After that, I was heartbroken. The guy whom I liked still wouldn't look my way. Pitiful, ain't it? Holding onto these feelings for so long, even though I knew he would never reciprocate them.
That's how it always was... And how it always will be.
Just Naomi, 'the second placer.' Yeah, that sounds about right. I deserve it for doing what I did, for playing with Tatsumi...and to some extent, Akio's bond; even if it failed, it was still a horrible thing to do.
"Sorry, Akio, and...Tatsumi."
My head scoped out the lonely scene in front of me.
My voice hitched at the sight of it all.
"Was having something to call your own - really that bad? I wonder what that's like...to have someone like that, not that I'd know much about it anyway."
Looking back, I have never really understood what love looks like, but what I do know is that those feelings I have are real; if I have to suppress them, that's fine. I just want to stand by them again...
"Like I did all those years ago."
From now on, no faking who I am! It's just like Tatsumi said, people will only like the fake me if I keep this up...and I'd hate that if he was right, I can't stand that smug look that's always plastered on his face. He always knew how to push my buttons; that's one part of him I didn't miss about him if I'm honest.
The thing is with us actors is that we are always playing a facade, both on and off screen. It's become like my 'normal' now. They used to tell us to do it because it's good for the paparazzi or something. Whatever the reason was, it was tiring being a child star; it must have been even worse for Tatsumi and Akio, given how popular they were back then.
My thoughts eventually steadied, and my voice did too.
"I might do something with this plain room. If I'm going to drop this facade, I need a whole new look."
I'd have the walls covered in a bunch of posters for my favourite shows, and the floor would have rugs of the same, it'd just scream Naomi Sakura.
No... the bigger issue here is what to do about Tatsumi, after all, I do want to eventually tell him how I feel... even if I know the answer will be no, I can't just keep these feelings bottled up in the dark depths of my heart - even if i need to suppress them, I at least want to tell him how I've been feeling. Not as 'Akio' but as Naomi.
--------------------
-Tatsumi
The next day had arrived, and Naomi's true self was about to make her debut.
What would she be like? Whatever it was, I just hoped she didn't embarrass herself and lose her confidence.
I think I can sort of relate to her, that stuff about wanting to be seen.
Back when I was in high school, I wasn't 'seen' just like her, always putting up a front; in fact, I was probably worse. Always turning my nose up at any slight interest anyone had in starting a conversation with me, I just hope she won't go down that path.
If she did, I'd have to reach out for her, and that'd be a real drag.
After all, it was Akio who pulled me out of that dark world, so I'd feel an obligation to help anyone who strayed too close to my path.
"Yo Kyo-kun, check it out! Is it just me, or is Naomi acting differently?"
My gaze met Naomi; her whole demeanor had changed. Whether that was a good or a bad thing was yet to be decided; I was just happy that she stopped acting for the sake of others.
No one's going to like her that way.
As soon as she saw me, she just rolled her eyes.
"Guess she's feeling better now, that's good."
Tsumigi froze.
"Uh, bro, how is she feeling better? She's obviously pissed at you for some reason. By now, she would've been all over you."
"What you're seeing right now is the real Naomi. Watch this."
As the words left my lips, I headed over to greet Naomi. It was usually her approaching me, but I thought I'd test if she actually changed or if she was actually just 'pissed.'
With every step I took, it felt like her rage grew; maybe she had actually changed.
"H-hey-"
"Yeah, hi, can you go? You're ruining the view."
I had positioned myself right in front of the window to get her attention, which was blocking her gaze from seeing the golden glow of the sun. It was obvious she had changed, and honestly? She was a lot better this way.
That Tatsu-kun stuff got obnoxious.
"Odd way of saying thank you."
Naomi's fists clenched.
"Thank you for what?"
"Nothing, nevermind."
If she wanted to feign innocence, that was fine by me. I'm just happy she's feeling better.
I turned, about to head back to my seat.
Naomi's voice became shaky; she clearly had something Important to say, asking me in front of all these people.
"---"
"Tatsumi, by the way, I need to talk to you about something after this. Wait for me, will ya?"
The whispers in the room became louder, typical gossip.
"What business does Sakura-san have with Kyoshiro-kun? Do you think it's a confession?"
These murmurs swept the room. If I were being honest, though, I was a bit intrigued myself.
What did she have to talk to me about? Probably going to chew me out again or something.
My voice steadied. I was honestly more comfortable around her when she was like this; she was at least speaking her mind, from what I could tell, if anything else, that was reassuring.
"Fine, I'll wait, but make it quick."
Whatever she had to tell me, it must've been important; she'd never ask me directly to talk before. I wonder what it could be about?...