Born Without Humor?
Nahida: Barbatos Is the Real Dendro Archon!
When Amber mentioned Hilichurl Shaman, everyone froze.
They had all seen those monsters before.
And the moment they mentally compared Venti's bizarre pose on the light-screen with a Shaman's stance—
they collectively hissed.
Not unrelated.
Not similar.
Identical.
The entire audience fell into a strange silence.
Venti imitating a Hilichurl Shaman to steal a dog in Inazuma?
Truly… inspiring.
Now everyone was eager to witness how deep his degeneracy could go.
So they quieted down.
And focused.
On the Light-Screen
Out of nowhere—
a wild DJ remix of Sarilang blasted through the scene.
Ahhhhh—
Dun-dun-dun-dun-dun—
If the earlier video was abstract,
this one had now evolved into a higher lifeform of chaos.
The demonic beat elevated the stupid energy to new heights.
And then—he moved.
Venti scooped the dog into his arms…
…then, copying a Hilichurl Shaman, he marched with exaggerated, wide strides through Inazuma City—
perfectly synced to the rhythm, his steps filled with unrestrained betrayal.
DONG DONG DONG DONG DONG—
DUN-DUN-DUN-DUN-DUN—
Everyone in the chat burst into hysterics.
Apparently stealing a dog wasn't enough.
Passing by the Tatarasuna smithy, he dropped the dog…
…and proceeded to carry apprentice A-chong away instead.
Behind him, Amenoma Touma's father was heard screaming.
Kaedehara Kazuha, Tenkumo Juukei, and A-chong himself stared slack-jawed.
Carrying people?
That was allowed?!
Then—
DONG DONG DONG—
DUN-DUN-DUN—
Venti arrived at the Kamisato Estate.
He hoisted Kamisato Ayato over his shoulder like a sack of rice—
and dragged the clan head out the front door.
This time, the video was paired with the infamous meme chant:
"There's no place for you in this house!"
"No place for you at all!"
"AAAHHH—AAAHHH—"
Ayato, Ayaka, and Thoma were laughing earlier.
Now?
Their smiles froze.
Especially Ayato.
He could feel his sister and retainer staring at him.
He did not expect to be victimized again—
and in such a bizarre fashion.
Next scene—
DONG DONG—
DUN-DUN—
The Wind God's rampage escalated.
In front of the Tenshukaku—
he KO'd the Raiden Shogun.
Then carried away the Musou no Hitotachi.
And once again, marched the streets with six-relatives-no-recognition swagger.
Various voice clips echoed:
"HAHAHAHA—"
"Let me try the sword!"
"No loitering!"
"Fall before me!"
Inside the Tenshukaku, Ei and Yae Miko were laughing—
until Ei abruptly stopped.
Her face darkened.
Yae laughed even louder.
Then—
DONG DONG—
DUN-DUN—
Venti exited Inazuma City.
Little Klee appeared.
He didn't even hesitate.
He grabbed Klee's bombs—
and ran.
The result was predictable.
BOOM.
A deafening explosion.
The Wind God disappeared entirely from the screen.
The music cut off.
Video over.
Knights of Favonius Confinement Room
Klee looked at the screen and burst into tears.
It's over—!
Klee exploded Lord Barbatos!
Waaaahhhhh!
Meanwhile, everyone else watching couldn't stop laughing.
The sequence:
Dog theft.
Apprentice theft.
Clan head theft.
Shogun's blade theft.
Bomb theft.
Arrogant?
Yes.
Absurdly bold?
Absolutely.
And finally—
self-detonation.
If this was how the Wind God slacked off…
His fans suddenly understood why he was rarely in Mondstadt.
Just watching him mop the floor with Inazuma was enough entertainment.
The cursed BGM multiplied the absurdity tenfold.
No—hundreds of times.
Only Mondstadt struggled.
They stared blankly at each other.
They wanted to laugh.
They really did.
If the protagonist were any other nation's god or a mere mortal—
they would be howling.
But this?
This was their Wind God.
The humiliation was personal.
Their hearts hurt more than their stomachs.
Ordinary Chat Group
Just minutes ago, the nations were united:
furious over Venti being beaten and having his Gnosis stolen.
Tension was high.
War felt imminent.
But after this video—
all hostility evaporated.
How could they wage war?
There was laughter to be had.
Mao Master:
Your Wind God—pfft—cough—your Wind God—HAHAHAHA sorry—
Ironmouth Tietie:
I'm a professional. Normally, I don't laugh. But this… I cannot… HAHAHAHA—
Amenoma:
Stealing dogs AND my apprentice—are all Mondstadters like this?!
Kura Miyo:
Not just that! Clan heads, swords, bombs too! (holding laughter.jpg)
Heizou:
We're Inazuma's victims… but HAHAHAHA—this is too much!
Dinazad:
So this is how Mondstadt's Wind God slacks off? (laugh-cry.jpg)
Silver:
Hmm? Why aren't Mondstadters laughing? Are they born humorless? (serious.jpg)
Harry:
...
Ellie:
...
Sister Victoria:
Lord Barbatos must… have his reasons… surely…
The Mondstadt chat was pure despair.
Wangsheng Funeral Parlor
Hu Tao sipped tea—
then spat it out in a geyser.
