Aether's Shocking Discovery!
Aozang Mountain
Shenhe was still listening to her master recount Ganyu's childhood stories.
Like—
"She had to rub her horns before she could fall asleep."
"The first time she saw a human, she got so scared she hid in a crack between rocks for two whole days."
All cute, embarrassing little stories…
Completely different from the cool, graceful Ganyu of today.
So when Shenhe heard the new "unserious evaluation" from the light-screen, she asked:
"Master, so what is this Coconut Goat about?"
"This…"
Cloud Retainer suddenly fell silent.
Because she really didn't know.
There was no memory of Ganyu ever being associated with goats.
Even Shenhe was surprised.
Even Master doesn't know?
Could this be another meme like "Beef-Offal Master"?
Her eyes shifted to the light-screen, filled with anticipation.
Without noticing, she was already developing human emotional reactions.
Transcendent Chat Group
Aether: Coconut Goat? How is that related to Ganyu?
Yanfei: Right? Ganyu is a Qilin adeptus! No connection to goats at all.
Paimon: Maybe it's food? Ganyu likes goat meat?
Cloud Retainer: Drink only sweet dew, eat only fine herbs! Qilin are strict vegetarians.
Xiangling: No wonder Ganyu never orders meat at Wanmin Restaurant!
Ayaka: Then what is Coconut Goat?
Hu Tao: Consultant Zhongli, you know?
Zhongli: I do not. I have never heard of it.
Qiqi: Coconut Goat! A legendary… half-adeptus beast. What it looks like—don't know. Where it lives—don't know. Why—it exists—don't know.
Furina: Half-adeptus? Then it fits! I understand! Coconut Goat must be Ganyu's secret form!
Baizhu: Apologies. Qiqi's memory is poor. Please don't take her words seriously.
Nahida: Then let's just wait for the light-screen~
Villa — Arthur
Arthur paused in thought.
"Coconut Goat," "Coconut Milk,"—these memes were some of the most popular Ganyu jokes besides "Miss Wong."
Maybe even more famous.
Tons of fan-creations.
But unlike "Beef-Offal Master," this one carried… certain implications.
Implications born from countless cultured fans.
If he were just a normal Genshin content creator showing memes to human viewers—fine.
But now?
He was broadcasting to all of Teyvat.
He needed to be careful.
Directly explaining it would violate Ganyu's privacy.
But skipping it entirely would feel… wrong.
The Coconut Goat meme was a core soul meme of Ganyu.
Fortunately, Arthur had already prepared a safer explanation.
He put two images on screen:
A goat
Ganyu's "Coconut Goat" chibi form
Instantly, many people understood.
Ah—! It's because she looks like one!
The little horns, the soft eyes—very goat-like.
Only Ganyu stared in silent resignation.
I am a Qilin.
Not a goat.
Even less a Coconut Goat…
But before discussions began, the video changed.
A NEW video loaded—
The true origin of the meme.
Of course, Arthur edited out all the… questionable content.
He needed to retain the meme while keeping it safe for Teyvat.
Everyone held their breath with expectation.
Light-Screen Video Begins
Title: [Authentic Coconut Milk — Coconut Goat Brand!]
Liyue's soft commercial music played.
A carton of coconut milk appeared.
On the box:
"Authentic Coconut Milk — Coconut Goat Brand"
Middle left:
"I am Miss Wong."
"Authentic Coconut Milk — Coconut Goat Brand."
"I've been drinking it since childhood."
Middle right:
Chibi Ganyu holding the carton with her head.
Bottom:
"6,000 years of tradition, using fresh coconut juice and mountain goat milk."
"Freshly squeezed."
"No milk powder, no fake ingredients to trick customers."
A narrator spoke:
"Coconut Goat brand coconut milk—developed by the half-adeptus Coconut Goat, with over 6,000 years of history."
"Beloved by the people of Liyue!"
"Let's hear what they think!"
The scene changed to Bubu Pharmacy.
Qiqi appeared, holding a bottle.
"Coconut Goat is legendary half-adeptus beast."
"Coconut Goat milk… tastes good."
"Better than normal goat milk."
Cut—
To a hooded man before a Statue of the Seven.
Voice:
"I am Morax."
"Coconut Goat milk… is truly excellent."
"A thousand-year brand. Reliable."
Cut—
To the Jade Chamber.
Ningguang, elegant as ever:
"I am not picky about beverages."
"A little something like this is enough."
Cut—
To Yujing Terrace.
Keqing smiled subtly:
"Even a sip can satisfy the taste buds."
"And sweep away all accumulated stress."
Cut—
To the Crux Fleet.
Beidou chugged the milk like liquor.
GUDONG—
GUDONG—
Then wiped her mouth:
"After hard work, drinking this—refreshing!"
Cut—
To Tianheng Mountain peak.
