Chapter 134: The Great Heist of the Cosmic Vault
The morning in the Empire of the Violet Star didn't start with a sunrise, but with the sound of an 8-bit trumpet and the clicking of a thousand calculators. Protagonist #402, now officially the Empire's Chief Financial Officer (CFO), stood before Volt with a clipboard made of solidified darkness.
"My Lord," the accountant-warrior said, adjusting his sweater vest. "If we are to maintain this union of deleted misfits, we need more than just 'vibes' and 'slapstick aura.' We need liquid assets. The Council of Void-Walkers has frozen our inter-dimensional credit. We are, quite literally, out of ink."
Volt, who was currently trying to teach a floating leg how to do a kickflip, looked up. "Out of ink? That's impossible. I have 25 million influence points!"
"Influence points are great for prestige, sir, but they don't pay for the 'Divine Sliders' or the insurance on Akuto's oversized mallets," the CFO explained. "The Council stores the raw 'Primordial Ink'—the stuff they use to write new universes—in the Cosmic Vault of the First Tier. It's the most secure location in the multiverse. Naturally, I suggest we rob it."
Akuto and Anos appeared instantly, their eyes gleaming. "A heist?" Akuto asked, spinning a rubber chicken like a nunchuck. "I've always wanted to wear a black turtleneck and crawl through laser grids!"
"We don't need turtlenecks, Akuto," Anos said, sharpening his God-Slayer blade. "We have the Author's Mark. We'll just walk in through the front door and rewrite the 'Closed' sign to 'Welcome, Please Take Everything'."
Volt stood up, the golden crest on his wrist pulsing with a mischievous energy. "Gather the Union. We're going to the Bank."
The Cosmic Vault was a massive, floating cube of white marble situated in the center of a black hole. It was guarded by the Audit-Bots, soulless machines programmed to detect even a single decimal point out of place.
The Union's "strike team" arrived in a swirl of violet mist. It consisted of Volt, his sons, the 8-bit knight (who was jittering at 15 frames per second), the 2-D ninja, and the CFO.
"Stop!" a giant Audit-Bot boomed, its eyes flashing red. "Identification required. Unauthorized entry will result in immediate 'Taxation of the Soul'."
Volt stepped forward, wearing a fake mustache over his real one. "Identification? I'm the... uh... Senior Multiversal Health Inspector. We've had reports of a logic leak in your vault. Very dangerous. Could turn all your gold into cheese."
The Audit-Bot's head tilted. "Logic leak? Analyzing... logic is constant. Truth is absolute."
"Not when I'm holding the pen," Volt whispered. He tapped the Author's Mark. Suddenly, the Audit-Bot's logic core was overwritten. Instead of a guard, it became a very polite valet.
"Welcome, Inspector. Would you like me to park your black hole for you?" the bot asked, bowing.
"Nice work, Father," Akuto laughed, skipping toward the vault door. "Now, let's crack this egg!"
Inside, the vault was a labyrinth of 'Alternative Endings' and 'Unused Plot Twists' stored in jars. In the center sat the Great Inkwell of Creation. But guarding it was the Head Accountant of the Void, a being made entirely of spreadsheets and red ink.
"Volt!" the Head Accountant shrieked. "You cannot withdraw the Primordial Ink! It is reserved for the 'Chosen Hero' stories of 2026! Your narrative is not on the schedule!"
"The schedule is under new management," Anos said, swinging his blade. The violet energy from his sword didn't cut the Accountant; it simply turned all his red ink into blue ink, effectively 'approving' their heist.
Akuto, meanwhile, found a jar labeled [Plot Twist: The Villain was the Good Guy all along]. He opened it and took a sniff. "Ooh, smells like plot holes and lavender. Let's see what happens if I throw this at the guard!"
Akuto tossed the jar at a group of approaching security bots. Upon impact, the bots suddenly grew tiny halos and started apologizing for their 'misunderstood behavior.' They began to help the Union load the Primordial Ink into giant barrels.
"This is the easiest heist in history," the 8-bit knight chirped, though his text box was slightly clipping through a wall.
As they reached the exit, the Grand Overseer's voice boomed through the speakers. "Volt! You are stealing the very essence of existence! This is an all-time low for a Demon King!"
Volt looked up at the ceiling, his grin wider than ever. "Stealing? Overseer, I'm just 'reallocating' the budget. You spent too much on 'Tragic Backstories' anyway. I'm putting this into the 'Happy Endings for Everyone' fund."
With a final surge of his 25 million influence points, Volt turned the entire marble vault into a giant bounce house. As the Union jumped their way out, carrying barrels of ink, the Audit-Bots were too busy trying to maintain their balance to stop them.
Back at the Obsidian Spire, the Union celebrated. The CFO was already calculating how much 'Reality' they could buy with the stolen ink. "Sir, with this, we can upgrade the Empire to 'Ultra-HD' and add a third moon that's made entirely of chocolate."
"Do it," Volt said, sitting on his throne while Vanessa laughed at his fake mustache. "And make sure the Council gets the bill. Tell them it's a 'Consultation Fee' for teaching them how to have a good time."
The 25 million points shifted to 30 million. The 'Applying' phase was a joke; they were now in the [MASTERS OF THE BUDGET] phase.
"Tomorrow," Akuto said, dipping his rubber chicken into the Primordial Ink, "we should go and steal the 'Theme Song' of the multiverse. I want something with more cowbell."
Volt raised a glass of ink-infused nectar. "To the Union! And to the fact that we're officially too big to fail!"