Chapter 19
I looked around the penthouse drinking in everything on sight.
Sayiel had invited me over to his apartment, I didn't know it was a penthouse, he said he wants to get to know me better and I appreciate that more than anything because no one ever seems to want to know anything about me.
I'm only the one asking about others. Lust never even asked me anything personal, it's as if he never had the intention of being with me from the beginning.
The penthouse was furnished very nicely, everything seems to be yellow or have shades of yellows which made me think his favourite colour is probably yellow, no judgement there.
"Is it nice?". Sayiel said coming down from the glass staircase and into the living room.
I smiled warmly,"The view is nice". My back to the triangle shaped glass panels overlooking the snow filled city.
He chuckled goodnaturedly,"Your back is facing the view, Ashton".
I smirked,"Maybe not".
We held eye contact for a while before I looked away, he's looking really good.
His dark blue hair swaying and his eyes shimmering, tan skin glowing softly without the sun.
I've always been in awe of his tan skin, there's no sun so how did he get that much tan?
"How're you?". He asked, sitting himself down opposite me, enjoying the views, if you know what I mean.
I raised an eyebrow,"I'm fine?".
He smiled,"I meant, how are you handling things, with the rumours and all".
Oh, no one ever asked me that,"I'm handling it pretty well, I have you guys to thank for that".
It's not a lie though, they've been stuck with me throughout this past week, keeping me company and eliminating every feeling of loneliness.
I'm pretty sure Alastor beat up a couple of guys because they had approached us and had asked me what it felt like being disowned by my own family. I had replied that it feels nice and they can try it and see how long they'll last before crawling back, begging.
It was nice to be defended, especially by someone like Alastor, someone who never speaks much, his actions do the talking.
"It was nothing. Never hesitate to seek us out for help, we'll gladly render it when needed". He assured me and I nodded with a satisfied smile.
The following hours passed by in a blur and I found myself sitting so close to him, our thighs rubbing, our shoulders in contact while I spoke animatedly about something that had happened in my childhood.
I made to pull away when I noticed our closeness but his hand on my thigh stopped me.
He smiled at me,"You don't have to pull away, unless… Does it bother you?".
I shook my head, no, tongue tied and that made his smile widen, he leaned even closer,"Don't worry, we will take it one step at a time but just have it in mind that I like you and I would like us to be more than friends and like I said, no pressure, take your wonderful time, just… don't keep me waiting".
I didn't know what to say. I was positively overwhelmed and it made me realise what being at this end of the conversation feels like.
Even though he had said no pressure, his interest in me is a significant pressure on its own.
Is this how Lust felt?
I want to be more than friends too but I don't know why I'm still hesitating.
Is it because I still have feelings for Lust?
But Sayiel has said that Lust travelled and won't be coming back which means we will never see each other again, that possibility isn't something I'm okay with but it's not like I have any choice.
If he had considered me even a friend, he would have let me know about it, instead of just disappearing like that, the same way he had appeared in my life.
"You don't need to think too much, everything will happen in its due time". He whispered, his hand on my thighs squeezing lightly.
I hummed in acknowledgement.
He saw me to the door and waved me goodbye,"Don't keep me waiting, Ashton". He leaned against the door watching me as I made my way out of his home.
I took a deep breath once I was out in the snowy city.
He had said he liked me but had he meant it? He must have known what transpired between his brother and I and yet he had still confessed to me without minding the past relationship that I had with Lust.
Does that mean he's sincere or not? I don't know.
What about me? I want to be with him but is it because he's Lust's brother?Saviel and Satiel had been Lust brothers too but I hadn't taken any interest in them, so does that mean I'm sincere?
Do I want to date him because he's the only available person that showed interest in me? Or do I just want to use him to get over Samiel?
All the way to my dorm and even deep through the night I couldn't sleep, my thoughts wholly occupied with questions I have no answer, nor anyone to confide in.
I woke up with eye bags which was expected since I barely had any sleep last night. Emotionally, I felt drained, physically, I felt like a zombie, the outcasts of Starise which I probably am right now.
I wanted to skip school but I don't want Sayiel thinking it was because of him, I know I will think so,if it was me.
Technically speaking, he's the reason I'm overthinking everything.
'If not for your obsession over Lust, things wouldn't have been so complicated'. My conscience nagged me and I had no choice but to agree especially since it's the truth anyway.
I didn't see Sayiel and Alastor when I walked into the school gate which was strange, they always waited for me.
Alastor said it's so that no asshole will dare harass me.
Maybe Sayiel is trying to give me space to think and sort out my emotions.
During lunch time, I hadn't seen them. They are always waiting in front of the lecture room to pick me up and we'll head over to the cafeteria together.
Maybe he's lost interest?
No, well it's understandable, they probably didn't know about my last class before lunch. I assured myself not to overthink it.
I stepped into the cafeteria, the whispers aren't that loud anymore but people still talk making me very conscious of myself.
I froze in shock when I heard a familiar chuckle, the sound calming and arousing at the same time. The kind of laughter that lingers even after the echo has died down.
My eyes wandered around seeking him and when it found him, my heart stopped at the sight, he snapped his head up when he felt my gaze on him and our eyes connected. The rhythm of my heart erratic, my whole body came to life and the surroundings blurred.
It was just the two of us now. Standing farther away from each other.
My lips moved but I couldn't utter a word.
He smiled, blinking softly as if the mere sight of me was wrecking his very soul, my heart responded rapidly with loud, fast thuds and it was all too much for me.
I turned around and bolted, I can't do this anymore.
How could he?
Why does he keep doing this to me every time?
And why can't I stop…
Stop…
Stop Loving Him?