Finally—
Ganyu, holding a carton, smiling shyly:
"Authentic Coconut Milk, Coconut Goat Brand."
"Six thousand-year shop. You deserve it."
Video ends.
Silence.
Then—
Everyone exploded.
Transcendent Chat Group
Yaoyao: Ganyu-jiejie's Coconut Goat form is so cute!
Cloud Retainer: Yes! She was much cuter when she was round and small.
Ganyu: …
Qiqi: COCONUT MILK!
Yanfei: I get it! So Coconut Milk is made by Coconut Goat Ganyu from coconut juice and goat milk!
Venti: Eh-hey—this is ancient beverage craftsmanship!
Xiangling: And so many endorsements! Qiqi, Captain Beidou, Lady Ningguang, Lady Keqing, even the Geo Archon!
Yae Miko: As expected of Ganyu. If only someone endorsed my novels…
Ei: …
Xiao: Even the Archon…
Zhongli: Ganyu is an adeptus. If such a shop existed, I would indeed endorse it.
Hu Tao: Learned something! I'll promote the Funeral Parlor like this too!
Jean: Honestly, it looks good… might relieve fatigue even.
Fischl: A sanctified elixir of the depths of my domain!
Oz: She means "perfect travel item."
Navia: Got it! From now on, only Coconut Milk Brand milk!
Aether: Question: where can we buy it?
Ningguang: Ganyu is here.
Charlotte: Breaking news! Liyue's secretary Ganyu launches Coconut Milk! Keqing opens Beef-Offal Shop! Moral collapse? Capitalist victory? Tune into Steam Bird Daily!
Ganyu: …
Keqing: …
Barbara: Wait—does no one find "Miss Wong" suspicious?!
Paimon: Oh—true!!
Furina: Is that Ganyu's nickname?
Alice: Shouldn't her nickname be "Gulu-Gulu Down-the-Mountain True Monarch"?
Cloud Retainer: "Miss Wong"? Wonderful name! I shall use it.
Ganyu: …
Liyue — Jade Chamber
"Coconut Goat Milk!"
"Not bad!"
Keqing grinned.
"Ganyu, you should open a coconut-milk shop!"
"With this commercial, you'll be famous instantly."
Ganyu had regained her composure by now.
She rolled her eyes gently.
"A coconut-milk shop can't compare with your beef-offal shop, Lady Keqing."
"You have Beef-Offal Sword Technique and your single "My Grilled Beef Offal"."
"If you launched a shop, it would dominate all of Teyvat."
"You— y-you…"
Keqing choked instantly.
She forgot she was also a victim…
Ningguang laughed.
"How about this?"
"One opens a beef-offal shop."
"One opens a coconut-milk shop next to it."
"Eat beef offal → drink coconut milk to cleanse the palate."
"If you need capital, I can invest~"
Keqing & Ganyu: eye-rolls in stereo
They were both very employed.
Running shops was impossible.
(For now…)
Mondstadt — Traveler's Room
Paimon massaged Aether's leg while staring hungrily at the coconut milk on screen.
"Wow, Aether, that looks sooo tasty!"
"No idea what it even tastes like!"
Aether didn't answer.
Paimon blinked.
"Aether? What's wrong?"
"…Something is off about this evaluation."
Aether frowned seriously.
"Off? It's always like this."
Paimon shrugged.
She almost said something teasing—
but clamped her mouth shut just in time.
Aether casually handed her the Gourmet Tablecloth.
Then whispered:
"Paimon, think about it."
"This evaluation is too normal."
"This is supposed to be an unserious evaluation."
They said "Coconut Goat"…
but the video was a perfectly normal advertisement.
"If my guess is right…
the real coconut milk isn't what they showed."
Paimon froze.
"You… you mean…"
"…Ganyu's real coconut milk… is actually…"
"No proof. But I'm sure."
Aether nodded confidently.
Paimon inhaled sharply.
THIS IS TOO MUCH.
If that were true—
Ganyu would resign from the Qixing tomorrow.
Paimon tried to collect herself.
"Nope—too shocking. I need coconut milk to calm down!"
She summoned the Gourmet Tablecloth.
But—
Nothing appeared.
"Huh?"
She tried again.
Still nothing.
"Aether! The coconut milk didn't appear! Is the tablecloth broken?!"
"What? Impossible."
Aether tested it.
Other food worked.
Coconut milk did not.
The problem was clear.
"It's because…" she whispered.
"The thing you were imagining wasn't food."
Paimon's eyes widened.
Because she had been imagining Aether's "real coconut milk theory."
Which was… absolutely not food.
Paimon quickly reset her mind.
"Ahem!"
"Gourmet Tablecloth!"
"I want the coconut milk shown in the video—
the one made of coconut juice and goat milk!"
"NOT that other thing!!"
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