Lord Barba-Thighs, Stop Stealing Dogs and Do Some Actual Work!
Transcendent Chat Group
Lumine:Pfft—HAHAHA! I'm dying! Venti, you really understand how to fool people!
Alice:What fooling? Just answer me—am I wrong? (evil.jpg)
Zhongli:By universal rationality, one surnamed "Wen" and one surnamed "Ba" are indeed not the same person. (serious.jpg)
Paimon:Got it~ If they arrest Venti again, what does that have to do with my bard? (doge.jpg)
Dvalin:So now his surname is "Sing"?
Venti:Ehe~
Tartaglia:HAHAHA, learned something new! I'll use this next time!
Tartaglia:Arresting Fatui Harbinger Childe—what does that have to do with me, Tartaglia? (doge.jpg)
Nahida:Arresting the Dendro Archon—what does that have to do with me, Nahida? (doge.jpg)
Furina:Arresting Neuvillette—what does that have to do with me, Neuvillette-Otter? (doge.jpg)
Neuvillette:...
Cloud Retainer:Arresting Ganyu—what does that have to do with me, Cocogoat? (doge.jpg)
Ganyu:...
Zhongli:Arresting Rex Lapis and me—
Hu Tao:And you… what? (curious.jpg)
Zhongli:Cough. Nothing.
Zhongli silently felt relieved.
He had almost exposed himself just by following the flow.
This chat group was really… dangerous.
Though with the light-screen around,
he knew his identity wouldn't stay hidden forever.
Still—
delaying it for even a little while was better than nothing.
Ayaka:That said, this evaluation was clearly about the Wind God, yet Kujou General somehow suffered collateral damage.
Yoimiya:Traveler—ah no, Executor—says this is pretty cursed.
Lumine:I'm already used to it! Let's see how the light-screen plans to keep bullying me next! (hands on hips.jpg)
Nilou:So even if you're not the one being evaluated, you're still at risk…
Furina:Not necessarily! Look at Clorinde and Wriothesley—they even got to "bully upward" on screen! (evil.jpg)
Wriothesley:Haha, exactly! How often do you get to mess with the Hydro Dragon—uh, Neuvillette-Otter?
Clorinde:(eating popcorn.jpg)
Neuvillette:...
Neuvillette:Wriothesley, we'll continue training later. (smile.jpg)
Wriothesley:...
Sigewinne:Sigh… guess I'll have to prepare medicine again… (facepalm.jpg)
Yoimiya:Compared to this, Kujou General really got it rough.
Kamisato Ayato:Those of us who know the truth are fine, but outsiders probably really think she's like that now…
Arataki Itto:HAHAHAHA! Serves her right! Seeing Nine-Tails Turtle acting dumb—this feels amazing! Wahahaha!
Kuki Shinobu:Boss…
Kujou Sara:Arataki Itto, shut up!
Kujou Sara:This is a NON-SERIOUS evaluation! It's not real!
Kujou Sara:Shogun, I am absolutely not that kind of idiot!
Yae Miko:Oh? Really? I don't believe you~ (doge.jpg)
Kujou Sara:Lady Guuji, test me directly then! I accept! Let everyone see whether I'm really that stupid!
Seeing this, the pink-haired fox's lips curved upward, amusement flickering in her eyes.
Oh little Sara… you've walked straight into my trap.
Yae Miko:Ahem, very well. I'll ask casually.
Yae Miko:If one day, someone named Beelzebul were to fight the Raiden Shogun seated in Tenshukaku—who would you help?
Ei's lips twitched.
Meanwhile, Venti, Zhongli, and Nahida—those who knew the truth—wore extremely strange expressions.
Beelzebul fighting the Raiden Shogun?
Good grief.
You really know how to ask questions.
Kujou Sara:Naturally, I would support the Shogun!
Kujou Sara:Anyone who dares disrespect Her Excellency, I will draw my blade against them!
Compared to other nations, Inazuma's divine names were rarely known.
Most people only knew the title "Raiden Shogun."
So Kujou Sara had no idea what this question was really about—
and instantly fell into the fox's trap.
Ayaka:That seems like an easy question to answer, right?
