The "Gulu-Gulu Down-the-Mountain True Monarch"!
Villa — Liyue POV (Arthur's stream)
"Keqing had a lot of material, so her 'unserious evaluations' took some time," Arthur said with a laugh.
"But now that all six are complete…
we finally move on to the next victim."
He paused slightly, teasing the audience.
"Next up—Liyue Qixing's own Ganyu!"
The screen lit up with an image of Ganyu.
Aozang Mountain
"Finally! It's Ganyu's turn!"
Cloud Retainer's voice was practically bubbling with excitement.
"That child was so adorable when she was small—her friends must surely want to know!"
Shenhe stood beside her, calm-faced as always… but internally?
…Why does Master seem overly excited about exposing her disciple's secrets?
After watching the light-screen for so long, Shenhe had learned a dangerous new concept:
"chaos enjoyer" — an unrepentant chaos-seeker.
Traveler, Venti, Hu Tao, Yae Miko, Furina…
And now, apparently…
her own master.
Otherwise why would Cloud Retainer sound so eager to leak Ganyu's childhood?
Liyue — Jade Chamber
"Finally… it's over."
Keqing exhaled in relief.
Sure, she had acted nonchalant earlier—but that was only because "Keq-Cat" was mild compared to her previous humiliations.
But who knew what horrors might've come after?
She wasn't risking it.
Now it was Ganyu's turn.
Keqing turned toward her teammate with a wicked little smirk.
"Hehe, Ganyu~ I'm really curious about your 'unserious evaluations.'"
"Hm? Indeed," Ningguang added, eyes glinting.
"Since it's not about me, I shall watch with leisure."
Ganyu stared at the two like a helpless little qilin about to be sacrificed.
They're all devils…
Transcendent Chat Group
Yaoyao: Yay! Finally Ganyu-jie! I can't wait!
Yae Miko: Hehe, I'm also curious~
Ayaka: How many 'unserious evaluations' will Lady Ganyu have?
Keqing: Ahem… Ganyu is very capable. Surely she has more than me.
Aethere: Keqing!? So you do like watching other people's embarrassment?
Paimon: Yeah! A moment ago you were sulking!
Alice: Everyone knows—if the joke isn't aimed at you, it's a good joke!
Paimon: Except one person! Right, Venti?
Venti: Ehehe~
Zhongli: Rationally speaking, the bard does indeed enjoy it.
Barbara: You're just a simple bard, why would you have anything to be mocked for?
Dvalin: …
Jean: …
Kaeya: …
Cloud Retainer: Quiet. It's starting.
Villa — Arthur
"Unserious Evaluation No.1 for Ganyu—
She can fall asleep anywhere."
Arthur smiled.
"Despite being a half-adeptus, diligent, responsible, and often doing the work of several people…"
"Once she is off work, her true nature shows."
"For instance—her noon nap."
"Unlike Keqing who never naps, Ganyu naps every day."
"It doesn't matter where she is—office, street, roadside, brush pile…"
"As long as she curls herself up—boom. Instantly asleep."
"Even if a group of hilichurls danced around her, she would not wake."
"There is also a funny story—"
"Once, while escorting a previous Tianquan out of the city, Ganyu finished her meal, saw a pile of sweet grass, crawled inside, curled up—"
"—and immediately fell asleep."
"The workers didn't notice her and transported the whole pile straight to Dihua Marsh."
"She only woke up when her head rolled off the cart and hit the ground."
"And that poor Tianquan nearly filed a missing-person report."
"If Ganyu wasn't an adeptus, she would've been kidnapped twice over."
A faint laugh escaped Arthur.
"A battle-tested immortal…
but basically a tiny, sleepy kitten."
Inazuma — Grand Narukami Shrine
Deep in the forest, Sayu lay sprawled on a tree branch.
Finally, no Miko to torment her.
Peace!
Freedom!
Sleep!
Or so she planned—until "My Grilled Offal" earlier completely shattered her calm.
She wasn't sleepy at all now.
But when she heard this—
"C-can sleep anywhere… instantly?!"
Sayu sat straight up, eyes shining.
"If I learn that… I could sleep more… sleep anytime… grow taller!!"
The little ninja began trembling with excitement.
Transcendent Chat Group
Ningguang: Ah yes, the 'missing person' incident… It is well-known among the Qixing.
Keqing: True! I also forgot until now.
Cloud Retainer: Hahaha, that child is full of such stories.
Moon Carver: Indeed. Gullible, soft-hearted, very easy to bully.
Ganyu: …
Jean: Honestly… I envy that ability.
Kokomi: Me too. If only I could collapse and sleep instantly; life would be easier.
