
Long sleeves. Dramatic. Impractical.
"So this is my body now," he sighed. "No back pain. No muscle memory. Zero electrician benefits."
Then, a feeling of "Anger" started to linger in his mind.
"Couldn't I fucking die in peace knowing that I've killed a whore and an asshole? Of course not!" He thought while clenching his fists.
His eyes were probably shining, but he didn't know.
A faint clatter echoed nearby.
Kaito turned.
In front of him lay a messy pile of bones. A skull rolled slightly, empty eye sockets pointed vaguely in his direction.
The bones trembled.
Just a little.
Like they were waiting for permission.
[INITIAL QUEST AVAILABLE.]
The blue screen slid into view again, cheerful and invasive.
"Already? Can't I rest for a bit? You see, I just died five minutes ago!" He said to the system.
[Quest: Awaken Your First Minion]
[Difficulty: Tutorial]
[Failure Consequence: Embarrassment]
Kaito stared at the word embarrassment.
"…That's not reassuring."
He crossed his arms.
"So let me get this straight. I die. I get isekai'd against my will. I'm assigned the most overused class in existence. And now you want me to do manual labor."
[Clarification: Necromancy is considered a "creative profession."]
"Bullshit. Necromancy is the most abused class when you want to make someone cool in a series. Too mainstream."
[Notice: You have three minutes to complete the quest.]
Kaito, apparently—stared at the pile of bones.
The System hovered nearby, its blue interface flashing with unearned enthusiasm.
[SUGGESTED VOICE COMMANDS:]
→ "Rise, servant of darkness!"
→ "Obey your new master!"
→ "Awaken, chosen of the grave!"
Kaito sighed.
The sound vibrated unnaturally deep in his throat, that new cavernous, chain-smoker voice echoing around the crypt like it was trying too hard.
"Look," he said to the bones. "Just get up. I don't have all day, and I can already feel the humidity of this place getting into my joints."
[SKILL ACTIVATED: Lesser Reanimation (Lv. 1)]
"Eh? I had a skill?" He thought.
There was no thunder.
No choir of damned souls.
No dramatic swell of music.
Just a wet sound—like plunging a clogged toilet—followed by an unpleasant clack-clack-clack as the bones snapped together in a distinctly unprofessional manner.
A femur ended up where the humerus should have been.
It corrected itself after a second with a nervous twitch.
Standing before him was a human skeleton of average height.
Slightly hunched.
One shoulder lower than the other.
Its skull tilted just enough to give the impression of permanent confusion.
Kaito waited.
The skeleton waited.
Thirty seconds passed.
Drip.
Drip.
Stale water echoed somewhere in the crypt.
"Well?" Kaitoi finally asked.
The skeleton didn't respond. Its empty eye sockets stared at an indeterminate spot on the wall with the dedication of someone clocked out mentally.
"No sarcastic remarks?" Kaito pressed, irritation creeping in. "No tragic backstory? You're not the sealed soul of an ancient warrior who will now serve as my reluctant mentor?"
The skeleton's jaw moved slightly.
Click.
Then it returned to its previous state, indistinguishable from a badly assembled coat rack.
A new window appeared.
[MINION ANALYSIS]
· Type: Human Skeleton (Damaged)
· Intelligence: Non-existent
· Management Requirement: Constant micro-supervision
· Combat Potential: Situational
· Additional Use: Paperweight, trap trigger, morale deterrent
Kaito rubbed his face slowly.
"I've read hundreds of novels," he muttered, "where the first skeleton or monster the protagonist randomly summons is absurdly competent and saves the protagonist in the tutorial dungeon."
He looked at the motionless pile of bones masquerading as an employee.
"What I get is furniture."
He sighed again.
"You're useless," he decided. "I'll call you Larry."
The skeleton did not react.
"You have the posture of someone named Larry," Kaito continued, "who worked in accounting for twenty years and died during an unpaid lunch break."
Larry didn't answer.
Obviously.
Somewhere deep within the System, a subroutine quietly updated:
[MINION NAME REGISTERED: Larry.]
Kaito stared at the notification.
Then at Larry.
Then at the dungeon.
"Perfect," he said flatly. "This is going to be a long eternity."
Then, Kaito spoke at the System.
"System. What do I have to do now? Isn't this the part where I kill a lot of monsters to become powerful?" He asked.
The System responded instantly, almost eagerly.
[RECOMMENDED PROGRESSION PATH:]
→ Eliminate low-threat hostile entities
→ Accumulate experience points
→ Repeat until numerical superiority is achieved
Kaito blinked.
"So… genocide by spreadsheet," he summarized.
[CLARIFICATION: 'Genocide' is a narrative exaggeration.]
[Preferred terminology: 'Efficient Progression.']
"Right," Kaito said. "Let me guess. I kill ten rats. I level up. Then I kill ten slightly angrier rats. Then ten wolves. Then ten wolves with glowing eyes. Then ten wolves with names."
[CONFIRMED.]
Kaito stared into the middle distance.
"And after that?"
[AFTER THAT:
→ Increased health pool
→ Marginally higher damage output
→ Access to the same activity, but with larger numbers.]
"…So the reward for grinding," Kaito said slowly, "is the privilege of grinding harder."
[POSITIVE FEEDBACK DETECTED.]
"No. No, that was not positive."
Larry shifted slightly. One of his ribs fell off and reattached itself with a faint click.
Kaito gestured at him.
"Do you see this, Larry? This is what passes for 'progress' here. I don't get smarter. I don't get better tools. I just become statistically more tolerated by the universe."
[LEVELING SYSTEM IS A PROVEN ENGAGEMENT MODEL.]
"Of course it is," Kaito muttered. "Why fix problems when you can inflate numbers until people stop noticing them?"
A new panel opened.
[OPTIONAL DAILY QUEST AVAILABLE!]
→ Defeat 5 Cave Rats
→ Reward: +1 Strength
→ Bonus: Sense of Accomplishment
Kaito stared at the words Sense of Accomplishment.
"…That's not a reward," he said quietly. "That's emotional outsourcing."
[WARNING: User hostility toward progression mechanics detected.]
"Good."
He crossed his arms.
"Let me make something very clear, System. I am not going to spend the next fifty chapters stabbing wildlife so a number goes from 12 to 13 even though I know that's what people want."
[ALTERNATIVE PROGRESSION METHODS ARE NOT RECOMMENDED.]
"Then this is going to be awkward," Kaito replied. "Because I don't want to be like a Korean good looking guy who spends his entire days killing monsters and randomly saving the day."
The System paused.
Not buffered.
Paused.
Larry's skull tilted half a degree, which somehow made him look concerned.
"Welcome to inefficient gameplay," Kaito said. "You're about to hate me."
Somewhere deep inside the System, a risk assessment quietly failed.