Yoimiya:Yeah! The Shogun is our god—we should obviously fight for her!
Arataki Itto:That's right! Even if I hate this Nine-Tails Turtle, she's right this time!
Kirara:Meow~
Venti:Exactly! Beat up this Beelzebul person! (evil.jpg)
Zhongli:By universal rationality, one surnamed "Ba" and one surnamed "Lei"—Lei is your boss, so of course you help Lei. (serious.jpg)
Nahida:The two above make very good points! (popcorn.jpg)
Ei:...
Yae Miko's smile widened instantly.
She had planned to catch one person—
but four walked right in.
Yae Miko:How bold! Kujou Sara, you dare commit insubordination again!
Yae Miko:Speak! Did you already harbor rebellious intent?! (serious.jpg)
Kujou Sara:???
Sara was completely confused.
How was she insubordinate again?!
She was literally defending the Shogun!
Wait—
Suddenly, something clicked.
"One surname Ba… one surname Lei…"
"This feels… familiar…"
"…Don't tell me—the Shogun's real name is Beelzebul?!"
Her face darkened.
Damn it.
She had just claimed she wasn't as dumb as the video version—
and immediately did the exact same thing.
In the light-screen, she treated Barbatos and Venti as two people.
Now she'd done basically the same thing.
"Why would Lady Guuji ask such a question…"
Sara felt deeply regretful.
She'd embarrassed herself again—right in front of the Shogun.
Would Her Excellency think she wasn't loyal enough?
Would she think Sara wasn't attentive?
Would she—
Her heart grew increasingly uneasy.
"I need to pay more attention to Her Excellency…"
"When the evaluation reaches the Shogun later, I must take notes and memorize everything!"
Taking a deep breath, she returned to the chat.
Kujou Sara:M-May I ask—does Her Excellency's true name happen to be Beelzebul?
Ei:Naturally.
Kujou Sara:Shogun… this subordinate is dull-witted. Please punish me!
Ayaka, Yoimiya, Itto, and Kirara froze.
Wait—
The Shogun really is Beelzebul?!
Oh no.
The Guuji's question was never that simple.
They had all fallen for it.
Ayaka:Ayaka is dull-witted. Please punish me, Shogun!
Yoimiya:P-Please punish me too!
Arataki Itto:Uh… I honestly didn't know.
Kuki Shinobu:Please show mercy—Boss truly didn't know!
Kirara:P-Please spare me! (trembling.jpg)
Ei looked at the messages, helpless.
Was she really that terrifying?
Or had Inazuma's past thunder authority been too oppressive?
After a quiet sigh, she replied.
Ei:It is fine. You need not worry.
Everyone immediately relaxed.
Then—
Kujou Sara:Lady Yae, now that I know the truth, I naturally choose to help neither side.
Yae Miko:How bold! Beelzebul is in danger, yet you refuse to help?! (serious.jpg)
Yae Miko:Speak! Do you harbor rebellious intent?! (serious.jpg)
Kujou Sara:???
Kujou Sara:Lady Guuji—Beelzebul is the Shogun, and the Shogun is Beelzebul. If you want me to help both sides, how am I supposed to do that?!
Yae Miko:Ah~ but Beelzebul may be the Shogun…
Yae Miko:Yet the Raiden Shogun seated in Tenshukaku might not necessarily be Beelzebul~ (evil.jpg)
Kujou Sara:???
Ayaka:???
Yoimiya:???
Itto:???
Everyone from Inazuma—and everyone else—was stunned.
Ei had just admitted her name was Beelzebul!
How was the Shogun suddenly not Beelzebul again?!
Their brains started overheating.
Seeing this, the trash fox smiled slyly and finally explained.
Yae Miko:Simply put—Ei, also known as Beelzebul, inherited the position of Electro Archon.
Yae Miko:Later, she created a puppet to act as the Raiden Shogun in the outside world, while she entered the Plane of Euthymia.
Yae Miko:It's complicated. You'll understand when the evaluation reaches Ei.
"…So I chose wrong again?"
After understanding everything, Kujou Sara's mouth twitched.
Two wrong choices in a row.
She started questioning her intelligence.
