"Ugh, that Idiot! How can he still not tell? After all this time trying to get through to him, I still can't!"
Naomi's hand raised, clearly about to release a flurry of steam, yet she stopped.
Her voice softened. It almost sounded desperate.
"When will he...realise?"
Something was clear: She was clearly being weighed down by something, but I couldn't quite make out what it was. My eyes drew their gaze to the keyhole in the door. I didn't want to interrupt her time of sorrow. If she did, she would probably rip me a new one.
And what did she mean by 'the real me'? If it were about stopping this game of lies, she had me playing, then I was all for it.
You could even say I was a bit relieved.
Unfortunately, I was in for a truly rude awakening.
I didn't know it yet - but that answer was waiting somewhere I couldn't reach.
---------
-At Naomi's house
The door slammed shut. My back was pressed against the wood. I was helpless. Why couldn't I be honest with him? After all these years, you'd think I'd have the guts to stand by him, but I can't.
She was always walking one step ahead.
It always annoyed me to see how infatuated they were when they were together. They would also be the centre of everyone's attention. No matter where they went, an endless sea of faces followed.
How do you think that made me feel?
They both left me trailing behind.
"Ugh, get a grip with yourself, Naomi. All of this over a boy?"
No matter how many times I'd repeat those words to myself, I'd always relapse back to the same state of mind.
I was such a coward.
My face began to turn red, and my voice started to hitch at my own stupidity.
"I'm so...damn stupid. I wish I could be more open about how I'm feeling, like she is..."
I dropped to my feet, exhausted from all the stress.
It was around the same time as 'The One Without You' came out that had been so highly regarded...that's where I first saw those two...
Akio and Tatsumi.
Those two shone like true diamonds in the rough. No matter where they went, wealth and fame followed suit; it was so annoying. Every time I'd audition for something and Tatsumi or Akio were also taking part, it was inevitable they'd book the role.
It was something all of us up-and-coming child actors just had to accept. They were the new face for us child stars after all, we were just 'the next best thing.'
Of course, we all aspired to be like the infamous duo, who didn't? No doubt I did too. But that admiration was the starting point of my facade.
With every painful thought that crossed my mind, the tears would increase.
"Tatsu...mi, Akio - how I long to be like you."
Those two always had this spark that the other just knew how to light, the only ones who didn't understand... were Akio and Tatsumi. I remember - I booked a role as this character for this sitcom titled 'The One Next To You', it was basically a spin-off movie for 'The One Without You' That showed Akio's rival in love. That was me.
"Looking back, that was when our real rivalry started, wasn't it?"
My eyes gazed up to the ceiling of my average-looking room. In fact, everything about it was average. The walls, colored yellow, with no decorations on them, and my grey carpet with no rug, and my futon that had a basic floral pattern dancing all over it. Everything about my life was average, and is average. An average person like me can't even fathom shining next to those diamonds.
Even on set, it felt like they were always ahead, and I was desperately trying to walk in their footsteps.
And where this crush started to bloom. I hated it.
These feelings that were boiling inside of me were a curse. I tried everything to make him look my way, yet he only ever looked at her.
I knew it was petty, but that's where my resentment for Akio grew. I started to question them, purely out of my own selfish desires. Things like: Why did he only look at her? and What is so special about her? raced through my mind day and night.
I thought if I copied her, he would look my way, Stupid, ain't I? The way Tatsumi looked when he was acting, the way he pulled you into his world when he took centre stage, it made me fall.
That's when the accident that would throw the acting world off its course happened.
My fist clenched, as my brows furrowed.
"Tatsumi, I wonder what you went through, how much it must've hurt, losing the one you love...over something that's out of your control."
After that, Akio's whole world was flipped upside down; it was as if she had finally seen how much Tatsumi shone in her eyes.
I had lost.
Akio visited the hospital day in and day out after that, until it wore her mental state down so much that, in the end, the entire project got cancelled. It was honestly the right call, seeing how Akio acted; her mind was elsewhere, it was with him.
Tatsumi had a stunt double step in for him. What a cruel world the industry was; to cast him aside so easily was truly sickening.
When I saw him again, I seriously thought it was my mind playing tricks on me. What sick joke must it been?
He was different from how I remembered, more timid and self-assertive. I thought if I reminded him of Akio, he might look my way. He definitely did, but it wasn't me he was looking at, it was 'Akio.'
My hand covered my sorrowful face as my voice steadied.
"Guess you two finally got the memo, huh?"
I was once again reminded I was just 'the next best thing.'