Naruto was drawing on the table, sitting on the chair next to him. It was apparently a cat chasing after a bird, who apparently didn't know how to fly. The cat was holding a katana three times its size, decorated with, what appeared to be, flames. There was a dead mouse on the bird's beak.
Kakashi sat a plate of food in front of him. There was the eggplant from the morning, along with seaweed, and eel, with half a serving of rice on the side. Without a word, Kakashi pushed it towards him, and Sasuke–well, he was desperately trying to keep Kakashi happy. He had far too much information now, which, much like he said, other than having someone from the Yamanaka clan mess with his memories, would stay with Kakashi, now, always. Because Sasuke had been an idiot and now, Kakashi knew that, too, and the only positive thing about that was that there was a chance, a small one, that Itachi wouldn't find out.
So, slowly, he picked up some of the eel. He chewed and swallowed, begrudgingly admitting to himself that yeah, it didn't taste bad . It was decent. But that didn't mean that he wanted to eat it. Still, he told Naruto that he'd eat properly if he trained with him, and Naruto had, and Sasuke didn't want to deal with him whining about how Sasuke promised he'd eat and how promises couldn't–or shouldn't be broken. He felt Kakashi's attention on him from the kitchen the entire time he was eating, but Sasuke did a fantastic job ignoring him in favor of watching Naruto's doodles.
Until, to the surprise of everyone, including himself, his plate was empty. But at least, his stomach wasn't uncomfortably full; as long as he wasn't an idiot, he wouldn't throw it up in the privacy of the bathroom later, and that…was nice.
As nice as anything in his life was nowadays.
With one last glance at Naruto's paper, Sasuke picked up the plate and took it to the kitchen. "Did you finally advise my brother?" he asked Kakashi, blinking as he took the plate from him and began to wash it.
Kakashi glanced at him quickly, "I'm always advising him, Sasuke. I've told you–"
"That you're talented enough to be in two places at once," he finished for him. It was awfully convenient. Obviously, it was entirely on purpose. "Not at night, though, right?"
"Some nights," Kakashi said. But before Sasuke could think about those words, Kakashi turned the faucet off and then shifted his entire body to look at him, with a raised eyebrow and a flat expression on his face.
For some stupid reason, Kakashi's stare made Sasuke want to shrink away, with a nameless sensation that was foreign to him, even when he felt it two days ago, under his brother's gaze. But he crushed that stupid feeling. Carefully, kept his face blank and even provided a roll of eyes, so Kakashi could see that Sasuke was not in the mood to hear it. So what if he had lied this morning? Kakashi was an idiot for believing that he would train responsibly; Sasuke was Orochimaru's protege, after all. And Itachi's little brother. Everyone around should always assume that he was always lying. If they didn't, at this point, that was on them , not him.
"You told me not to worry about it," Kakashi said, his voice considerably lower, presumably so that the conversation could remain private, which Sasuke appreciated, even if Kakashi apparently hadn't understood the wordless message. "Care to explain yourself?"
"I don't have to. It's none of your business." After a second, he added, "I told you that you didn't have to babysit me."
"I'll stop babysitting you when you stop acting like a child, Sasu-chan."
Sasuke wished very much that the thing that he was currently feeling in his chest was hatred, but…he was an expert on that emotion, and what he was feeling wasn't as exhausting as hatred was, and neither was it all-consuming. It wasn't even boiling his blood. And the way that Kakashi was acting…it certainly looked like he'd been traumatized when Sasuke jumped in front of his chidori. There was no other reason why Kakashi continued to insist on being so annoying; Sasuke knew that the man wasn't enjoying acting like a distressed parent every second of every day.
And yet, he still needed to keep Kakashi happy because Sasuke had also acted like a stupid child in front of him.
"Just wanted to eat something," he mumbled, biting back a sigh.
Kakashi grabbed his bicep, pulling him in the direction of the hallway. Dragged him into his bedroom, but closed the door carefully, as if he was trying to keep Naruto from noticing. After the door was locked, he turned to stare at him. "Orochimaru wouldn't let you eat without passing out?"
Sasuke shifted his weight on his feet. He managed a glare, which just made Kakashi raise an eyebrow and tighten the hold on his bicep, still not painful, but noticeable. But anytime now, Naruto would notice and look for them, and Sasuke still–
He'd already told Naruto that he had to train hard, had to pass out, if he wanted to eat. Hadn't explained to him exactly why that was, and wasn't planning on doing so. "What do you think?" he asked.
"I'm not sure, that's why I'm asking, Sasuke," Kakashi responded, his tone flat.
He shrugged Kakashi's hold off of him, glaring. He cleared his throat, turning his attention to the ground. He just needed to keep Kakashi happy, that was all. "I didn't eat a lot, Orochimaru gave me food every week or so; otherwise, Kabuto just…" he rubbed his forearm. "Just an IV drip. It feels weird to eat now, that's all. It's nothing weird or bad," he sighed. "You try not eating more than eight times in 50 days and see how much food your stomach can hold afterwards."
"How did he train you?"
Sasuke narrowed his eyes at the question, keeping the rest of his expression empty. Until eventually, he shrugged, "are you looking for tips or something?"
Kakashi was clearly unimpressed with that answer, as he crossed his arms, staring at him. "Just to make sure I do the exact opposite, actually."
He rolled his eyes. "Just think back to the time you taught me the chidori. It was almost like that."
It was not quite like that at all, of course. Orochimaru never forced Sasuke to meditate and certainly didn't summon any dogs to help him relax. Kakashi never whipped him. Nor did he use him as a rag to wipe the floor.