Was the non-serious evaluation actually accurate?
Was she really that dense?
Everyone else sucked in a cold breath.
This kind of setup even existed?!
Now it all made sense.
No wonder the Shogun wasn't necessarily Beelzebul—
because she might be the puppet.
Looking back, this was a perfect trap question.
At first, you think you should help the Raiden Shogun.
Wrong.
Because the god's true name is Beelzebul.
Fine—then help neither.
Wrong again.
Because Beelzebul is the Shogun, but the Shogun might not be Beelzebul.
Correct answer:
Help Beelzebul.
Everyone suddenly felt deep sympathy for Kujou Sara.
She wanted to prove she wasn't as dumb as the video—
and ended up looking even dumber thanks to the Guuji.
But honestly?
You couldn't blame her.
Who could possibly know this level of inside information?
This fox was truly trash-tier.
No wonder she could rival—or even surpass—the Executor in "trickery."
Strangely enough, everyone began looking forward to Yae Miko's own evaluation.
That one was bound to be spectacular.
Villa
Luo Chen glanced at the chat's highlighted messages, his expression turning odd.
He'd thought Venti would be the one getting roasted.
Never expected Kujou Sara to be the real victim.
This topic drifted hard.
"As expected of you, trash fox."
"You've completely broken little Sara."
He silently praised her.
Still—this was Venti's stage.
So he spoke up to pull the topic back.
"Cough. We've shown quite a lot today."
"But by now, everyone should clearly understand what
'May the Wind God Fool You' really means."
Everyone silently agreed.
This guy never told the truth.
A top-tier con artist.
If deception were a stat,
Venti would already be Teyvat-ranked invincible.
"Now that that's settled, let's continue the non-serious evaluation."
"Third item—not doing actual work."
"As mentioned before, aside from key moments guiding Mondstadt onto the right path, Barbatos is almost never around."
"Instead…"
"He goes fishing."
"So naturally, you're all curious—how exactly the Wind God fishes."
"I've got a slightly interesting clip for that."
"After watching, you'll understand."
With that, Luo Chen clicked play.
A new video appeared.
[Barbatos Dog-Stealing Incident]
High above Mondstadt.
Venti had been watching eagerly.
He was curious what fun story would appear.
Then he saw the title—
His smile froze.
"…Dog stealing?"
"Barbatos, you steal dogs when you're slacking off?"
Dvalin's expression turned strange.
Hearing this, Venti snapped back to his senses.
"Slander! This is slander!"
"The light-screen is slandering me!"
"Dvalin, you know me—Barbatos is a very proper god!"
"How could I possibly steal dogs?!"
He, Venti, always dared to take responsibility!
Dog stealing?
Absolutely not!
That was way too improper.
Dvalin squinted suspiciously.
"You? Proper?"
"I feel like this is exactly something you'd do."
After all—
this was the guy who dared mess with the Geo Archon.
Stealing a dog didn't sound that outrageous.
Venti was about to argue—
when the light-screen activated.
Both immediately shut up and looked over.
The chat did the same.
Excitement, curiosity, disbelief—
everything mixed together.
On the Light-Screen
The scene showed a street in Inazuma City, Narukami Island.
Venti stood there—
posing exactly like a Hilichurl Shaman.
One hand held a dog.
The dog barked nonstop.
Venti's body swayed slightly from side to side.
The scene was…
extremely abstract.
Transcendent Chat Group
Ayaka:Huh? Why Inazuma again?
Yoimiya:Looks like the Wind God really has deep ties with Inazuma~ (laugh-cry.jpg)
Hu Tao:Wait—he's really holding a dog! Did he steal an Inazuman dog?!
Lumine:Case closed! This is the real reason Venti got arrested!
Barbara:Um… does anyone feel like Lord Barbatos' movements are a bit… strange?
Noelle:You're right… not human, but kind of familiar…
Amber:That's a Hilichurl Shaman pose…
As an Outrider, Amber knew monsters very well.
She recognized it instantly.
"Lord Barbatos…
posing like a Hilichurl Shaman to steal a dog…"
"That's seriously not doing your job at all."
Amber's mouth twitched.
To be continued…
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