That Scheming Fox: "Shogunate Top-Secret Files… Looks Like What Happened That Year in Inazuma Can't Be Hidden Anymore~"
Venti was born a creature of chaos.
Free-spirited, carefree, and utterly shameless.
The only thing in this world that truly gave him a headache—
were cats.
Just as the light-screen had said, the moment a cat appeared near him—
or even if he merely thought about cats—
his nose would start acting up immediately.
Ah-choo!
And the worst part?
Mondstadt's cats loved him.
So much so that Venti had long since developed the survival instinct of actively avoiding them.
The situation was so serious that even a wine addict like him had never once dared step into Cat's Tail Tavern.
Why?
Because there were cats.
Which meant that up till now, Venti had never tasted a single drop of Diona's cocktails.
A lifelong regret.
And now—
the Traveler claimed she had a solution?!
That alone made Venti's expectations soar.
Transcendent Chat Group
Venti:
Quick, explain in detail~ (excited.jpg)
Lumine:
Hehe. Simple—fight poison with poison. Or, if you can't beat them, join them!
Lumine:
If you just become a cat yourself—like, say, a cat-eared girl—wouldn't you stop being afraid of cats? (shrug.jpg)
Paimon:Hiss—
Diona:Hiss—
Keqing:Hiss—
Lynette:Hiss—
Kirara:Hiss—
The chat group collectively sucked in a breath of cold air.
They had been expecting…
somewhat of a serious solution.
At least something normal.
And yet—
She wanted the Wind God to turn into a cat-eared girl?!
Terrifying.
Absolutely terrifying.
Was this really something a normal brain could come up with?
No wonder.
They had underestimated the Traveler.
The Executor truly was scum.
The light-screen never lied.
That said—
shock aside—
this was way too entertaining not to join in.
Zhongli:
At first glance, the Executor's theory seems absurd. However, by common logic… it does appear feasible.
Nahida:
Indeed. If I become one of you, then naturally I won't sneeze anymore. (serious.jpg)
Cloud Retainer:
That logic checks out. Ganyu was afraid of people when she was young—after taking human form, she improved significantly.
Ganyu:...
Neuvillette:
Well-reasoned and supported by precedent. The proposal seems viable.
Yae Miko:
Oh my~ If that's the case, then Inazuma must lend a hand. After all, we have the most professional nekomata~
Ei:
Agreed. With Kirara's help, Barbatos will surely become a proper member of the cat community.
Ayaka:
Ahem… I can provide a "teleport door."
Kirara:(trembling.jpg)
Kaeya:
Ahem. Mondstadt has candidates as well.
Diona:
I am NOT a cat! Not a cat! Damn adults!
Keqing:
Liyue has no cats! (serious face.jpg)
Lyney:
Fontaine doesn't either! (serious face.jpg)
Lynette:...
Above Mondstadt
"Become… a cat…"
"A cat-eared girl…"
Venti felt his soul leave his body.
Good grief, Executor.
I trusted you!
Believed in you!
And this is the idea you give me?!
Turning a dignified Wind God into a cat-eared girl—
Is this something a friend would suggest?!
And you lot too!
Watching the spectacle is one thing—
but actively trying to send cats after me?!
Friend.
Are you trying to kill me?
Just as Venti was spiraling, Dvalin burst out laughing.
"Hahahaha! Barbatos, that's actually not a bad idea~"
"Don't worry about how weird it sounds."
"Just tell me—does it make sense or not?"
Venti: "..."
Cough.
It did make sense.
At least a little.
He just had no idea whether it would actually work.
After all, he'd never tried it before.
But this was a matter of dignity.
Was it really something he could just… casually do?
He was still a god, you know.
Didn't he need some face?
Transcendent Chat Group
Venti:
Traveler, do you have any other methods? This one's too unserious!
Lumine:
What's wrong with it? Just tell me—could it work or not?
