Just as he let out a tiny sigh of relief, Saki's mom appeared from the kitchen. "Dinner's ready! Why don't you two stay and eat?"
Haruto froze.
Stay… and eat… here…? But… but… I've had dinner here before. Plenty of times. It's normal. Totally normal.
Except it wasn't normal today. Today, Haruto's brain was still orbiting around Saki. His heart was still doing somersaults every time she smiled. His palms were still sweaty from the study panic apocalypse. And now… dinner meant… sitting next to her, eating, talking, breathing in the same space.
This is… this is catastrophic. Life-threatening. Soul-exiting. Everything is illegal.
"I… uh… sure," he said slowly, his voice cracking slightly. He felt like a marshmallow in a toaster.
Saki tilted her head, clearly amused. "You okay? You look… pale."
Pale?! PALE?! I am literally tomato-colored internally. Red. Hot. DO YOU NOT SEE MY PANIC?!
"I… yeah! Totally fine!" he stammered, trying to sound casual while internally screaming.
Saki's mom led them to the table. Haruto's movements were slow, deliberate, and overthought. Each step toward the dining table felt like he was crossing a battlefield.
Don't trip. Don't spill. Don't… breathe wrong. Don't… accidentally hug her arm. Everything is a trap.
He sat down carefully, placing his hands on his lap instead of on the table like a proper human. Saki sat across from him, smiling as she reached for her plate. Haruto tried to focus on his food, but every glance up at her made his chest tighten.
I've eaten here a million times before. And it was fine. But today? TODAY IS ILLEGAL. My brain cannot compute this level of… cuteness proximity.
He poked at his food, pretending to eat while his brain ran through dozens of possible disasters:
What if I drop my fork? What if she laughs at me? What if I… oh no… what if I smile at her too much and she notices I'm panicking?
Saki caught him staring at her for a split second. "You're not just staring at your food, are you?" she teased lightly.
She noticed?! SHE NOTICED?!
"I… uh… not at all! Just… thinking about… uh… math… and… studies!" he blurted, nearly choking on a bite of rice.
Saki giggled softly, adjusting her glasses. "Sure… your studies, genius."
Studies… right. Studies… NOT her smile. NOT her hair. NOT the way she's sitting across from me looking like… like… the most distracting human alive.
By the time dinner ended, Haruto was exhausted. Not from hunger, not from studying, but from surviving every glance, every smile, every little casual movement Saki made while he tried to appear like a normal human.
As he finally stood to leave, he muttered under his breath: "Why does normal dinner… feel like the end of the world?"
Saki gave him a small smile. "You did great today, Haruto. Thanks for studying with me."
Did great? I survived dinner. Barely. Internally destroyed. Soul halfway missing. Heart… exploded at least three times. PHYSICAL SURVIVAL: 0/10.
And as he stepped outside her house, he felt a tiny flicker of relief—but knew deep down, the next study session would probably melt his brain even more.
Haruto trudged back toward his house, still trembling slightly from the dinner "ordeal." His backpack felt heavier than usual, and every step was accompanied by a low hum of internal screaming. I survived studying… I survived dinner… barely… soul still mostly intact… ish…
He opened the front door and froze.
There, leaning casually against the doorway with a smirk that spelled imminent disaster, was his older brother.
"Well, well, well…" his brother drawled, eyes glinting with mischief. "Studying with your… future girlfriend, huh?"
FUTURE GIRLFRIEND?! PANIC MODE: GOD LEVEL. EVERYTHING IS ON FIRE. HEART LAUNCHING INTO ORBIT. SOUL—WHERE DID MY SOUL GO?!
Haruto's face went a shade of red that probably violated several international safety codes. "I… I… uh…"
"You heard me," his brother said, stepping into the house like a predator entering a battlefield. "Studying… together… alone… hm?" He gave a low whistle.
ALONE?! ALONE?! We were literally sitting across a table and breathing the same air! THIS IS ILLEGAL! MY BRAIN IS MELTING!
"I… it's… uh… just studying!" Haruto managed, waving his hands like he was fending off a swarm of bees. "Nothing… nothing else!"
His brother leaned closer, grinning devilishly. "Oh? Just studying? Then why are you redder than a tomato, little brother?"
REDDER THAN A TOMATO?! My face isn't even attached to my body anymore. I've reached peak embarrassment. Soul evacuation in progress.
Haruto tried to calm himself by pacing, a classic strategy he had learned worked… sometimes. "I… I'm fine! Totally fine! Studies… midterms… that's it!"
His brother chuckled, shaking his head. "Sure, sure. Midterms. Just… midterms. And Saki, sitting there in glasses, looking all smart and cute… totally nothing to do with your current state of… panic."
SMART AND CUTE… NO. STOP IT. PANIC MODE: OVER 9000. BRAIN FRIED. ORGANS MELTING. I'M DEAD.
Haruto's hands trembled as he pulled at the straps of his backpack. "I… uh… I… gotta… go…" he muttered, retreating toward his room like a man fleeing a volcano.
His brother laughed, the sound echoing in the hallway. "Go? Go where? Back to your room to… think about studying with your girlfriend? Ah, the joys of youth."
YOUTH… JOYS… GIRLFRIEND… OH GOD. I AM FROZEN. CAN'T MOVE. FACE IS MELTING. HEART… EXPLODING AGAIN.
Haruto slammed his door behind him and leaned against it, letting out a dramatic, shaky breath. His heart was still doing somersaults, his hands were sweaty, and his brain had officially resigned from its duties.
WHY DOES NORMAL LIFE INVOLVE THIS MUCH PANIC?! Why does he exist? Why do I exist? Why is Saki… SO CUTE?!