This time, Kakashi squeezed his shoulder. For a second, it looked like he was going to say something, but then he stopped, and nudged him in the direction of the door again. Sasuke didn't need to be told twice, as quietly as he could, he opened the door, slipping outside of the bedroom, feeling Kakashi behind him. It didn't matter because Sasuke just made his way back to the table. There had been no progress on the drawing and Naruto was staring blankly in the direction of the kitchen, holding his pen midair.
Very carefully, Sasuke punched his shoulder. "Are you going to finish?" he asked, rubbing his own shoulder. At least he still punched hard. That was a win. For him.
But Naruto set the pen down, his hand flat on the table. "I'm going to scrub our hands clean to doodle there!" He sounded excited, though his eyes told a different story. His eyes said that he was exhausted and depressed.
Sasuke glanced down at his hands to avoid looking at him. The doodles from that first night back in Konoha remained there, fading, but there. Sometimes, the lines would grow darker again, as if Naruto took the time to trace over the drawings to prevent them from disappearing. Something tightened around his chest, and he rushed after Naruto, rather shamelessly preventing him from going to the bathroom, pushing him towards the bedroom instead. He grabbed his own pen, forgotten on his desk, forcing it into Naruto's hands.
"I'm sure you can find somewhere else to draw," he muttered, glaring as much as he could.
Naruto, though, apparently understood the message because he rolled his left sleeve up, slumped down on the floor, and began to doodle on his forearm. Sasuke walked to the bed, laying on his side. So what if he was resting on his left side, so his right arm was within view? Naruto certainly wouldn't notice that. And if he did, he wouldn't mention it.
There was…something that looked like an oversized fur ball on his skin, with two gigantic teeth and four, tiny legs.
"Are we going to train tomorrow, too?" Naruto asked, at least half of his attention clearly still on the fur ball.
He was exhausted, but he didn't want to be lazy, couldn't be lazy. Not again. So what if his brother killed Orochimaru? Sasuke killed him once, too. It hadn't matter. "What do you think, dumbass?" he heard himself ask. His throat was dry. But it was fine, because training with Naruto was good, something that was doable, that didn't give him a headache and didn't press down on his chest.
Naruto glanced up, there was a small smile on his face. This time, it did reach his eyes. "You know, tomorrow, I'll win again."
"You didn't win today."
"I did! You passed out before I did–"
"You were snoring before I even closed my eyes."
" And I woke up before you did, so that gives me extra points," Naruto finished, clearly delusional after not listening to a word that Sasuke said.
Sasuke slipped down the tree, until he sat on the ground, next to Naruto, who was laying on the ground, his arms behind his head, looking up at the sky. Naruto's hair was sticking to his forehead with sweat, much like his own bangs; Naruto even discarded the jacket an hour ago. For some reason, Sasuke had, apparently, never noticed that he wore chainmail under the jacket, which made him feel like an idiot.
Naruto's chest was rising and falling rapidly, but there was a smile on his face as he turned to look at him. "Aren't you hot?"
He was. But after spending so long without wearing a shirt, Sasuke liked the feel of the fabric covering as much skin as it could. He even began wearing turtlenecks again. He shook his head, feeling as the floor shifted with the motion. His body was exhausted, but the seven hours sparring with Naruto hadn't been enough to make him lose consciousness. Either he was getting stronger or eating every day was giving him enough energy to spar for hours.
"You know, I haven't trained this much in forever," Naruto said. "And ever since the nine tails' started to heal you, too, I feel like it heals more of my injuries. I can't remember, but I don't think before, you know," he waved in between them, his hand quickly dropping on the ground again, "us, that it would heal every single scratch on me."
"You're welcome," Sasuke said. Slowly, he pushed himself to a standing position, taking a step forward. He landed on his knees, next to Naruto. Not enough energy to keep training, enough energy to stay conscious. Wonderful.
Naruto turned on his side, then knelt down, too. Though, presumably, he did it on purpose. "Can I ask you something?"
"You already did," Sasuke said, swallowing a smirk. But the seconds dragged on; Naruto didn't move, didn't even breathe. It must be serious, then. Biting back a sigh, he nodded, "go ahead."
"Did it make it worse?" His voice was soft and his eyes were fixed on the ground.
"No," Sasuke said. He took a deep breath, "the only reason he didn't try to take over my body again was because of it. It piqued his interest enough not to kill me, and some of the injuries would have had a longer recovery time otherwise, but that wouldn't have meant that he'd let me rest in bed. Your chakra helped keep up with him." And without it, Sasuke would have had no reason to even stay alive during the worst times. "Why?"
"Just wondering," Naruto shrugged. He shifted back to a sitting position, pulling grass from the ground, "the Sharingan is supposed to be able to control it, you know, so–"
"What?"
Naruto blinked, stupidly, tilting his head to the side. "Your brother told me that when the demon attacked, you know," he lifted the shirt, resting his hand on top of his stomach, "and then got sealed in me, supposedly, it could be controlled with the Sharingan. Do you think that's why this happened to us?"
Sasuke felt foolish for not thinking that, like Kakashi, his brother was also having private conversations with Naruto. Sasuke had been gone for weeks, of course, they would have talked with each other. Obviously. There was nothing wrong with that. With some effort, he pushed whatever he was feeling down, away from his thoughts. "Maybe," he said. After a moment, he added, "I always assumed that it was karma for trying to kill you."
Naruto laid down again, keeping his eyes on him. "I forgive you, you know."
For some reason, something warm spread across his chest. Sasuke huffed, "I wasn't asking for your forgiveness."
"I know," Naruto said. "But I still want you to know that I forgive you. If that was the reason that this happened to us, I'm even glad you tried to kill me."
