**Merry Christmas Guys Bonus Chapter Specially For Christmas**
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The red light of the summoning circle faded. The dust settled in the abandoned living room.
Maverick stared at the Servant he had just summoned.
She stood with her hands on her hips, chest puffed out in pride. She looked remarkably like Artoria—the blonde bun, the green eyes, the regal face. But the vibe was wrong. Artoria was a stoic knight who buttoned her shirts to the chin. This girl was wearing a translucent red dress that defied physics and modesty in equal measure.
"Are you..." Maverick squinted, leaning closer to the camera. "Are you Artoria?"
The girl's confident smile instantly vanished. She stomped her foot.
"Artoria? Who is that?" she demanded, her voice ringing with offended majesty. "My Master, it is incredibly rude to confuse me with someone else! Open your eyes!"
She struck a pose, highlighting her figure.
"My True Name is Nero Claudius Caesar Augustus Germanicus! I am the Fifth Emperor of Rome! The Rose of Olympia!"
[Chat]:[Lore_Master]: NERO?! THE TYRANT?!
[Comparison]: Wait... look at the... assets.
[Simp_Nation]: SHE'S HUGE! Artoria has been defeated in the chest department! This is a massive buff!
[Flat_Justice]: Traitors! Flat is justice! But... okay, she's kinda hot.
[Gender_Swap]: Nero was a dude in history. Why is he a girl?
[History_Buff]: Fate logic. Don't question it. Just enjoy the Umu.
[Leeuwenhoek]: Actually, if you zoom in 400%, her eyes are light green. Artoria's are teal. Totally different.
"Sorry," Maverick apologized, raising his hands. "My mistake. You just look very similar to an old friend of mine."
Nero preened, her mood instantly recovering. "Umu! I accept your apology! But if there is someone who looks like me, she must be a beautiful person indeed! Though, naturally, she must be slightly less beautiful than me. I am the only flower in the world!"
She looked around the dusty, abandoned house with disdain.
"Now then! The Holy Grail! It belongs to me, obviously. Only a golden cup is worthy of my magnificence. But Master... before we conquer this city..."
Maverick straightened up, checking his Glock. "Right. Strategy. Do we hunt the other Servants? Set traps?"
Nero shook her head solemnly.
"No! Fighting is barbaric! There is something far more urgent!"
She pointed a gloved finger at him.
"WE MUST TAKE A BATH!"
Maverick blinked. "A... bath?"
"Umu!" Nero nodded vigorously. "I have heard of the modern Japanese bathhouse culture! It is the pinnacle of civilization! As the Emperor, I must inspect it immediately! My genius requires hot water to function! And my skin feels dusty from the summon!"
[Chat]:[LUL]: PRIORITIES.
[Bath_Time]: YES! FANSERVICE EPISODE!
[Pervert]: Maverick, go with her! It's a co-ed bath! Trust me!
[Coward]: He won't do it. Maverick is a coward.
[Unfollow]: If he doesn't peek, I'm unsubscribing.
Maverick felt the pressure of millions of viewers urging him to commit a TOS violation.
"Uh, Saber," Maverick stammered. "We're in a war zone. Maybe we should focus on survival?"
"Nonsense!" Nero declared, grabbing his arm. "A dirty Emperor is a sad Emperor! Come, Master! I saw a public bathhouse on the map! I shall allow you the honor of scrubbing my back!"
"Scrub your back?!" Maverick choked.
He looked at the chat. It was a wall of "DO IT."
"I... uh... I'm streaming," Maverick whispered to Nero (and the chat). "I can't... show that. I'll get banned."
Nero tilted her head. "Streaming? Is that some form of theater? Excellent! Let the world witness my bathing glory!"
"NO!" Maverick yelled. "Absolutely not! We are going to separate baths! Men's side and women's side! That is my order as Master!"
Nero pouted. "Boring. You moderns are so prudish. But very well. I shall respect the local customs. For now."
They headed to the local Fuyuki Public Bathhouse.
Max (the developer) had indeed included a fully functional bathhouse in the game for "immersion." But he was also a developer who didn't want his game banned in the Dragon Kingdom. So, there were safeguards.
The Fog of War: Steam in the bathhouse was conveniently thick, obscuring any sensitive bits.
Gender Lock: Male avatars physically could not enter the female bath. An invisible wall would stop them with the message: [PERVERT BLOCKER ACTIVATED].
Maverick entered the men's side. He stripped down (his character model retained a towel because Max wasn't crazy) and sank into the hot water.
"Oh man," Maverick sighed, feeling the virtual heat soak into his bones. "This tech is incredible. I can actually feel the warmth. It's like I'm really there."
It was relaxing. Too relaxing. After the stress of the last match, Maverick felt himself drifting off. The water was perfect.
Splash.
He heard water splashing from the women's side, separated by a thin wooden wall.
"Master!" Nero's voice called out, echoing in the tiled room. "This water is exquisite! It is like liquid silk! Are you enjoying yourself?"
"Yeah," Maverick called back, eyes closed. "It's great."
"Good! Now, to enhance the mood... I shall sing!"
Maverick's eyes snapped open. "Wait. Sing?"
"Umu! The acoustics in here are perfect!"
Before Maverick could stop her, Nero took a deep breath.
And then, the nightmare began.
It wasn't a song. It was a sonic weapon. It was a discordant, off-key screech that defied the laws of music theory. It sounded like a bagpipe being strangled.
"HASHIRE SORI YO!"
The walls shook. The water rippled violently. A bar of soap fell off the shelf.
"KAZE NO YOU NI!"
Maverick clutched his ears, sinking underwater to escape the noise. "MY EARS! MAKE IT STOP!"
"TSUKIMIHARA WO!"
[Chat]:[RIP_Headphone_Users]: AHHHHHHHH!
[Ear_Bleed]: WHY IS SHE SO BAD AT SINGING?!
[Lore_Accurate]: Nero's singing is canonically terrible! It's a Noble Phantasm! It causes mental damage!
[Mute]: I MUTED THE STREAM BUT I CAN STILL HEAR IT IN MY SOUL!
"PADORU PADORU!"
The final note hit like a physical blow. A tile fell off the wall and shattered on the floor.
Maverick surfaced, gasping for air. "Is... is it over?"
"Master!" Nero called out cheerfully from the other side. "Did you enjoy my serenade? Should I do an encore? I know a song about burning things!"
"NO!" Maverick screamed. "No encore! We're leaving! Right now! Before the building collapses!"
He scrambled out of the bath, wrapping his towel around himself.
"We have to go," Maverick wheezed. "Before she kills everyone with a Christmas carol in July."
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