Chapter 131: The Archer of Fate and the Great Panty-Shot Prank
The atmosphere following the "yeeting" of the Sage was a bizarre mix of cosmic dread and slapstick comedy. While the Paladin of the Sun was still spinning in circles trying to find his own dignity, the third member of the Heroic Coalition stepped forward. This was Lyra, the Archer of Fate, a woman so serious she made a tombstone look like a stand-up comedian. She held a bow made of solidified moonlight and wore a cape that flowed even when there was no wind—mostly because she spent half her mana just looking dramatic.
"The Sage was a fool," Lyra declared, her voice cold and sharp enough to shave with. "He relied on time. I rely on the inevitable. My arrows are not aimed at your heart, Akuto; they are aimed at your ending."
Akuto, who was currently trying to see if he could balance the stolen (and partially eaten) hourglass on his nose, looked up. "Oh, hey! Another one. Does your bow come with a manual, or do you just point it and hope the 'Plot Armor' does the work for you?"
Lyra's eye twitched. She pulled back her string, and a glowing arrow of pure destiny materialized. "Die, you narrative glitch!"
She released the arrow. It didn't fly in a straight line; it teleported through space, seeking the exact moment Akuto would be most vulnerable. But as the arrow reached for his throat, Akuto did something that shocked the entire Multiversal Coalition. He didn't dodge. He didn't block. He reached out and caught the arrow with his teeth, crunching it like a piece of celery.
"Needs more salt," Akuto mumbled, spitting out glowing shards of 'Fate'.
Down on the balcony of the Obsidian Spire, Volt was now sitting in a recliner chair that Sai had brought out. He was wearing dark sunglasses, despite the violet sun. "Anos," Volt shouted, "record this part! I want to show the Void-Walkers how we treat their 'Inevitable' heroes. This is better than the season finale of Demon King's Kitchen!"
Anos sighed, holding up a magical recording crystal. "Father, we have a reputation to maintain. At least let me kill the Paladin before we turn this into a circus."
"Reputation is for people who can't rewrite the dictionary, Anos!" Volt laughed, tossing a grape into the air and catching it in his mouth.
Back in the sky, Lyra was losing her mind. She fired ten arrows at once—the 'Rain of Unavoidable Misfortune'. But Akuto had already activated his newest power: The Author's Slapstick Aura. As the arrows flew toward him, the space around Akuto turned into a cartoonish logic zone. One arrow turned into a rubber chicken; another turned into a bouquet of flowers; and the third one simply stopped, looked at Akuto, and flew back to hit Lyra in the forehead with a loud clonk.
"What is this magic?!" Lyra screamed, rubbing the growing bump on her head. "This is a violation of the Heroic Code!"
"The Heroic Code is boring, Lyra," Akuto said, suddenly appearing right behind her. "You know what's not boring? Gravity."
Before she could turn around, Akuto didn't use a sword or a spell. He used a giant, oversized mallet he had materialized out of the dark energy of the Sakuna root. "Whack-a-Hero!" he yelled, swinging the mallet.
BOOM!
The Archer of Fate was sent hurtling toward the ground. But Akuto wasn't done. He dived after her, grabbing her cape. "Wait! You forgot your dignity!" With a flick of his wrist, he tied her cape to a passing meteor. Lyra was suddenly yanked upward, screaming as she was dragged across the sky like a kite caught in a hurricane.
Meanwhile, the Paladin of the Sun finally managed to charge at Volt. "Demon King! I shall purge you in the name of the High Council!" He swung his glowing claymore, but as he hit the barrier of the spire, a giant, neon-pink boxing glove emerged from the shadows and punched him squarely in the face.
The Paladin flew backward, his golden helmet spinning off his head. "Wait... why is the glove pink?" he asked, dazed.
Sasha and Karin were leaning over the balcony railing, laughing so hard they were clutching their stomachs. "It was my idea!" Sasha shouted. "If you're going to get beaten by a Demon King, it might as well be stylish!"
Volt stood up, adjusting his crown. The 12 million points of influence were now glowing so brightly that the entire world felt like it was part of a high-budget comedy show. "Alright, enough play-time. The Librarian is probably crying in a corner somewhere, and the Council is getting a headache. Akuto, bring the Archer back. I want to ask her if she has any more of those 'Fate' arrows. They make great toothpicks."
Akuto flew back, dragging a very dizzy and very disheveled Lyra by her ankles. He landed on the balcony and dropped her like a sack of potatoes. "Here you go, Father. One 'Hero of Destiny,' slightly used and very confused."
Volt looked down at the Archer. He reached out and tapped the golden crest on his wrist. "You see, Lyra, the problem with 'Fate' is that it's just a draft. And as the Author, I have a very large eraser."
He waved his hand, and the Archer's fancy moonlight bow vanished, replaced by a pair of knitting needles. "Go home. Tell the Council that the next time they send 'Heroes,' they should make sure they're funny. I'm bored of the serious ones."
The 12 million influence points surged again. The system notification popped up: [Achievement Unlocked: Moral Victory through Humiliation].
Kaelen of the Dying Sun stared at the knitting needles in Lyra's hands, then at the laughing Demon King family. "I spent eons being afraid of the Council... and you just turned their greatest weapon into a grandma's hobby."
"Laughter is the ultimate negation of 'Plot Armor,' Kaelen," Volt said, sitting back in his recliner. "If you can't take a story seriously, its power over you disappears."
As the defeated heroes crawled back through the rift, the sky of the Empire of the Violet Star returned to its beautiful, calm violet. The family gathered around for a feast, the atmosphere light and full of joy. The 'Applying' phase was long gone; they were now in the 'Living the Best Life' phase.
"Tomorrow," Volt said, raising a cup of nectar, "we might actually have to do some real work. But tonight... who wants to see me turn the moon into a giant disco ball?"
Anos and Akuto cheered, while Vanessa just shook her head with a smile. The Demon King wasn't just back—he was having the time of his lives.