A/N chapter idea goes to Potterhead_14
JAY-JAY POV
I sat on the couch for some time, just scrolling through my phone, pretending I wasn't thinking about him.
Then I got up.
Enough.
Let's see what else you're hiding, mister "I'm fine" and "I didn't do anything."
I walked into Keifer's room quietly, closing the door behind me.
The room smelled like him — clean, warm, a little like the cologne he used to wear.
Annoying.
I started searching.
First stop: the closet.
I opened it and blinked.
Nothing.
Just clothes.
Neatly organized clothes.
Color‑coordinated.
Folded.
Stacked like he was auditioning for a home‑makeover show.
Meanwhile, my closet looked like it survived a hurricane, a tornado, and three children.
I rolled my eyes.
"Of course," I muttered. "Of course you're still annoyingly neat."
I checked the top shelf.
Nothing.
I checked the bottom.
Shoes lined up like soldiers.
I stepped back, hands on my hips.
"Okay, Keifer," I whispered to myself. "Where are you hiding the real secrets?"
I turned toward his nightstand.
There were his pills and a diary
Yes, finally something
I sat on his bed and started to open his book
The first few pages were a bit boring.
Just… normal life stuff.
His routine.
His thoughts.
Nothing dramatic.
Then I checked the dates.
Before Section E.
Before the kids.
Before everything.
Wow.
He'd been writing for almost four years.
Why was I getting mad?
This was BEFORE me.
Before us.
Before anything.
But still—
Why did he write so much about them?
Why did he describe their dates?
Why did he write about how Ella laughed?
Why did he write about how Freya used to braid his hair?
"Oh wow, Keifer," I muttered. "You were really out here living your best romantic life, huh?"
I kept reading, eyebrows twitching.
"Freya thinks I'm too distant"
"Ella says I'm confusing"
I rolled my eyes so hard I saw my brain.
"Confusing? Yeah, join the club."
I flipped another page.
Then the dates changed.
It was the time I entered Section E.
I read the first line.
"The new girl is getting on my nerves."
I blinked.
Excuse me?
Me?
Getting on his nerves?
I felt my eyebrow twitch.
"Oh wow," I muttered. "Let's see what else you had to say, Mr. I‑Didn't‑Do‑Anything."
I flipped to the next line.
"She talks too much."
I gasped.
"I DO NOT— okay maybe a little but still—"
Next line.
"She's loud."
"YOU WERE LOUDER," I whispered aggressively in the diary.
Next line.
"She's bossy."
I scoffed.
"Yeah, because someone had to keep you idiots alive."
Next line.
"She's annoying."
My jaw dropped.
Annoying?
ME?
ME???
I flipped the page with the force of a hurricane.
And then—
The next line wasn't an insult.
It wasn't even mean.
It was written smaller.
Softer.
Almost like he didn't want anyone to see it.
"But she makes the room feel less empty."
I froze.
My breath caught.
The anger in my chest softened just a little
"Why am I starting to love her."
"Damn it, it was a plan but I love her now."
"Why do I have to break her heart to protect her."
I stared at the page.
My chest tightened.
I remembered this timeline.
Too well.
This was when he revealed his stupid plan.
When he pushed me away "for my own good."
When I got so pissed I didn't talk to him for days.
I flipped the page.
The entries stopped.
Just blank space.
Like he couldn't write anymore.
Like he didn't know what to say.
Like he was breaking his own heart while breaking mine.
Then, pages later, the writing started again.
The dates were different.
This was when we started dating.
I swallowed and kept reading.
"She said yes to be my girlfriend."
I rolled my eyes so hard I saw my soul leave my body.
Then the next line:
"For now Jay will be my girlfriend but later she will be my wife."
I froze.
The audacity.
THE AUDACITY.
"Who told you you could plan my whole life, huh?" I whispered angrily at the book. "Who gave you permission? Who said I was going to marry your dramatic, fainting, sleeping‑pill‑taking self?"
I flipped the page, still fuming.
Then the tone of the diary shifted.
The handwriting got shakier.
The sentences shorter.
The pain louder.
"Why did I do that to her?"
