Paimon: "What Executor? I Can Slap Him Flying with One Hand!"
Listening to the nonstop chatter beside her, and looking at Ei's clear, innocent, yet painfully curious eyes—
the fox woman felt utterly helpless.
Archons above…
Could someone please take this silly god away already?
Transcendent Chat Group
Navia:
So it was fake after all…
Arataki Itto:
Tch, I almost believed it. That fox really is scum to the core.
Kuki Shinobu:(facepalm.jpg)
Xiangling:
Ahem… I actually believed it too.
Charlotte:
Can't be helped. Everyone in Inazuma was going all-in on the act~
Lumine:
Clearly learned from a certain master swindler~ Good thing the Raiden Shogun doesn't look too bright. (evil smile.jpg)
Venti:
Ehe~
Alice:
The scary-faced Shogun may kill fast, but she's pretty dense~ (evil smile.jpg)
Ei:
...
Nilou:
Ahem… but speaking of which, what does that "classified archive" actually refer to? Could it be the Khaenri'ah incident from five hundred years ago?
Nahida:
It might also be something from the Archon War~
Neuvillette:
Perhaps even older—something related to Celestia.
Zhongli:
Ahem. Let's not overthink it.
Venti:
Ahem, agreed! Watch the video, watch the video~
After the brief chaos, everyone refocused on the light-screen.
After all—
the video was the real main event.
Light-Screen
"Welcome, Yae—Doctor."
"How are things?"
"Last month…"
"..."
The footage began with Yae Miko and Kujou Sara discovering a massive underground cavern.
Judging by the enormous quantity of food remains inside, they deduced—
something huge had been living there.
Something unknown.
The scene then shifted to an Inazuman defense base.
Yae entered with her secretary.
"Where is Doctor Lumine?"
"She's fishing by the river."
"…So relaxed. Perhaps the incident from three years ago is about to repeat itself."
After a brief sigh, Yae went on to meet Doctor Kamisato.
Once she learned about the recent abnormalities in ocean currents and wind patterns around Inazuma, her expression grew serious.
Transcendent Chat Group
Lumine:
Doctor Lumine? Heh, not bad. Very fitting for my title!
Collei:
Doctor? Isn't that one of the Fatui Harbingers?
Alice:
This "doctor" is different. In the light-screen's world, it refers to a highly knowledgeable scholar from another dimension. Very impressive.
Yae Miko:
I see~ "Doctor Yae" sounds like a nice setting. Might add it to a light novel later.
Ayato:
Ahem. "Doctor Kamisato"… not bad indeed.
Ayaka:
...
Furina:
Hey, hey! Aren't you missing the point? Inazuma has a gigantic monster!
Venti:
Ehe~ Giant creature plus the title? It has to be Dvalin!
Hu Tao:
Got it! The "classified archive" is Dvalin attacking Inazuma three years ago—and now he's back! (realization.jpg)
Nahida:
First Barbatos caused chaos, then Dvalin attacked… Inazuma really has it rough.
Inazumans:
...
Dvalin:
...
Light-Screen
The footage shifted to a flashback from three years earlier.
"Warning!"
"Warning!"
"Warning!"
"Unknown biological activity detected in the sea! Energy levels rising rapidly!"
"Source identified—target about to surface!"
And then—
A gigantic Paimon, raising her right hand and wearing an expression of supreme wisdom, burst out of the ocean.
Jade Chamber
Paimon had been wondering when she would finally appear.
She hadn't expected—
this.
"W-What the—?!"
"What kind of monster is that?!"
She stared at the massive, round, utterly ridiculous version of herself.
Her brain stalled completely.
Nearby, Lumine, Keqing, and the others were equally stunned.
"So… the monster wasn't Dvalin."
"It was Paimon."
"No—giant Paimon."
Keqing glanced at the enormous Paimon on screen, then at the tiny floating one beside her.
Speechless.
Who could have guessed this?
This "unserious evaluation" was truly unserious.
Then again—
considering what she herself had endured on the light-screen…
Yeah.
Standard procedure.
At that moment, Ganyu spoke thoughtfully.
"So… Paimon attacked Inazuma, and then Dvalin came to stop her?"
"And then they fought?"
"If it's that Paimon, the outcome wouldn't be so clear."
Paimon snapped out of it instantly.
Her eyes lit up.
Right!
Sure, giant Paimon ruined her image—
but she was huge!
That had to mean incredible combat power!
Even if she couldn't beat Dvalin, she wouldn't get stomped!
Could it be—
her earlier prayer worked?!
Paimon immediately puffed up, shooting Lumine a smug look.