Sayu: Ganyu-jie, Ganyu-jie! How… how do you do it?!
Ganyu: Little… hm… little tanuki child, actually—
Sayu: I'M SAYU! NOT A TANUKI!!
Ganyu: …Alright. Sayu. It's probably my adeptus bloodline.
Or… you can try working overtime every day. When you're exhausted enough, you'll sleep instantly.
Sayu: …Thank you…
Sayu stared blankly at her hands.
Overtime?
If she worked overtime—she'd have less time to sleep!
Absolutely impossible.
She must find another path!
Villa — Arthur
"Now for Ganyu's Unserious Evaluation No.2—
Terrifying combat power!"
He smirked.
And all of Teyvat instantly grew wary.
Transcendent Chat Group
Yae Miko: What does that mean? She's an adeptus; being strong is normal.
Jean: And 'combat power' should've been part of the serious evaluations…
Hu Tao: My gut tells me something is fishy~
Nahida: But what kind of fishiness can 'battle power' have?
Aethere: Yeah! It won't turn into "Liyue Ice Archon," right?
Keqing: …
Tsaritsa: …
Cloud Retainer: Heh. This is a story only I know. He will explain soon~
Venti: Details!
Alice: Details!
Furina: "Elaborate! Tell us everything!"
Cloud Retainer: No no, let the light-screen speak. Hahaha—
Jade Chamber
"Combat power…?" Keqing murmured.
"Surely not 'Ganyu the Ice Archon'?"
But Ningguang shook her head.
"Judging by Cloud Retainer's expression… it's not that simple."
Both turned their heads slowly toward Ganyu.
Her face was already pale.
They noticed…
Villa — Arthur
"Ganyu is a powerful adeptus—yes."
"But this particular 'combat power' refers to…"
"…a battle during the Archon War."
"At that time, Liyue was engulfed in chaos. Rex Lapis and the adepti were all fighting."
"Little Ganyu wanted to help—but she was still small."
"And then—she was swallowed whole by a giant beast."
"Normally she would've died instantly…"
Arthur paused.
Smiled.
"But that year, Ganyu was as round as a dumpling."
"So when she got swallowed, she got stuck in the creature's throat."
"She blocked its airway, caused it to suffocate,
and thus defeated the monster."
"No Adeptus Arts.
No martial skill.
Not even Cryo power."
"Just… mass."
"That, my friends—
is overwhelming combat power."
Aozang Mountain
"Blocked the beast's throat!
Hahaha!"
Cloud Retainer burst into wild laughter.
Shenhe just stared blankly.
…Master really is a chaos gremlin.
Cloud Retainer leaned toward her.
"Shenhe, the light-screen didn't tell the full story. Let me explain properly."
"It happened like this—back then, little Ganyu was round, soft, and—"
Shenhe's expression remained calm, but her heart whispered:
Will Master… also spread my embarrassing childhood stories one day?
Still, she listened.
She too wanted to know…
How Ganyu had managed to get stuck.
Jade Chamber
"Because she was—fat?"
Keqing blinked in disbelief.
Ningguang actually froze mid-smoke.
"…Truly unexpected."
Then both slowly turned toward Ganyu.
She lay face-down on the table, ears burning red.
"Whyyyy must he reveal my darkest secret…"
Ganyu whispered in despair.
All the sleepiness, the embarrassment, the crying, the roundness…
Everything she wanted no one to know—
was now public.
Transcendent Chat Group
Hu Tao: GOOD LORD! So this is the battle power??
Aethere: I mean… strong is strong!
Zhongli: Indeed. Defeating a giant beast during the Archon War is truly impressive.
Venti: Agree!
Ei: Hmm. The two old ones are correct.
Nahida: The method is… unique. But a victory is a victory!
Furina: Agreed!
Yaoyao: Oh no… Ganyu is following Keqing-jie's tragic path…
Yanfei: After this, I may never see Ganyu the same way…
Alice: But I am curious—how big was the beast?
How big was Ganyu??
Yae Miko: A very valid question~
Cloud Retainer: Leave it to me! At that time, Ganyu was—
Ganyu: CLOUD! RETAINER! DON'T!!
Cloud Retainer coughed and fell silent.
Cloud Retainer: Fine, fine… I'll tell you after the light-screen finishes.
Alice: A pity!
Aethere: A pity!
Venti: A pity!
Furina: A pity!
Yae Miko: A pi— cough, not a pity.
Ganyu: …
Villa — Arthur
Seeing the sheer chaos in the barrage, Arthur grinned.
"Now that you understand Ganyu's combat power—"
"It's time to reveal her Adeptus Title."
"Unserious Evaluation No.3—
'Gulu-Gulu Down-the-Mountain True Monarch'."
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