Paimon:
Hey, tone-deaf bard, you were never a serious person to begin with! (doge.jpg)
Yae Miko:
Indeed~ What kind of "serious person" sails across the sea just to steal dogs in Inazuma? (doge.jpg)
Alice:
Didn't you say before that you'd even change gender to join an idol group? This isn't much different~
Zhongli:
By common logic, that is correct. However… if you become a cat, your name may no longer be suitable.
How about "Wen-Ti"?
Furina:
Wen-Ti? Tsk tsk, nice name~
Venti:...
They'd even named him already?!
So that's how it is.
You people really do live for the spectacle!
Venti:
I, Venti, will NEVER become a cat-eared girl! Forget it!
He declared it with absolute conviction.
And then—
"Dvalin, after we return Stanley's soul…"
"Let's not visit the old man yet."
"Find somewhere… discreet."
"And then bring me a cat."
"Ah-choo!"
"Discreet?"
"With a cat?"
Dvalin froze.
Then suddenly—
realization dawned.
"Wait."
"Barbatos… you're not actually—"
"No, you're overthinking it!"
"The Traveler is my friend!"
"She gave me a solution, so naturally I should try it!"
"Wouldn't ignoring her kindness be rude?"
Venti spoke with perfect seriousness.
Dvalin's mouth twitched.
…Isn't that the same thing?!
Didn't you just swear you'd never become a cat-eared girl?!
If Dvalin lived on another world, he'd know a universal truth:
The Law of 'Smells Good'.
No one escapes it.
Not even gods.
"You remember what you said in the chat group, right?"
Dvalin asked irritably.
"That was Venti talking."
"What does that have to do with me, Barbatos?"
Venti looked genuinely puzzled.
Dvalin: "..."
Six.
Absolute six.
As expected of you, Barbatos.
Though while complaining—
Dvalin found himself oddly… anticipating it.
A cat-eared Barbatos…
Hiss—
Villa
Luo Chen glanced at the chat logs and shook his head, amused.
Never trust a single word Venti says.
He was 100% going to secretly try becoming a cat.
After all—
the one who swore was Venti.
Not Barbatos.
As for "Wen-Ti"…
Well.
Fate works in mysterious ways.
Clearing his throat, Luo Chen returned to the topic at hand.
"Looks like everyone is very interested in this particular trait of Barbatos~"
"But that concludes his non-serious evaluation."
"Next up—his familiar."
"Dvalin."
"As for his non-serious critique…"
"You'll understand after watching the next video~"
He clicked the mouse.
A new title appeared on screen.
[Paimon vs. Dvalin]
Everyone froze.
…What?
Paimon?
They rubbed their eyes.
No mistake.
Liyue — Jade Chamber
Paimon was happily munching beef offal and sipping a drink while enjoying the chaos.
Life was good.
Until—
she saw the title.
"Paimon… vs. Dvalin?"
Her brain shut down.
"What kind of nonsense is that?!"
Lumine, Ningguang, Keqing, and Ganyu all stared at her.
Paimon being involved wasn't unusual—
but battling Dvalin?
That wasn't a cameo.
That was a death wish.
Considering the size difference, their gazes turned… strange.
"W-What are you all looking at me like that for?!"
Paimon trembled.
Lumine grinned.
"Well… with your one-fifth wild boar combat power…"
"And that tiny body…"
"How exactly do you plan to fight Dvalin?"
"Wouldn't you just get hung up and beaten senseless?"
Keqing, Ningguang, and Ganyu nodded in agreement.
Paimon was scared at first—
then offended.
Hey!
That was hurtful!
She puffed out her chest and crossed her arms.
"What do you mean one-fifth wild boar strength?!"
"What do you mean tiny body?!"
"What do you mean hung up and beaten?!"
"I have skills too, okay?!"
"Like—preemptive strike! Swift as a blade!"
She flailed dramatically, zipping back and forth.
Surprisingly convincing.
Keqing blinked.
