Chapter 23
After that strange conversation with a woman I didn't even know a few days ago, my mind hasn't been at rest.
I couldn't stop thinking of how true her words were.
So this is all there is to it and here I was thinking it's something special, Lust must have known, which might have been why he never took me seriously whenever I told him I liked him.
He had made it clear that he's only lusting after me but my naive self thought I was in love.
But then why had it hurt so badly when he rejected me, was it my ego acting up? But it had genuinely felt like my heart was physically broken, and even the pieces were scattered on shattered glass shards.
Well I guess there's only one way to find out if the woman was just bluffing.
The thought alone filled me with excitement but before that, we need to talk, just the two of us.
It's lunch time and there's still no sign of him anywhere in the school premises which was starting to make me anxious.
What if he had disappeared again? Why would he? Except if he knows of my plan. I don't know who might've warned me but the same person could have warned him too. Did he run away because he doesn't want me anymore? Has he found someone else? It is not impossible, he oozes so much sex appeal that anyone would want him and also, instead of Wrath I have seen him with two different women since he came back.
Did he realise he was straight while with me? Or is he pretending like I had done? Or maybe he heard I had a girlfriend and decided to get not one but two just to get back at me? That sounds petty, especially since he's the one that rejected me and I know him well enough to know that he's anything but petty.
So what's the problem? Where is he?
"Ashton¡".
I snapped my head up, surprised at the loud voice but I relaxed when I realised that it was Sayiel trying to get my attention.
Since Lust's return, this is the first time I'm having lunch with him again and that made me feel guilty. I hope he doesn't think I'm ghosting him, I just need more time. I genuinely like him but I need to get my feelings for Samiel under control before anything could be possible between me and his brother.
"I've been calling you for a while now. What's wrong?". He stressed, his lips curved downwards in a sad frown.
I felt even more guilty immediately. We haven't seen each other for a while, yet, I couldn't even give him my undivided attention. My mind on someone that is not here.
"Nothing's wrong, I'm fine, just a bit distracted". I assured him and watched as his frown deepened.
Was that the wrong thing to say? I probably should've omitted the distraction part.
"I get it. You're looking for my brother right?".
I gasped at being caught but quickly composed myself before mustering a smile that probably looked too fake,"No!".
I realised too late that I sounded too defensive and that seemed like a dead giveaway.
He smiled, though it didn't reach his eyes,"You don't have to deny it, I understand that you still have feelings for him".
I opened my mouth to refute him but I was unable to get the words out.
I don't have feelings for him!
I don't have feelings for him!!
I don't have feelings for him!!!
I chanted the words repeatedly but they couldn't leave my mouth and I deduced that it's because I've never denied my feelings for him.
I've always been upfront about it.
Things have to change and that change must happen today.
So after making up my mind I decided to come clean,"I don't have feelings for him, I don't think so, I mean I'm not sure, argh, I don't know".
He grinned, his eyes shining and that was when I realised that his eye colour is yellow now instead of the dark blue that I've known him for. The yellow looks beautiful, even more striking and unique with its cat slits but I knew they were not his natural eye colour, there's just no way anyone will have an eye of that colour.
"Don't worry too much about it. If you like him, you like him,if you don't, you don't. There's no inbetween, it's as simple as that. Being confused is natural since I heard it's a first for you. To sort out the confusion, you just need to talk to him about what you're feeling, and observe your own body's reaction to his presence. Observe the way he reacts to your proximity, it's a first for him too. I know my brother enough to know that what he feels for you is not something ordinary, it's more than mere obsession and don't forget to listen to your heart, it should be the one to decide what or who it wants to beat for".
I was pleasantly surprised to say the least. I didn't think he would be so supportive to even ask me to give my feelings a chance to bloom.
I thought he was going to blow up on me, accuse me of leading him on, or worse take it up a notch by making it physical.
But I seem to have forgotten that he's a real gentleman. Though he's always too sure of himself, he's a nice fellow. That was surely one of the things that had drawn me to him and somewhere in the back of my mind I wished I had met him first or that I don't have any feelings for Samiel, that way I'd be with him.
"I would like to talk to him but I haven't seen him since morning". I whispered, head low in embarrassment but he only chuckled.
He didn't respond for a while, so I raised my head up and heard him sigh before whispering, almost to himself,"What will be, will be, I can't do anything about it".
I was confused but I didn't ask him what he meant because I knew he wasn't talking to me.
"He's at home". He finally said.
I raised an eyebrow,"Doing what?".
Sayiel smirked and I caught the mischief that shone in his striking eyes,"You will have to go and find out".