Sasuke wouldn't say it out loud because he wasn't an idiot, like other people, but if that had been the reason that this happened to them, he was glad that he failed to kill Naruto as well. He hadn't actually failed, if truth be told, because he could have killed him when Naruto was unconscious. But that was only for him to know. Biting back a sigh, he pushed himself to his feet again, and even managed to nudge Naruto's side with his foot. "Come on. I'm tired of Kakashi picking us up."
"I'm too tired not to have Kakashi-sensei pick us up," Naruto mumbled, but still extended his hand, whining softly, until Sasuke helped him up. "What are you going to feed me today?"
"Vegetables," Sasuke mumbled back.
Slowly, they made their way to the apartment. Sasuke spotted Kakashi tailing them, lingering on rooftops, moving as slowly as they were moving themselves, half of his attention on that purple book. He must have read it at least fifteen times by now. By the time they made it to the apartment, probably seventeen times. Still, Kakashi didn't come inside, didn't appear inside the kitchen with an annoying puff of smoke.
Biting back a sigh, Sasuke walked into the kitchen. But his thoughts remained occupied, with Naruto hovering behind him, peeking over his shoulder to watch him peel the vegetables. His presence was distracting enough to ignore the fact that he was cooking, again, for the fourth day in a row, despite the fact that he promised himself that he was never going to even step foot in a stupid kitchen again. But Naruto was babbling next to him, even pointing at things–roots that apparently he had never seen in his life, despite the fact that he spent years traveling the world; though he was with Jiraiya, who probably didn't stray from a… writer's diet. Naruto's presence was, thankfully, too distracting to pay attention to his own thoughts.
By the time that the food was done, Sasuke knew all about the sequel to the adventures of Princess Gale; apparently the shots from the real fights had made it to the movie. Sasuke did remember the director risking the crew's life for some cheap shots, but apparently the gamble paid off because the sequel to that sequel was in post-production.
When the food was done, Naruto took his plate to the table, taking a seat. Sasuke took his own, picking at the food until Naruto finished his food. Sasuke pushed the rest of his own food towards him, ignoring the way Naruto stared at him. Sasuke ate at least a quarter of it already, and he hadn't passed out today.
Still, he opened his mouth the four times that Naruto brought the chopsticks up to his face, so Naruto didn't have a reason to keep being annoying.
After, he let Naruto drag him to his apartment and sat down to watch the sequel, despite the fact that Naruto told him the entire plot already. Naruto offered him some chocolate covered cookies, but Sasuke wasn't stupid enough to accept them, even if they were from the store. That wasn't the point. Besides, Naruto ate them in a blink of an eye, probably happy that Sasuke hadn't taken a single one. When the movie ended, Naruto asked him if he wanted to go visit Iruka-sensei with him, but Sasuke very much did not want to do that. It was late, anyway. They'd spent more than half of the day sparring, and then eating, the movie–it was night.
With a wave, Naruto jumped onto the nearest roof. But instead of jumping on the roofs himself, Sasuke walked downstairs.
He almost crashed into Sakura, who was carrying an enormous stack of textbooks, so she at least had an excuse. She peeked from behind the stack, her eyes widening, and then hardening when she spotted him. She opened her mouth, probably to yell at him for knocking her out the last time they were in the same place together, but he beat her to it.
"Naruto just left."
If possible, the glare intensified. "I have a key," she said. It looked like she wanted to say more things, her mouth opening and closing three times, but without another word, she continued upstairs, towards Naruto's apartment.
Sasuke turned, watching as she slipped her hand into her pocket, pulling out a key. It slipped inside the doorknob, and turned, and she pushed the door open, disappearing into the apartment.
Maybe everyone had keys to everyone's apartment.
Maybe Sasuke was the weird one.
He walked past the Academy and the Hokage tower, across town, until he was standing in front of his apartment's door. Although it was late, his brother was probably still in the office, and Sasuke could take a shower, grab a change of clothes, and head over to Kakashi's apartment, or back to Naruto's, before Itachi made it home.
It wasn't anything bad. Sasuke...just couldn't even think about facing his brother after turning in that dammed mission report.
Gently, he pushed the door open, slipping inside.
He halted.
Kakashi and Itachi were on the floor, two scrolls sprawled in front of them. Itachi's hands were covering his face and Kakashi was patting his back, presumably trying to be soothing. No, clearly, Sasuke wasn't the weird one. He tried to back away, but Kakashi's eyes landed on him, and a second later, his brother's did as well. Neither of them looked as embarrassed as any reasonable person should look like, though. His brother made sense, of course, because his expression was always unflappable, but Kakashi should look a little embarrassed.
"What are you guys doing?" he asked, biting back a sigh and taking a closer look at the scrolls. Just a list of names. Some of whom he recognized, such as Anko's and Ibiki's. Other ones were entirely meaningless to him.
"Looking through our Chunin and Jonin forces," Itachi responded. It was Sasuke's imagination, but his brother sounded upset.
Carefully, Sasuke took a seat in front of them. Neither of them told him to leave, nor made an attempt to pull the scrolls away. Why would they? This was public information. The only thing that was classified was Anbu's membership. Besides, he hadn't seen his brother since he delivered the mission report–entirely due to bad luck, obviously, it's not like Sasuke was purposely avoiding him–and this seemed a relatively harmless way to interact with Itachi again. He pulled the scrolls closer to him. Obviously, Sasuke always knew that Konoha's numbers were low, but now that he was looking at the quantity of Jonin registered, it was commendable that they'd survived a Sound invasion. Frankly, also pathetic that Orochimaru failed. At that point in time, he'd had the Sand's support, too, which made it even more pathetic.
