Chapter 130: The Sage of Frozen Time and the Infinite Facepalm
The cosmic battlefield was set, but it didn't look like the epic showdown the High Council had envisioned. The Sage of Frozen Time, a man who looked like he had spent ten thousand years sniffing his own farts in a library, hovered in the air with a look of supreme arrogance. He held a golden hourglass and wore a hat so tall it looked like a structural hazard.
"I am the Master of the Fourth Dimension!" the Sage bellowed, his voice echoing through the violet sky of the Empire of the Violet Star. "I shall freeze your very atoms and—"
Before he could finish, Akuto landed a few feet away, picking his ear with his pinky finger. He looked at the Sage's hat, then at the hourglass, and then back at the hat. "Hey, Anos!" Akuto shouted toward the other side of the battlefield. "Does this guy look like a giant ice-cream cone to you, or am I just hungry from eating all those angels?"
Anos, who was busy dodging the Paladin of the Sun's holy strikes with the grace of a cat that just found a laser pointer, glanced over. "He looks like a wizard who lost a bet with a tailor, Akuto. Just finish it. His monologue is lowering the IQ of the entire galaxy."
The Sage turned bright red, his hourglass shaking. "Insolent brats! I shall freeze time itself!" He flipped the hourglass, and a wave of grey energy rippled outward. Everything stopped. The falling snow froze in mid-air. The wind ceased. Even the light seemed to turn into a static painting. The Sage smirked, walking toward Akuto with a dagger of solidified seconds. "Now, little demon, let us see how you—"
"Wait, is this supposed to be the part where I'm scared?"
The Sage nearly tripped over his own robes. Akuto was still moving. In fact, he was leaning against the frozen air as if it were a brick wall, yawning. "Your 'Frozen Time' feels like a slow internet connection, old man. It's annoying, but not lethal."
"Impossible!" the Sage shrieked. "Nothing moves in the Null-Time!"
"Clearly, you haven't seen the data on our influence lately," Akuto said, pointing to the golden mark on his father's wrist in the distance. "My father literally wrote the concept of time for this world. You're trying to use a pirated version of his software."
Inside the spire, Volt was watching the fight through a magical projection, eating a bowl of grapes that Vanessa was peeling for him. He leaned back on his throne, sighing. "Vanessa, look at that Sage. He actually thinks that hat makes him look powerful. It's embarrassing. I should have edited his fashion sense before he arrived."
"He's a 'Hero,' dear," Vanessa said with a small laugh. "They usually have more ego than brain cells."
Back in the sky, Akuto decided he had enough. He reached out and grabbed the Sage's golden hourglass. "I'll be taking this. It'll make a great salt shaker for our dinner tonight."
"Give it back!" the Sage screamed, swinging his dagger. Akuto simply stepped to the side, causing the Sage to fly past him and head-butt one of the frozen clouds. The impact made a sound like a wet sponge hitting a window.
"You know," Akuto said, the Sakuna root glowing with a mischievous red light, "I've always wondered what happens if you eat a concept." He opened his mouth wide—unnaturally wide—and bit the top off the hourglass.
The Sage's eyes nearly popped out of his head. "You... you just ate the Fourth Dimension?!"
Akuto swallowed with a loud gulp and patted his stomach. Suddenly, his movements became a blur. He was moving so fast that he appeared in ten different places at once, surrounding the Sage. "Ooh, tastes like mint and regret. Very refreshing!"
The Sage tried to cast another spell, but Akuto was already behind him, tying the Sage's long beard to his own tall hat. "There. Now you look like a very confused Christmas ornament."
Down on the balcony, Kaelen of the Dying Sun watched the chaos, rubbing his forehead. "Volt, is your son always this... unhinged?"
Volt popped another grape into his mouth. "Only on days ending in 'y.' He takes after his uncle. Now watch this—this is the best part."
In the sky, Akuto grabbed the Sage by his tied beard and spun him around like a lasso. "Going once! Going twice! Sold to the Void-Walkers for zero points!" With a massive heave, Akuto threw the Sage toward the horizon. The Sage disappeared with a 'ding' sound, leaving a trail of grey static behind him.
The 12 million points of influence surged again. The system sent a notification: [Achievement Unlocked: Bullied a Level 99 Sage into Early Retirement].
Anos landed next to Akuto, shaking his head. "You didn't have to tie his beard to his hat, you know."
"It added 'artistic flair' to the narrative, Anos. Father says the Author needs to keep the audience entertained."
Volt stood up from his throne, wiping his hands on a silk cloth. "Well played, boys. But the Archer of Fate is still out there, and she looks like she actually knows how to use a weapon. Also, someone tell Sasha to stop laughing; her aura is making the Soul-Trees grow too many lemons."
The family gathered on the balcony, watching the "Heroic" coalition fall apart before it even truly began. The Demon King wasn't just winning the war; he was making it the most entertaining massacre in the history of the multiverse.