She wheezed.
"HAHAHAHA—this Wind God! Truly talented in the art of slacking!"
She clutched her stomach, nearly doubling over.
Zhongli, normally calm and ancient,
was also smiling brightly.
Yes.
This was interesting.
Hu Tao wiped tears away.
"Zhongli! Do you know this Wind God? He's hilarious!"
"If he endorsed Wangsheng, funerals might become…
fun!"
"We could break into the Mondstadt market!"
Say what you will—
Hu Tao had a business brain.
Zhongli paused.
Let Barbatos endorse funerals?
…worse?
…or better?
He couldn't tell.
But he answered anyway:
"We have met several times.
If there is a chance, I shall introduce him."
Hu Tao beamed.
A god endorsing her business?
Incredible.
Abyss Base
Chaos.
"By the Abyss—this Wind God is insane!"
"His steps are even more cursed than his strip-dancing!"
"He's finished. His reputation is DONE."
"Memorize the walk! The insults!"
"When we invade Mondstadt, we'll mock them WHILE imitating his walk!"
"Let's see if they can still worship him!"
"KYAKYAKYA—"
On the throne, Aether sat satisfied.
Excellent.
If they couldn't disrupt the world through direct chaos—
they'd use psychological warfare instead.
If the Seven looked like clowns—
who would fear them?
But one Wind God wasn't enough.
More would fall.
Mondstadt — Cathedral
The nuns were speechless.
Their destroyed faith resurfaced.
Cracked.
Mended.
Cracked again.
As for Barbara—
she once more collapsed into a duck-sit position.
Expression blank.
Spirit gone.
Mondstadt — Above the Sky
The culprit—
Venti himself.
"SLANDER! PURE SLANDER!"
He wailed.
A picture of heartbreak and innocence.
Dvalin howled with laughter.
"So you steal dogs AND people AND swords AND bombs!"
"Truly worthy of your title, Bar-to-ss!"
It didn't matter if the video was real.
He considered it real.
Everyone saw it.
"I didn't! This is a false portrayal!"
"I, Venti, am the most dignified—ah wait no—
I am a perfectly proper god!"
"The light-screen wrongs me!"
"You almost said 'I didn't have time,' didn't you?"
Dvalin caught the slip immediately.
He rolled his eyes.
He thought Venti was genuinely desperate.
But no—
he was just fooling.
Typical.
"NO! You heard wrong!"
"Look into my eyes! Are they not sincere?"
Dvalin stared deadpan.
He could not see Venti's eyes.
And also—
this man was not a Wind God.
He was a Chaos God.
A Meme God.
A Grass God.
Transcendent Chat Group
Lumine:After watching so many clips, I thought I'd be numb. But no—my soul just died again.
Paimon:Never expected another video that makes your vision go dark! (cry.jpg)
Xiangling:Shocking! The Wind God went to Inazuma to commit THIS! Is this moral corruption or human depravity?!
Charlotte:Excellent! Next time, come work at The Steambird with us!
Furina:Save me! Someone cleanse my brain! I need fresh eyes! (collapse.jpg)
Hu Tao:No saving. Might as well die and get buried. Wangsheng has discounts~
Furina:???
Furina glared.
She treated Hu Tao as a friend.
Hu Tao treated her—
as a customer.
Zhongli:
The terrifying part is—not the behavior—but that, knowing his personality…
…it is entirely believable. (popcorn.jpg)
Neuvillette:
This is not a Wind God. This is a MAD God.
Alice:
Now we know why Venti's main color is green! (sigh.jpg)
Ayaka:
Why? (curious.jpg)
Alice:
Because he's actually the Grass God. TOO GRASS.
Nahida:
...
Nahida:
Understood. I resign. Barbatos may take my seat. (doge.jpg)
Venti:
SLANDER! I am the MOST proper being alive! (serious.jpg)
Alice:
Proper? You dare say that without your chest hurting?
Venti:
It doesn't hurt. My heart was taken. I have no heart.
Lumine:6!
Paimon:6!
Alice:6!
La Signora:...
Yae Miko:To all worshippers of Barbatos—how do you feel now? (evil.jpg)
Diona:Hmph! This is what happens when you drink too much! Wind God MUST quit drinking!
Jean:Cough. Lord Barbatos must have… reasons.
Barbara:I'm on the rooftop again… (cry.jpg)
The chat devolved into madness.
Then someone remembered—
the victims.
Lumine:So… how do you Inazumans feel? (evil.jpg)
Paimon:Dogs aside—we don't know whose.
Paimon:The smithy apprentice vanished!
Kazuha:...
Paimon:The Kamisato clan head was kidnapped!
Paimon:Ayaka likely collaborated to banish her brother! (serious.jpg)
Ayato:...
Ayaka:...
Paimon:The Raiden Shogun was knocked out and robbed of her sword!
Ei:
Heh. Barbatos. It has been a while.
We should spar. (smile.jpg)
Venti:Ehe.~
Paimon:
And finally—Klee!
We don't know how she even reached Inazuma—but the bard STOLE A CHILD'S BOMB!
Klee:
Waaah—Klee blew up Lord Barbatos! Waaah! (cry.jpg)
Venti:
Ah… this…
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