The list of Chunin was considerably longer, but nothing to write home about, either. All of the rookies from his year, except for Naruto and himself, were there. Which was just a little pathetic because they had three years to become Jonin. Especially considering the fact that all of them, except for Sakura, were from a prominent clan, with special jutsu.
Sasuke pushed the scrolls towards his brother, who continued to look upset, and Kakashi, who continued to pat his brother's shoulder.
"You can't ask who wants to be promoted and train them to be promoted?"
Itachi…sighed. Out loud. "It's not so much who wants to be promoted as much as it is who wants to be promoted and also become a Genin team leader and who would be good at it. The list shrinks considerably under those conditions."
It would be heartless to suggest that they scrape the idea of Jonin instructors altogether, wouldn't it? It would be. It was important for Genin to have an instructor, who could make sure they didn't die…while painting someone's fence. Although, to be fair, Team 7 would be dead if Kakashi hadn't been there during that escorting mission. Though, he did get captured like an idiot. And actually, Sasuke had practically been dead–he would have died if that masked guy had been more inclined to stick…needles in lethal points. Sasuke rubbed his shoulder, carefully taking a deep breath through his nose.
"Well yeah, who wants to babysit stupid Genin?" he asked. Kakashi and Itachi gave him a matching, flat expression. It did wonders to forget the sheer number of needles that had pierced him. Made it easier to breathe, too.
"Admittedly, not many people, currently," Itachi said. He turned to Kakashi, "we could increase the pay." Something in the way that Itachi looked at Kakashi made him look ten years younger. As if the stress marks were practically disappearing from his face.
Sasuke had to turn his attention back to the scrolls, for a moment. When he looked up, there was a faint smile on his brother's face.
"If that's the case, I'll throw in my name to the list of candidates," Kakashi said, a clear smile underneath the mask.
Something told Sasuke that Itachi and he had the same look on their faces now. Sasuke resisted the urge to cross his arms, but then Kakashi chuckled softly, and he crossed his arms. His brother was probably unimpressed for different reasons. "Who'd want you as their babysitter?"
Kakashi looked at him, in the way that he'd been looking at him for the past nights, everytime that Sasuke showed up to his apartment to sleep, so that he wouldn't risk running into his brother, and Sasuke offered a glare, and Kakashi, thankfully, swallowed the incoming Sasu-chan comment.
"It's not a bad idea," Kakashi said, instead. "I can't think of a single Jounin who doesn't like having a Genin team. It's only terribly annoying before being assigned a squad and before they are passed. Afterwards, being a Jounin instructor to a bunch of adorable miscreants is the greatest joy an elite shinobi can experience."
Obviously, there was a joke in there somewhere. But Sasuke didn't mention anything because his brother found it funny enough to actually huff out a quiet laugh. It was a fraction of a second, but it was nice to hear.
"Can't the Hokage just volunteer them?" he asked.
Itachi sighed, again, out loud. Kakashi patted his shoulder again. Disconcerting. Sasuke, thankfully, had enough sense not to glare, though, because that would be...something.
"It would be nice not to have to do that," Itachi replied.
A lot of things would be nice. It didn't mean that they were going to happen, or even that they should happen. Sasuke thought that his brother knew that better than anyone. Apparently not, though.
"Besides, there is still a certain lack of people who could be good teachers," Itachi said.
"Being a good teacher was never a qualification before," Sasuke mumbled under his breath.
For the record, he wasn't even talking about Kakashi. But Anko had been Orochimaru's student, and how did the Third ever decide that Orochimaru would be a good teacher? Even if Orochimaru had been pretending to be civilized and to care for the village, he branded Anko with the curse mark. Did she never say anything to anyone? Or did the Third wave that off because Orochimaru was his student? Although, to be fair, Orochimaru was a good teacher. Even now, judging by the list of Chunin with all his classmates' names there, Sasuke would have never gotten to be as strong as he was if he stayed in Konoha.
"It should be," Itachi said. There was a sigh somewhere in there.
Sasuke stood up. They were running a Hidden Village, not an academy. At the end of the day, the only thing the Jonin instructors had to do was make sure that children weren't killed, could last long enough to become killers themselves. Nothing he would tell his brother, though. "Shower," he said, instead, disappearing down the hallway.
After the shower, Sasuke made his way to his bedroom. The emptiness swallowed him, but when he glanced back over his shoulder, no one was there and the door was too far away. So was the pen on his desk, where Naruto left it this morning. It would be far too pathetic to reach for it and tell Naruto to come over, though. Chances are that Kakashi was in the living room, with his brother, so there was no point in going to his apartment. Besides, he'd already seen his brother, so there was no reason to show up there anymore.
With a sigh, he dragged his body to the bed, pulling the blankets over him, all the way to his chin, enough to cover his mouth. It was late, and he needed to rest, if he was going to drag his butt to the training grounds tomorrow.
The peeled faces hovered over him. His throat burned. He jerked awake, panting as his lungs struggled to pull in air. The room had the shade of red that indicated his Sharingan was activated, but there was no way to stop the chakra from flowing into his eyes. He felt the bed dipped, a hand on his back, more delicate than Kakashi's hand should have felt.
"Otouto–"
Itachi .
"It was just a dream."
There were small circles on his back. His throat burned. So did his eyes. Sasuke dug his nails into his upper thigh, until his brain worked and reminded him that yes, Naruto would feel the burning as well. He stopped then, even as the Sharingan continued to refuse to deactivate, so he had to keep his eyes staring at the window, with the curtains drawn shut, no sign of sunlight filtering through, just to avoid looking at his brother and the concern that must be on his face.
