"Yo, I heard a wannabe Hero got caught under a falling building. I came to see how pathetic he looks now." A mocking voice was heard from outside the room as Smoker strolled in wearing his iconic jacket and smoking two cigars as always.
"Hina never knew you were such a weakling that you would end up in a hospital just because of a fallen building. Now, Hina has seen a new low for Marine recruit standards." Another voice sounded as Hina strolled in after Smoker, looking prim and pristine as ever.
"Great, just what I needed. A pink-haired tsundere and a chain smoker who's trying to kill me with passive smoke. Can this day get any better?" Just as Raiden finished talking in his sarcastic voice, the door was opened once again with so much force that it flew off its hinges, crashing into the wall.
Both Hina and Smoker froze in their tracks as soon as the gruff-looking man entered the room, his presence alone raising the temperature by several degrees
He was wearing a red Hawaiian t-shirt and smoking a cigar, his every step raising the tension in the room higher and higher.
He took slow, deliberate steps towards Raiden's bed before stopping just at the bedside, looming over him menacingly.
"So, are you responsible for the destruction in the Marine living quarters, boy?" The man asked in a deep voice as he lit his cigar using blistering hot magma on the tip of his finger.
"Yes, Sakazuki-san. I kinda did it... accidentally." Raiden replied with a stiff smile as he tried to act casual in the presence of the Mad Dog himself. (Is that you, Majima?)
Akainu said nothing and just took a deep drag of his cigar before releasing the smoke cloud on Raiden's face, causing him to cough violently.
"Tell me, brat, what do you think about Pirates? How should they be treated?" Raiden started to feel heavy pressure land onto his body as soon as he heard the question. He didn't know if it was Haki or just the sheer pressure this man exuded.
"Well...Pirates....They are the trash of the sea. They don't deserve to live. If I see one, I'll kill one—If I see a hundred, I'll kill a hundred." Raiden replied using the best answer he thought he could give to satisfy this man.
From what he knew about Akainu, the man hated pirates with an unrelenting passion. Due to this philosophy, he tended to be a little...extreme in his ways. Just a little.
Besides, Raiden genuinely thought this way—at least for a certain kind of pirates, like the Arlong Pirates.
As for Straw Hats, you dare to call them pirates? They were more lawful and good than the Marines themselves. He wanted to give them a good citizen card in the future, if possible.
After waiting for half a minute and feeling ever-increasing pressure on his shoulders, Raiden didn't know what else to say to appease this man. So he did what he was best at under pressure, comedy.
"Umm, Sakazuki-san, can you please put out your cigar? It's very bad for your health, ya know. Not to mention passive smoking, which also kills people. What if I die without catching my first pirate? Don't sound like a very good way for Hero to retire. Haha...hahaha...ha...." Raiden felt the atmosphere in the room freeze as soon as he finished speaking.
He saw both Smoker and Hina making frantic hand gestures at him from behind, while Akainu's face got even more grim and dark if it was possible.
[Well, this is it, I guess. It was knowing you, Host. I will light a insense in your memory after you are gone, know that you died doing what you loved: making terrible jokes to people who could vaporise you. I am sure to lose my bonus for this year.]
Just as Raiden began to feel that pressure was getting unbearable, it suddenly vanished. Instead, he heard a booming laugh echoing throughout the room.
"Wahahahahahaha, good brat. I like you. I will be watching you in the future." His expression turned glacial, magma dripping from his fingertips onto the floor, burning small holes. "And if you slip off or betray the Marines...I will kill you myself."
Then he turned and walked out, still smoking his cigar, leaving scorch marks on the doorframe.
The room felt considerably lighter and brighter as soon as he exited the room, making Raiden wonder.
'Could it be that Akainu, the Mad Dog of Marines, is a fan of Dad Jokes?' He didn't get time to ponder this revelation as Smoker charged straight towards him with a scowl on his face.
"Godamn it, Raiden, you fucking prick!!" Smoker shouted as he barrelled straight towards him, striking hard on his bandaged right hand.
"Don't you-FUCK!!!! Damn it, Smoker, that hurts!!!" Raiden said as he felt tears coming out of his eyes due to pain.
Just as he finished speaking, Hina also charged at him, before striking hard on his right hand again, with much more force than Smoker did.
As another loud 'FUCK!!!!' echoed throughout the room, both of them glared at Raiden, who now couldn't stop his tears due to pain and was left spasming on the bed due to it.
"You deserve it. What were you thinking?! Hina almost died today because of you!! If you like to court death so much, do it in your spare time!!" Hina huffed angrily as she glared at him.
[You kinda deserved that one, Host. I am with them this time.]
'Shut it, System. Can't you see I am in enough pain already?'
"You both are bullying a disabled person!! Just wait until I get out, I will get even with you both!!" Raiden said with a wronged and stubborn expression on his face.
"Oh yeah? I feel so afraid~ You are so right. I should bully you now to my heart's content, who knows if I get a chance like this in the futuRE!!" With an evil smirk, Smoker hit his arm again, extracting another scream.
"Hina agrees with you for once, Muscle-brain. Who knows when we will get a golden chance like this again?" Hina also came over with a smile and hit his right arm.
"YOU MOTHERFUCKKKK---"
SMACK!!
"LISTEN HERE YOU SHI--"
SMACK!!
"YOU VIOLENT PINK-HAIRED GORILLA!!! NO ONE WILL EVER MARR--"
SMACK!!
"I SWEAR I WILL SHOVE UP THOSE CIGARS SO HIGH UP THAT---"
SMACK!!
Just like that, the sound of screaming and smacking rang throughout the day, making other patients shiver in fear, thinking someone was undergoing a painful treatment. It soon became a ghost myth that spread throughout the Marines: the Screaming Patient of Ward 3, whose agonised wails were said to haunt the corridors on quiet nights.