Lumine stared back, unimpressed.
Even if you don't get stomped—
you're still the one being humiliated.
What are you proud of?
Transcendent Chat Group
Klee:
Wow! Big—Paimon! (shocked.jpg)
Lumine:
No, that's a supersized emergency food! (doge.jpg)
Dvalin:
See?! Not my fault! Paimon attacked Inazuma! (arms crossed.jpg)
Hu Tao:
Huh? So I guessed wrong?
Venti:
Hey now~ I told you! Dvalin is such a proper dragon—how could he be the culprit? I always believed in him! (serious.jpg)
Dvalin:
You were laughing the hardest earlier!
Navia:
Still… never expected it to be Paimon.
Yae Miko:
Well, anyone close to the Executor tends to cause disasters wherever they go. (shrug.jpg)
Furina:
Destruction of Inazuman property—death sentence!
Paimon:
...
Light-Screen
"Activate highest combat readiness!"
"All civilians evacuate immediately!"
Kujou Sara began evacuations while organizing fire support.
"Fire!"
"Open fire!"
Boom—!
Boom—!
Yoimiya unleashed Gatling fire.
Rat-tat-tat-tat-tat!
Kokomi led troops in a barrage of arrows.
But the giant Paimon's hide was unbelievably tough.
No effect.
As the monster advanced toward Narukami Island, Ei finally acted.
Slash—!
The milk-scented blade descended, lightning tearing the sky apart.
A massive explosion followed.
Smoke billowed.
Stylish.
But—
still ineffective.
Transcendent Chat Group
Kujou Sara:
Impossible! The Shogun's Musou no Hitotachi is invincible!
Kokomi:
Indeed. It can cleave islands in half!
Barbara:
Then this giant Paimon's defense must be terrifying…
Paimon:
Wahahaha! I'm amazing!
At first, Paimon had been confused about why the light-screen was targeting her.
But now—
she was satisfied.
Not getting stomped by Dvalin was already a win.
Blocking the Shogun's slash?
Her ego skyrocketed.
In the original future, she and Lumine almost died to that attack.
Here?
Not a scratch!
Paimon swelled with pride.
Hmph!
If she'd lived during the Archon War, she'd definitely have been a god.
As for the Executor?
She could slap him flying with one hand!
Wahahahaha!
Furina:
Heh! That's because their firepower was weak. If Navia fired her cannon, this would've been over!
Wriothesley:
True. That cannon even blasted our Hydro Sovereign~
Neuvillette:
...
Navia:
...
Paimon:
Impossible! My defense is absolute!
Lumine:
That's giant Paimon, not you. (doge.jpg)
Paimon:
What giant or not—both are me!
Dvalin:
Doesn't matter. I'll handle it. (confident.jpg)
Venti:
Ehe~ You think you can tank Musou no Hitotachi?
Neuvillette:
I've never tried, but I could probably catch it. Remaining unharmed might be difficult.
Dvalin:
...
Uh oh.
This was going in a very bad direction.
Originally, Dvalin thought he would be doing the beating.
But now—
it looked like he might be the one getting beaten.
If that happened…
Would he get kicked out of the dragon registry?
Light-Screen
As panic spread through Inazuma, Doctor Lumine finally stepped in.
Under her coordination, Mondstadt, Liyue, and Inazuma formed an alliance.
She explained calmly:
"Based on our research, this Paimon loves food."
"Her target is Inazuma City's food district."
"So we can lure her back to the sea."
"And then deploy a high-altitude, high-power weapon."
"As for the weapon…"
She, Yae, and Jean all turned—
toward Ningguang.
Ningguang froze.
"No! Absolutely not!"
"I refuse!"
"My Jade Chamber—noooo—!"
She rolled on the floor screaming before being dragged away.
The plan succeeded.
The Jade Chamber sealed Paimon beneath the sea.
But—
Liyue blacklisted Inazuma.
A report appeared.
[Liyue Official Report]
"Jade Chamber Launch Experiment No. 66 was a complete success.
As a precaution, before Jade Chamber No. 66 exits Teyvat, Inazuma is temporarily placed on the blacklist."
Jade Chamber
"…Huh?"
"I—I was sealed just like that?"
Paimon stared blankly.
She turned slowly toward Lumine.
"It's all your fault…"
"Bullying me in reality wasn't enough—now you do it in the light-screen too."
Lumine grinned.
"First, that was to light-screen me."
"Second, justice always defeats evil."
"Third—who told you to be greedy?"
She shrugged smugly.
Paimon trembled.
"You—you—you—!"
But… she couldn't argue.
Because she was a glutton.
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