He cleared his throat; it must have been ripped from some screams, but there was thankfully, no sign that he'd summoned a chidori. "Sorry for disturbing you, nii-san. It won't happen again," his voice cracked, but at least he managed to drag the apology out of him.
The hand on his back froze. Sasuke shut his eyes, feeling as his chest tightened. His brother brushed his bangs back. When he opened his eyes, the Sharingan remained activated, and behind the curtain, there were faces without eyes watching him.
"Kakashi's in the living room," Itachi said, his voice soft, one hand still brushing his little brother's bangs back, the other one, holding Sasuke's right wrist, no doubt checking his pulse. "Do you want him to come instead?"
No . No . No . But something hot pricked at his eyes and Sasuke couldn't have his brother watch that. Slowly, he nodded, doing his best to ignore as something heavy pressed down harder against his lungs, and punishing hotness spread up to his nose, and his throat. He clenched his jaw, willing the stupid tears from spilling over, as his brother squeezed his shoulder, and left the bedroom, leaving the door slightly ajar.
Less than ten seconds later, there were footsteps, the sound of the door closing. Sasuke glanced in that direction, the Sharingan there, burning the image of Kakashi with slightly frazzled hair, as if he'd been pulling on it, his mask lower than it normally was, almost to the tip of his nose.
Without a word, Sasuke scooted to the other side of the bed, leaving enough space for Kakashi to sit down, which he did, just as he was fixing his mask. A hand went to his back, and…it was easier to deactivate the Sharingan then. The motion, however, seemed to force the wetness down his cheeks, but it had been about a week now, that he cried almost every night, and the embarrassment had long been replaced with the familiar self-hatred that lingered everywhere he went.
"Did you see anything new?" Kakashi asked, softly, as if he, too, feared someone was eavesdropping outside.
Sasuke shook his head. He wiped his face, but it was a losing battle. One that required more energy than he had, currently. His breath shuddered, but he ignored it in favor of laying down on his side, his back to the window. "Why are you here?"
"Your brother told me to come," Kakashi replied. Much like his brother had done, he brushed the bangs back. "Do you want your brother back?"
If truth be told, Sasuke didn't exactly want either of them. He'd prefer it if he wasn't pathetic and wasn't scared of closing his eyes and could stop remembering the prisoners he couldn't help and the ones he'd run down with a chidori like they were disposable trash. He pulled his knees up to his chest, burying his face in them, just as he'd done for days, months, years, after his family was sliced down. Except back then, there was never a hand on his back.
When his shoulders were tired of shaking, and his face was dry, he peeked up. "I mean, why didn't you go home?"
"Oh," Kakashi paused for a second. "Itachi was going to show me some stars."
"What?" he asked, rather stupidly.
Kakashi rubbed the back of his neck. "Apparently, there's perfect stargazing conditions tonight. There's not a single cloud and no wind."
Sasuke narrowed his eyes. "Are you two exchanging hobbies now? You're not going to give him that book to read, are you?"
"Only if he asks."
" Even if he asks," Sasuke muttered. "He's the Hokage, he can't be seen reading those things."
Kakashi hummed, sounding like he agreed. "Do you want to join us?"
"I'm not reading those books, Kakashi."
"Obviously, you're far too young," he said. It was funny that Kakashi thought Sasuke wasn't young enough to murder people, but too young to read about sex, but Sasuke kept that thought away from his face. "I meant, do you want to come and look at the stars with us?" Apparently, his expression was answer enough, because a second later, Kakashi was patting his shoulder. "It'll distract you."
Sasuke didn't need to be distracted, he just needed to slice his head open and scrub his brain clean. Which was, clearly, not an option for him. He was about to tell that to Kakashi, but the man was already dragging him from the fetal position to a sitting position, nudging him in the direction of the door.
"Does–does it look like I cried?"
The nudging stopped, replaced by a light squeeze on his right shoulder. "Itachi said you were crying in your sleep."
Sasuke's heart skipped a beat. How far had he fallen that he didn't even realize when he was crying? It was…pathetic. "Did–did I say anything?"
"I'm not sure. If you did, he didn't mention that part." Kakashi's voice was soft.
Something was tightening around his neck, pressing down on his chest. He tried to stop himself, but his body moved forward, hiding his face on Kakashi's torso. He chewed on his lower lip to distract his mind from the fact that he was crying, again, on Kakashi's shirt. If he said anything in his sleep, even mumbled something, even moved his lips in silent words, then–then Itachi knew exactly what his little brother had done under Orochimaru's orders. A sob escaped through his lips. He bit down harder, until he tasted metal, until Naruto's chakra patched him up, even tried to move away, to at least use a pillow, but his body refused to move an inch.
Pathetic .
Minutes later, he finally managed to move away, carefully keeping his face down. Rather stupidly, he reached out to clean, or attempt to clean, Kakashi's shirt, wet with tears that he should have never even seen. The apology caught in his throat. But he cleared it regardless, ignoring the familiar burning. "I don't know what's wrong with me," he mumbled, his shoulders slouching forward.
"Nothing's wrong with you–"
"I'm even more of a crybaby than Sakura was when we were twelve."
"There were plenty of reasons for her to cry back then, just as there are more than enough reasons for you to cry now, Sasuke. This is your body's way of telling you that it's hurting and it needs you to listen to it. Trying to power through isn't going to help, you know that, don't you?"
"Shinobi don't cry."
"We certainly try not to, until–"
"My brother doesn't cry."
"In front of you."
Sasuke wiped his face. If he allowed a moment to think about it, he remembered Itachi crying afterwards, when he turned rogue. He'd always assumed that he remembered something wrong, but now that he thought about it, really thought about it, it must have been real. He wasn't sure what to do with that new information, though. "Have you seen him cry?" he asked, softly.