Wasn't that—
Her Yunlai Sword Art?!
When did Paimon secretly learn it?
And… it wasn't half bad.
Lumine nodded solemnly and gave a thumbs-up.
"Not bad."
"I was wrong earlier."
Paimon instantly beamed—
until Lumine continued.
"Dvalin won't hang you up and beat you."
"He'll flatten you with a single pinky."
"This evaluation is probably just Dvalin flexing his strength."
"And you, little Paimon—are the background prop."
"As for 'non-serious'…"
"It's just about how he beats you from every angle."
"You—You—YOU—!"
Paimon shook with rage.
Say something nice for once, damn it!
"Hmph! I'm ignoring you!"
She flew away, arms crossed.
Food abandoned.
Drink untouched.
Staring at the screen—
while praying internally.
"Oh great being of the light-screen…"
"Please don't let Paimon get beaten too badly…"
"Just… just leave me some dignity!"
"I—I'll even offer Lumine to you!"
"Uh—Not offer offer—"
"But if you want, I'll help! Definitely!"
Lumine, blissfully unaware, smiled and turned to the screen.
After all—
watching was far more fun.
Above Mondstadt
Both god and dragon were lost in thought.
One pondering cat ears.
One imagining cat-eared Barbatos.
Then the title appeared.
Both froze.
"Paimon…?"
"That little floating one beside the Traveler?"
Dvalin recalled vaguely.
"Yes. She should be in Liyue now."
Venti nodded.
Dvalin relaxed instantly.
"Then there's no suspense."
"I win."
"Even if it's a joke evaluation."
"At worst, the process is messy."
He laughed.
Ending things cleanly?
Perfect.
But Venti smirked.
"Not necessarily~"
"Ehe, Dvalin—remember yesterday when Navia shelled the Dragon Sovereign?"
Dvalin's smile vanished.
He remembered.
Too well.
A dragon king—reduced to crying pearls.
He'd mocked that poor soul.
Told him to quit the chat.
…
That wouldn't happen to me… right?
Suddenly, anxiety crept in.
Venti grinned.
After suffering so much humiliation himself—
it was finally Dvalin's turn.
He eagerly turned to the screen.
So did everyone else.
The video began.
Large characters appeared across the screen.
[Shogunate Highest-Level Classified][Inazuma Top-Secret Archive]Transcendent Chat Group
Lumine:
Eh? Inazuma again? (surprised.jpg)
Jean:
Seems Mondstadt and Inazuma really are fated. (wry smile.jpg)
Ei:
If so, perhaps we should strengthen trade relations.
Jean:
Agreed. Mutual benefit, after all.
Venti:
Ehe~ Business later. This is about unserious business!
Furina:
Right! What does that text mean?
Hu Tao:
Shogunate top-secret files… Inazuma classified archive? Could it be a buried historical incident?!
Yae Miko:
Oh my~ Seems the Shogunate's secrets can't stay hidden anymore~
Ayato:
Ahem. Yes… what happened that year appears destined to be revealed.
Kokomi:
Indeed. That incident nearly caused a catastrophe.
Sara:
Y-Yes! Truly terrifying!
The chat erupted.
Wait—what?
Inazuma hid something like that?
Then—
Ei:
Hm? The Shogunate has secrets like this? Why haven't I heard of them? (confused.jpg)
Silence.
Yae Miko:...
Ayato:...
Kokomi:...
Sara:...
Everyone else:...
Tenshukaku
"Hm?"
"What's wrong?"
Ei tilted her head.
Yae Miko sighed.
This woman could threaten people with divine lightning—
yet somehow missed the joke entirely.
Didn't she see everyone was playing along?
Now the fun was ruined.
Seeing Miko stay silent, Ei tugged her sleeve.
"Hey~ you haven't told me yet."
"What is the Shogunate's classified archive?"
"What exactly happened in Inazuma that year?"
"And why have I never heard about it?"
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