"Why didn't I hear her explanation?"
"Maybe I'm just like my father."
My breath caught.
I remembered this time.
The breakup.
The silence.
The way he shut me out and I shut him out harder.
I turned the page.
"I searched everywhere and she is nowhere to be found."
My chest tightened.
I kept reading.
"My father came back again. Said he wanted Keiran or my inheritance."
"I barely eat or sleep now."
"That monster is threatening to take Keiran away from me, but I got his custody."
"I'm very tired."
"I wish Jay was here right now. I want to sleep in her embrace."
I froze.
The room felt too quiet.
Too still.
Too heavy.
I stared at the words, my fingers trembling slightly against the page.
This wasn't the confident, teasing Keifer I knew.
This wasn't the guy who joked about kisses and acted like nothing could break him.
This was someone hurting.
Someone scared.
Someone alone.
Someone who needed me…
and didn't have me.
I swallowed hard, blinking rapidly.
Why did he write this?
Why did he carry all of this alone?
I closed the diary slowly, pressing my palm against the cover.
My anger didn't disappear.
But it cracked.
Just a little.
"Asshole," I muttered under my breath.
He'd been through a lot.
More than I knew.
More than he ever said.
Didn't even ask for help.
Didn't tell anyone.
Didn't reach out.
Just carried everything alone like the stubborn idiot he is.
"Asshole," I whispered again, softer this time.
"Gago."
My chest felt tight — angry tight, sad tight, confused tight.
I put the book back exactly where it was, neat and perfect, so he wouldn't know I read a single word.
Then I went to my room to check if he was sleeping.
He wasn't.
He was pretending to be asleep.
Asshole.
I stood there, arms crossed, staring at his very obvious fake‑sleep face.
Oh, I know what to do to you.
I walked toward the bed slowly, dramatically, like I was in some cheesy romance movie.
He didn't move.
Didn't flinch.
Didn't even twitch.
Just kept pretending.
I leaned down, hovering over him like I was about to kiss him.
I saw his eyelid twitch.
Caught you.
Then—
I kissed Keira instead, right on her tiny cheek where she was sleeping on his chest.
Keifer's eyes snapped open.
He looked annoyed.
Deeply annoyed.
Like how dare you not kiss me when you leaned in like that annoyed.
I smirked.
"What are you doing? You were supposed to be asleep," I said to him, narrowing my eyes.
"I can't sleep," he murmured, not even trying to hide it.
I sighed.
A long, exhausted, of course you can't kind of sigh.
I crossed my arms.
"You know," I muttered, "normal people close their eyes and try."
He looked up at me, expression unreadable.
"I did," he said quietly. "It didn't work."
I rolled my eyes, but my chest tightened anyway.
I climbed onto the bed — thank God there was still some space — and lay down next to Kevin, who immediately curled into my side like a little koala.
"Just close your eyes and think about someone you love," I said, adjusting the blanket over the kids. "Then you'll sleep."
Keifer turned his head slightly, just enough to look at me.
Not the kids.
Me.
His eyes softened in that annoying way that made my stomach twist.
"Someone I love, huh," he murmured.
I ignored the way my heart did a stupid flip.
"Yes," I said, keeping my voice firm. "It works."
He hummed, low and thoughtful.
Then he closed his eyes.
But not before giving me one of those looks — the kind that said he knew exactly what I was doing, exactly what I was avoiding, and exactly who he was going to think about.
Idiot.
I turned away, pulling Kevin closer.
But I could still feel Keifer's presence beside me.
Then before I knew it…
I slept.
One second I was staring at the ceiling, pretending I wasn't aware of Keifer breathing beside me.
The next, everything just… faded.
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
KEIFER POV
I looked at her and smiled.
She was sleeping so easily.
Like the world wasn't heavy.
Like nothing hurt.
And she was smiling in her sleep.
God, she looked so cute like that.
So peaceful.
So far from the chaos she carries when she's awake.
I felt something loosen in my chest.
Just watching her…
watching the kids breathing softly around us…
it made everything quiet for once.
I let my eyes close.
And just like that,
I fell asleep too.