"I'm his advisor, Sasuke."
"Is that supposed to be a 'yes'?"
Kakashi crouched down, presumably to be able to stare at him. If he was less dignified, Sasuke would have turned to look at something else, anything else, but he managed to stay put. "He loves you and watched everything that happened to Naruto while you were with Orochimaru; of course I saw him shed some tears. Does that make you think he's weak?"
"Of course not."
"Then why would you think he thinks that of you?"
"I don't think that," he said. Kakashi stood up, and Sasuke's eyes followed, staring up at him. "He's already seen me cry." The night of the massacre, Sasuke hadn't stopped crying until he passed out. "But I…" he trailed off as chakra rushed to his eyes. "I murdered people because Orochimaru ordered me to do it, and I–"
"You didn't have a choice."
He drew in a shaky breath. "There's always a choice." His life would be easier if there were no choices, but he knew there was, always. Just as he chose to abandon the village to join Orochimaru the first time, and then chose to offer himself up as a peace treaty the second time, there were always choices. The problem was that he always, always , chose wrong. Every single thing in his life had been the wrong choice and the most pathetic thing was that he should be used to the consequences of his choices, but evidently, he was not. "I just chose wrong, like I always do."
"What happened before he ordered you to kill them?"
Sasuke stared up at him, the Sharingan activated, opening and closing his mouth like an idiot, until Kakashi grabbed him by the back of his head, nudging him forward. He tried punching him, but the only thing he managed was to grab his Jounin vest in a death grip, while more stupid tears fell, and Kakashi ran his fingers through his hair.
"Sasuke?"
Somehow, he managed to shake his head, the grip he had on Kakashi tightening, despite his best effort to move away from him, biting down on his lip to prevent the stupid sounds again, even as his shoulders shook. His whole body was fucking vibrating and it was as stupid as it sounded, but he couldn't stop.
Until it did.
Until he did.
Kakashi must have felt it, too, because, slowly, he moved backwards, until Sasuke's hands released him, and they fell on his lap, and Kakashi's hand was no longer holding the back of his head.
Sasuke pulled the sleeves over his hand and wiped his face. He tried to glare at Kakashi, but it must have looked pretty pathetic because his expression softened even more. "I hate you."
"I know." Kakashi grabbed his bicep, pulling him up, clearly unbothered by the comment. It was probably over-exposure to it, but no matter how many times Sasuke said it, he meant it; he hated Kakashi so much, hated the way that he made Sasuke act, like it was safe or smart to act this way. "You can hate me even more under the stars, come on."
"I can't even look at–"
"You're not going to look at your brother, you're going to be looking at the stars." With a bit more force, Kakashi pushed him towards the door. "That's what stargazing is, Sasu-chan."
Sasuke glared, but Kakashi's grip was unrelenting, still not painful, but there , around his bicep, and it was easier to follow him to the bathroom than to keep digging his heels on the ground. Kakashi hovered by the bathroom door while Sasuke washed his face, dutifully ignoring the way that his Sharingan remained activated, despite his best efforts to stop the chakra. It was fine. It was whatever. He accepted the towel that Kakashi handed him, and ignored the nudge in the middle of his shoulder blade as they walked towards the living room.
His brother was pacing. But he stopped, presumably as he felt Sasuke's and Kakashi's presence. By some miracle, Sasuke managed to deactivate the Sharingan before Itachi turned to look at him, clearly worried, clearly upset, clearly every other negative emotion that Sasuke was desperately trying to keep his brother from feeling. If it hadn't been for Kakashi's hand, firm and flat on his back, he would have turned around and left the apartment.
"We're ready to enjoy some stars, Itachi."
There was a faint smile on his face for a brief second. "The sky remains cloudless," he said, moving to put on his sandals. "We should be able to see the drum star clearly tonight."
Sasuke hesitated for a moment, but there was a nudge again, and he followed his brother outside. He jumped on the roof, landing next to Itachi, whose attention was already in the sky above. Kakashi landed next to him. A hand on his shoulder…inspired Sasuke to sit down next to his brother, leaning back on the roof to stare up. Indeed, there were no clouds to obstruct the view, and the village's lights weren't strong enough to dim the stars.
Itachi was talking about the drum star, and Sasuke tried his best to pay attention, but at some point in between the drum star's coordinates and the lack of higher-ranked shinobi, Sasuke fell asleep.
He woke up on his bed, the covers up to his nose. No chidori in his hand. His face was, thankfully, dried, and his throat didn't burn. Good for him.
"Good morning!"
Sasuke glanced at the direction of the door. Naruto was laying on the ground, holding his pen in one hand, the other one supporting his chin. There was a piece of paper in front of him. Sasuke hummed in response and climbed out of bed. He made it, before he walked over Naruto to shower. When he returned to the bedroom, changed, and his hair half-dried, Naruto remained there.
"Are you ready to train?" he asked, though half of his attention remained on the paper. It looked like he was drawing a cat, slightly bigger than the one he usually drew, with more whiskers and fur sticking up. The cat had a scar down his left eye.
"No, I have plans."
That made the pen stop, made Naruto turn to look at him, a frown on his face. "What kind of plans?"
For some stupid reason, Sasuke felt his cheeks growing warmer. "None of your business. Don't follow me, either."
"But–"
"If you follow me, I'm never going to make you food again or train with you or let you draw on us."
"But–"
But Sasuke didn't wait for Naruto to finish the objection. He jumped out of the window, to the nearest roof. After making sure his chakra was cloaked, and double checking that Naruto wasn't following him around–and neither was Kakashi for that matter, he made his way to the Hokage's tower. He spent the morning hidden in a tree, watching as the Academy students ran through their shuriken practice and then sparred with each other.