He sank onto his bed, hiding his face in his hands. His brother's laughter echoed faintly from the hallway, a constant reminder that the world had just discovered his deepest secret: panic-level feelings for Saki.
How will I ever face her again tomorrow… or the day after… or the next…?
And somewhere, deep in the recesses of his brain, Haruto realized: studying with Saki was not going to be just studying ever again.
I'm doomed. Absolutely, irreversibly doomed. Soul… anyone… help…
Haruto lay on his bed, staring at the ceiling, his brain refusing to turn off. Every thought somehow circled back to Saki. Her smile. Her glasses. The way she leaned over her notebook. The way she… existed.
I survived studying. I survived dinner. And I… I want to… hug her. Just a little hug. Totally normal. Totally fine.
He hugged his pillow tightly, imagining it was her. Okay. That's fine. Totally fine. Nothing illegal here.
And then, as if the universe hated him, one tiny word crossed his mind: kissing.
The moment it did, Haruto froze mid-breath. His eyes went wide. His face ignited into a shade that could have been spotted from space.
No. No. NO. Brain! STOP! This is illegal. My soul cannot process this. My organs have officially gone on strike. Heart… exploded. PANIC. PANIC. PANIC.
He buried his face in the pillow, flailing slightly as if that would erase the thought. DELETE. DELETE. DELETE. THINK ABOUT ANYTHING ELSE. MATH. BADMINTON. VIDEO GAMES. ANYTHING.
But the word refused to leave. It bounced around his head like a relentless jackhammer. KISS. KISS. KISS. OH GOD, KISS. WHAT DO I DO? WHAT DO I DO? PANIC LEVEL: GOD-TIER.
He flopped onto his side dramatically, kicking one leg over the other. Maybe if I close my eyes really tight… it will go away… no… it's still there… IT'S STILL THERE!
Haruto hugged the pillow even tighter, muttering, "I… I cannot… survive… this… why… why is my brain like this…"
He tried to calm himself by imagining studying again. Notes, textbooks, pencils… but somehow Saki's face kept popping up, smiling softly, glasses slightly tilted, her hair catching the light… and then the panic returned with full force.
I WANT TO HUG HER. I WANT TO HUG HER AND NOT DIE. BUT NO, MY FACE IS BURNING. BRAIN IS MELTING. SOUL… FLED.
He kicked his bed slightly in frustration. Ow! My toe! Why now? Universe hates me!
After a few minutes of flopping, groaning, and flailing, he finally sat up, clutching his head. Okay. Focus. Breathe. I will… survive… sleep… survive tomorrow… maybe…
He buried his face in the pillow again. "Why… why does normal life involve cute girls? WHY DOES SHE EXIST?!"
Somewhere, deep in the chaos, he realized: sleeping tonight would be impossible. Not with his brain running on overdrive, imagining hugging, thinking about kissing, and panicking at the mere idea of it.
Haruto groaned, letting out a long, dramatic sigh. I am doomed. Absolutely doomed. And yet… somehow… I can't stop thinking about her.
And with that thought, he collapsed onto his pillow, tightly hugging it, heart racing, face red, and soul officially halfway missing.
Haruto flopped onto his bed, face first, hugging his pillow with every ounce of strength he could muster. He buried his face into the soft fabric and… imagined it was Saki.
Okay. Totally fine. Totally normal. Totally not illegal. Just hugging a pillow. Definitely not hugging Saki. Definitely not thinking about hugging her… okay, maybe thinking a little…
His arms squeezed the pillow tighter. Her hair would probably smell nice. Soft. Cute. Probably smells like… whatever shampoo she uses…
He inhaled deeply into the pillow, imagining her scent. No. Stop it. Brain. This is illegal. My soul cannot survive this. My organs are filing formal complaints.
He nuzzled the pillow closer, feeling his heartbeat accelerate with every imagined movement of hers. Her smile… her glasses… her laugh… and now I'm hugging her… I mean the pillow… yes… pillow… not her…
Haruto's thoughts spiraled. If I hug her… pillow… Saki… pillow… does this count as practicing… human… interaction? NO! PANIC! PANIC! PANIC!
He rolled slightly onto his side, clutching the pillow like it was the last lifeboat in a stormy ocean. Okay… okay… breathe… pretend this is normal… NORMAL. NOTHING WEIRD.
Then, in true Haruto fashion, his brain betrayed him again. He imagined Saki leaning across the table during their study session, smiling softly… and in his panic, he hugged the pillow even tighter.
Oh no. Oh no. OH NO. Why am I hugging the pillow like this? Why is my face burning? Why does my heart feel like it's doing gymnastics? HELP!
He rested his cheek on the pillow, sighing dramatically. I… I want to hug her… but I can't… so… I'll hug the pillow instead… yes… perfect substitute…
And so, Haruto lay there, hugging his pillow like it was Saki, muttering half-coherently to himself:
"I… I am surviving… hugging… pillow… totally fine… NOT HUGGING SAKI… she's… cute… dangerous… illegal…"
Every now and then, he squeezed the pillow tighter, imagining her laugh, her smile, the little tilt of her glasses… and his face burned hotter than ever.
This is… chaotic… catastrophic… and yet… somehow… perfect.
Eventually, his breathing slowed slightly, though his face remained beet red, his soul half-fleeing, and his heart still performing its own version of gymnastics. He hugged the pillow a little tighter, silently promising himself:
Tomorrow… school… seeing her… will probably kill me. But… maybe… just maybe… worth it.
And with that thought, he finally let his eyelids droop—pillow still firmly in arms, heart still overcaffeinated with panic, and brain already spiraling into what would happen when he saw her in the morning.