Humans Can't—At Least They Shouldn't!
Humans Can—At Least They Should Try!
Outside Mondstadt
Glug—
Glug—
Glug—
Venti tilted his head back and drank straight from the wine gourd.
At this moment, nothing else existed in his eyes—
only the alcohol before him.
Under such reckless chugging, it didn't take long for the entire gourd to be emptied.
"Hic~"
"What a drink!"
Venti let out a deeply satisfied burp.
Never in his life had he tasted alcohol this good—
and this strong.
Before he could savor it properly, his condition suddenly changed.
His face flushed red.
His head started spinning.
His steps became unstable, his body swaying lightly.
Clearly—
He was drunk. Completely.
Venti shook his head and squinted at Dvalin beside him.
After staring for a long moment, he blinked in confusion.
"Eh?"
"W-Why are there t-two D-Dvalins…?"
"D-Don't tell me y-you have a b-brother… or an o-older sibling…?"
"W-Wait—!"
"Why are y-you spinning? D-Don't spin… I-I'm dizzy…"
Dvalin stared at him in silence.
That fast?
What about "professional drinker"?
What about "won't get drunk"?
This slap came way too quickly.
Transcendent Chat Group
Barbara:
He's drunk already? Lord Barbatos' alcohol tolerance is… surprisingly low…
Paimon:
The bard's tolerance isn't low! He's a veteran drunkard!
It's definitely the enhanced vodka!
Lumine:
I thought it'd take a while—but it kicked in instantly. Terrifying.
Alice:
As expected of enhanced vodka~
Diluc:
That drink must be incredibly strong. A shame it's gone—I'd like to study it.
Diona:
Hmph! Drinking something that strong—this is how public humiliation happens! (tsundere.jpg)
Kaeya:
If it's good booze, one public humiliation is worth it.
Neuvillette:
Indeed. Fine water—or drink—is worth a price.
Furina:
Enough talk. Watch Venti closely.
After this, see if you still sound so calm.
Outside Mondstadt
Seeing Dvalin still silent, Venti shook his head again.
With bleary eyes, he glanced around.
"Huh?"
"H-How did we get h-here…?"
"We c-came to…"
Dvalin was about to explain they came to help Stanley the Adventurer—
but stopped.
Looking at Barbatos' current state, he clearly wasn't capable of doing anything serious.
This looked exactly like the light-screen's "not doing proper work" version of him.
Remembering how badly he had been beaten earlier, Dvalin's eyes narrowed.
A mischievous idea formed.
"Ahem. Barbatos," Dvalin said slowly.
"About that catgirl idea the Traveler suggested earlier~"
"You thought it made sense, so you wanted to find a secluded place with cats to try it."
"This spot's perfect—no people around."
"How about you give it a go?"
Transcendent Chat Group
Lumine:
??? Did I hear that right?! (shocked.jpg)
Paimon:
You heard right! The bard took your advice seriously—he just wanted to secretly turn into a catgirl! (doge.jpg)
Alice:
Who was it that swore they'd NEVER become a catgirl?
Kaeya:
That was Drunk Venti. What does Lord Barbatos have to do with it? (serious.jpg)
Zhongli:
By common logic, this is perfectly reasonable.
Ei:
A habitual scammer endorsed by the light-screen—of course nothing he says is reliable.
Nahida:
If he wanted to do it privately… is livestreaming really appropriate?
Furina:
Heh, didn't expect even Dvalin to have a mischievous side~
Dvalin:
...
Dvalin:
Just tell me—do you want to see it or not?
Dvalin:
If not, I'll take Barbatos and leave…
Lumine:
Don't! We want to see it! (excited.jpg)
Paimon:
Yeah yeah! So excited~
Yae Miko:
(eating popcorn.jpg)
This wasn't even a question.
A real-time not-so-serious moment.
A Wind Archon turning into a cat.
Miss this—and regret it for life.
So of course—
They had to watch.
Outside Goth Grand Hotel
Jean and Lisa arrived too late.
Empty-handed.
Jean was already annoyed—
and then she saw the light-screen.
"…How did it come to this?"
She sighed deeply.
First Barbatos messed around with Dvalin.
Now Dvalin was taking revenge—on stream.
Jean felt exhausted to her core.
"How did Lady Vennessa handle this back then…?"
"Well, that's why they're a god and his familiar," Lisa smiled lazily.
"A perfect match~"
Jean sighed again.
"Lisa, since Signora has already escaped, let's put that aside."
"We need to go to the city gates."
"Otherwise the citizens will rush out to watch."