Maybe it was the trauma, but Sasuke didn't think his attacks were that weak when he was their age. Only five kids could throw a kunai straight , let alone hit the target at the post.
Why was his brother even stressed about Jounin instructors when the students weren't ready to become Genin anyway? It wasn't lost on him that he remained a Genin, obviously, but that was due to his life choices, not his lack of ability. When the students filed inside, he moved to a closer tree, watching as Iruka-sensei ushered them to take a seat and take out their notebooks.
They seemed to listen well enough, though Sasuke spotted three students asleep at their desk. Iruka-sensei did throw chalk in their direction and they looked guilty enough that apparently, they were only tasked with cleaning the chalkboard and wiping the tables at the end of the day.
Sasuke jumped onto the Hokage's roof, walking down until he was crouching on the ledge of it. No, he wasn't spying on his brother, he just couldn't show up in the middle of an important meeting. For the record, though, they should really consider closing the windows during important meetings. Eventually, it ended, and his brother stuck his head out the window, motioning for him to get inside.
"Was it Anbu?" Sasuke asked, taking the liberty to close the windows himself.
"No," his brother responded. "The–"
"Your personal guards can't tell when someone is hovering close enough to kill you?"
"You're not here to kill me, Sasuke," Itachi responded. "But that still does not give you the privilege to eavesdrop."
"If you don't want people eavesdropping, why did you leave the window open?"
Itachi raised an eyebrow, "because you're the only person who would even think to eavesdrop. Even Naruto-kun wouldn't do that. There's a certain…decorum in this place that should be followed, regardless of whether or not it's warranted."
Something in the back of his mind told him that it was a compliment, but Itachi's face told him the exact opposite. In fact, it very much looked and sounded like Itachi was scolding him. He bit back a sigh, "I wasn't eavesdropping. Just waiting for you to be free."
"You couldn't wait outside of the door?"
"No," Sasuke said. He could have, but he hadn't and he wasn't planning on doing it in the future, either. He didn't like looking at the Anbu hovering outside of the Hokage's door. "Are you free right now?" He glanced around the office. "Where's Kakashi?"
"Running some errands for me," Itachi said, softly. "I'm free right now. Why?"
"The Academy students are pathetic," he said, ignoring the way his brother narrowed his eyes. "Even if you found enough Jounin senseis, what good are they if the students can't even throw shuriken?"
"Did you look at the upcoming graduating students, or the ones who just started out?"
"Does it matter?" Sasuke shrugged. "They should still be able to throw shuriken. I could throw them fine when I was seven, at the start of the Academy."
Itachi tilted his head to the side, clearly thinking about something. Whatever it was, it unsettled Sasuke's stomach. "You were the son of a clan head, Sasuke. Of course you had your basic skills down, but not everyone has those expectations on them at that age. It doesn't mean they won't improve with time. Is this what you wanted to talk about?"
He shrugged. "You seemed stressed yesterday."
"You thought telling me that our Academy students being pathetic was going to…help decrease the stress?" he asked, raising an eyebrow.
"Shouldn't it? Just keep holding them back. They certainly need it."
Itachi closed his eyes, looking like he was counting to ten. "Is that all?"
"I'll take my leave now," Sasuke said. "Try not to stress too much for some kids that aren't ready to be sent out on missions, even if it's to catch a cat."
He left through the window, before his brother could respond, making his way back to the Academy. Even if he had seen the new students, the ones years away from graduation, who thought it was a good idea to even let children become Genin? They didn't even know how to walk on trees, much less water. Kakashi hadn't taught them how to walk on trees until after they were attacked by Zabuza, who was deadly enough to make the Village Hidden in the Mist change their graduation exam. And that had been Kakashi , who Sasuke absolutely thought was pathetic, obviously, but most people thought he was deadly. What would happen if a rookie team was sent on a misclassified mission with a less-than-stellar Jounin sensei, and they all ended up dead ?
Supposedly, the Bell Test would send the unqualified shinobi back to the Academy for more practice and maturity, but a stupid test to see if the potential Genin could be a team was not going to save them on a deadly mission.
Not that any of that was his own problem, but…Itachi had seemed stressed, more than he should, and Sasuke was his brother.
Maybe he should make him dinner tonight. It was dark enough to be dinner time.
Sasuke made his way to the marketplace, but before he could decide what he wanted to grab, an Anbu appeared in front of him. A summon to the Hokage's office. His stomach coiled tightly, having been the first time he was summoned through an Anbu, but without a word, he turned around and headed there. Just like earlier in the day, he went in through the window, which, again, was wide open.
"Where's Kakashi?" he asked.
"Continuing to run some errands for me," Itachi responded. He set his pen down, moving the small stack of papers to the edge of the desk, placing the hat on top of them. "I'm assigning you a new post."
"A mission?"
Itachi paused. "A permanent mission, so to speak."
Maybe next time Sasuke wanted to talk to his brother about stressful situations at work, he would do a better job remembering that his brother was, by all accounts, his boss , who could send him away if he grew annoyed enough, clearly as he had in their earlier conversation. Obviously, Sasuke hadn't been assigned a mission since returning from…the last one, but it felt foolish to have thought that he'd never been assigned one again. Stupidly, it felt too soon, still. Nothing he'd let his brother know, much less while he was sitting behind the Hokage's desk, though.
"What is it?" he asked, keeping his voice steady.
"Before I tell you, Sasuke, it's important that you understand that I'm not trying to punish you, or make your life more difficult than it has to be, or that it is already."
"That–that doesn't exactly inspire confidence," Sasuke said. He was already fighting the urge to activate the Sharingan. How did Orochimaru come back to life ? Kakashi said that they tracked down anyone with a curse mark and killed them. He said that Guy stomped on Kabuto's slimy face and that his brother killed Orochimaru. Itachi said that he killed Orochimaru. And Sasuke, like the idiot that he continued to be, had believed everything, had even figured that his brother would have done a better job at killing Orochimaru than he had, but apparently–
"I'm assigning you to the Academy."
" What ?"
"I talked to Iruka-sensei and he said that he'd be happy to have you as an assistant instructor in their staff, starting tomorrow."
"Are you…joking?"
"No."
Of course not, his brother didn't crack jokes. Sasuke took a deep breath. "How is this not a punishment?"
"I think it'll be good for you and–"
"Like you know what's good for me!" Sasuke snapped his jaw shut when his mind registered the words he dared uttered to his nii-san , the person who gave everything up to keep him safe. Somehow, Itachi's blank expression made it worse, made Sasuke more rotten than he already was. Why the fuck would he even dare think that? Let alone say it out loud? In front of his brother? He was such a fucking asshole. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean that, obviously, you know that, right? That was uncalled for and wrong. I–"
"It's okay, Sasuke," Itachi said, his voice soft and kind, because he was, despite everything, sweet enough to let it go. "I didn't get a chance to finish the rest of the explanation. Do you mind?"
He shook his head, mumbling, "I don't mind." But he kept his attention fixed on the ground.
"The thought of having you train students in essential shinobi skills makes me genuinely less stressed. I think you'll be good at it."
"You…do know that Orochimaru was my teacher, right?" he asked, barely above a whisper, half-hoping that his brother hadn't heard his question, half-hoping that he had because it seemed like an important thing to be aware of before assigning Sasuke to be a babysitter for a bunch of little kids.
Sasuke heard the chair scraping across the floor, presumably as Itachi pushed it backwards, heard his brother's light footsteps approaching him. There was a hand on his shoulder. A slight squeeze. He looked up. Which was a mistake because his brother had the same smile on his face that he had whenever he picked him up from the Academy.
"Give it two weeks, Sasuke. If you hate it, I'll put you at the top of the list of shinobi who should never interact with Genin."
"I'm a Genin."
"Iruka-sensei is well-aware of that. He doesn't mind." There was another squeeze on his shoulder, lighter this time, accompanied with another smile. "Will you give it a try?"
How was he supposed to say ' no '? Itachi had even said that it would make him feel less, for whatever reason, and even if it was an outrageous lie, his brother still took the time and energy to lie to him. Biting back a sigh, he replied, "of course. I'll do my best. Do you think Iruka-sensei is still at the Academy?"
Itachi nodded. "He said he'd wait there until ten in case you wanted to talk to him."
"I'll see you later. If you wait for me, I'll make dinner, otherwise, you might need to stop somewhere."
"I'll pick something up on the way back."
With that, Sasuke nodded. This time, he walked out through the door, past the Anbu who had met him in the marketplace. He took the stairs, walked down hallways, and some more stairs, until he was at the entrance of his old classroom. Even if his brother said it wasn't a punishment…it felt like a punishment, or at the very least, retribution for opening his mouth and criticizing a bunch of seven-year-olds.
Biting back a sigh, he knocked once, and then gently, slowly, slid the door open. Iruka-sensei was sitting on a student's desk, a pile of papers in front of him. Tests, judging by the red pen he was twirling in his hand. By the time that Sasuke stepped inside, he was looking up. There was a smile on his face that, for some reason, looked exactly like the smile Naruto had everytime he even thought about eating ramen.
"Hokage-sama said you might stop by. How are you?"
Despite his best effort, he walked closer. Someone had just gotten everything except two questions wrong. Iruka-sensei clearly had a talent for deciphering scribbles on paper, though. Sasuke couldn't even read the name of the kid. "Fine. Thank you for waiting." He watched as Iruka-sensei shuffled the papers. "My brother said you were…happy to have me as an assistant instructor starting tomorrow. Are…you sure?"
Iruka-sensei chuckled. It didn't sound mocking or amused, it sounded…nice. Happy. "Of course I'm sure. You were the best rookie in your graduating class. Students won't find out until tomorrow morning, but I know they'll be thrilled to learn from you, Sasuke."
Being the best rookie of the year didn't mean someone was going to be a good teacher , but Sasuke kept that carefully from his face. "How would you like me to help?"
Iruka-sensei handed him a paper. It had pictures of toddlers and their names. "You'll be working with me. I teach the second year students," he pointed at the paper. Sasuke activated the Sharingan, so at least he could know their names. "They're starting to realize that being a shinobi takes a lot of work and skill, and as you can see," Iruka-sensei flipped through the papers. Nothing higher than a six out of ten. "They are rapidly losing motivation. I think tomorrow, we'll forego the theoretical lessons and opt to stay outside for some sparring, throwing practice, and ninjutsu practice. I assume they'll want to show off their skills to you."
"Right," Sasuke said, setting the paper with the pictures and names back on his desk, deactivating the Sharingan. "Do you need me to prepare anything before tomorrow?"
"No. I think tomorrow you'll get a better feel for the students." Iruka-sensei picked up the stack of papers. "Just have a cool jutsu ready to show when they deliberately ask to see the coolest jutsu you know."
"Right," he said again. This was actually happening, uh? Whatever his brother needed, he supposed. "What time should I be here?"
"Seven in the morning, please."
Sasuke nodded. And then, took his leave. Somehow, resisted the urge to flee the village again, and instead, simply went back to their apartment.