"Alright~"
Outside Mondstadt
"Turn into a catgirl…?"
Venti tilted his head, trying to remember.
He vaguely recalled something like that—
but something felt off.
Unfortunately, the alcohol had his brain wrapped in fog.
"I can't remember…"
"Yes~" Dvalin continued coaxing.
"Fight magic with magic!"
"As the Executor said—if you become one of them, you won't fear cats anymore!"
It sounded exactly like Venti's usual scammer talk.
In the end—
Dvalin had truly become Venti.
And just like how Qiqi fears Hu Tao despite her memory—
even drunk, Venti still feared cats.
So when he heard he could stop fearing them, his eyes lit up.
"Alright!"
"T-Then I'll s-show you a catgirl performance!"
"A-After this… I w-won't fear c-cats anymore~"
With that, he began.
Divine power couldn't sober him up—
but shapeshifting was no problem.
Flash—
White light burst forth.
When it faded—
Venti stood there transformed.
Furry cat ears atop his head.
Human hands and feet replaced by soft paws.
A long cat tail swaying behind him.
Combined with his youthful, androgynous face and flushed, drunken expression—
He was undeniably—
A catgirl.
Dvalin's eyes went wide.
This… was Barbatos?
This irresponsible bard?
…Why was he so cute?!
Mondstadt Public Chat
Harry:
This… this is Lord Barbatos?! (shocked.jpg)
Ellin:
Correction—Catgirl Barbatos!
Swan:
T-Too cute! I want to pet him! (aws1.jpg)
Sister Victoria:
Show respect to Lord Barbatos!
Hoffman:
Sister, just answer—do you want to pet him or not?
Sister Victoria:
Ahem… well…
Lawrence:
Lord Barbatos forgive me—I have a bold idea!
Wood:
Humans can't. At least they shouldn't.
Ying'er:
Ehe~ Humans can. At least they should try~
Teppei:
Land of Freedom—everything is possible. (serious.jpg)
Dunyarzad:
So… what exactly is the bold idea?
Transcendent Chat Group
Alice:
So this is Catgirl Venti? (shocked.jpg)
Lumine:
Ehe~ Gotta change how we address him now—he's "Wendy"!
Paimon:
Not gonna lie… Wendy is kinda cute~
Chongyun:
This is strange. He's clearly a guy, but… feels feminine?
Hu Tao:
Second Miss Feiyun Commerce says she's furious!
Xingqiu:
...
I am a boy.
Yae Miko:
Very nice. Truly inspiring. Maybe I'll try this on someone next time~
Gorou shuddered.
"…She's not thinking about me, right?"
Decision made.
Avoid Inazuma City at all costs.
Outside Mondstadt
Dvalin saved the footage.
Looking at the recording, it let out a smug chuckle.
Venti, still dizzy, looked up hazily.
"T-Terval… can I do it now…?"
"A-Am I… not afraid of c-cats anymore…?"
Dvalin hesitated.
There were no cats nearby.
Just as it was about to suggest finding one—
Boom—boom—boom—
Heavy footsteps thundered from Mondstadt's direction.
Both froze.
They looked over.
And instantly went silent.
A massive crowd surged out of the city.
Faces excited.
Eyes blazing.
"Lord Barbatos—I'm here!"
"Barbatos! I'm your believer!"
"You're so cute—can I pet you?!"
"My house has rooms and wine—come stay with me!"
Dvalin swallowed.
This… escalated badly.
"We're leaving. NOW."
Dvalin grabbed Venti.
"Y-Yeah…"
They took off immediately.
Leaving the still-charging crowd behind.
On the city wall, Lisa sighed.
"Jean… you were right."
Jean finally relaxed.
"Thank the winds Dvalin took him away."
"This would've been a disaster."
She understood.
Mondstadt's faith in Barbatos was fanatical.
And now—
a catgirl Wind Archon?
Chaos was inevitable.
As Dvalin flew away, the light-screen finally dimmed.
The final scene stunned everyone.
Lumine:
That looked less like worship and more like a zombie outbreak…
Navia:
Zombie outbreak?
Alice:
Just imagine people being extremely, uncontrollably obsessed.
Ayaka:
Just watching is scary—being there would be terrifying.
Paimon:
Hehe~ otherwise he'd be bullied by his own believers~
Lumine:
Wonder how the Wind God will react when he sobers up.
Zhongli:
If I were him, I'd trap Dvalin with stone pillars and make him a dragon-girl.
Ei:
If I were him, I'd cut him.
Nahida:
Violence isn't good. If I were Barbatos…
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