"This might not be a dream," Erwin repeated for the tenth time.
He created a sizeable trench on the path he circled.
"But it makes no sense? Still, I see, hear, and feel it all, it should make sense. But it does not!"
His body acted on its own, free from his indecisive mind, trying to warm itself, eyes searching for a spot to escape, ears open for threat or help.
Over time, as he stayed in place and tried to understand what had just happened, the forest's cold began to affect Erwin more and more.
His fingers numbed, and his nose turned red from the windburn.
"Just relax, and think," he told himself, "I need a calm mind to make decisions."
Erwin took a deep breath. The air was cold enough to burn through his throat and lungs as he surveyed his surroundings.
"Giant trees spread densely across the uneven forest floor. They have too many branches, and their trunks are too wide. I don't know this species."
"The ground is half-frozen, not muddy, but slippery. Snow hides all vegetation."
"The wind is strong and cold, but the weather is clear. For now, at least."
"Now, what do I have on me?"
He patted down his jacket, his hands moving through all the pockets.
"My pocket knife, lighter, half a pack of cigarettes, some emergency medication, wallet, phone... Phone?"
Erwin hastened his movements, patting all his pockets.
"Damn it. Maybe I dropped it."
Quickly, he crouched down on his knees and began to swipe the snow away.
"Not here. Not there."
Even when the cold started to hurt his hands, he kept going and going.
Once desperate enough, he got up and kicked the snow under his feet, moving a larger and larger mass. "Please, be here." And repeated the act until he lost his breath.
"Only dead grass and mud…"
His face was already burning from the cold, his unkempt beard freezing as he mumbled. The phone was important, but so was not freezing to death.
"Need some shelter," he looked at his hands, their changing color. "I need to find it fast."
So he grabbed a couple of rocks and set them down where he was. "I must return as soon as I can."
With the nearby forest as his only option, Erwin closed in on the nearest tree, inspecting its trunk to find where its moss grew. It wasn't a sure method, but he tried to make an educated guess looking at his surroundings. "North could be there; the sun moved down, so south must be there."
Roughly determining his cardinal directions, Erwin went into the forest.
Snow crunched with each step, and a small cloud of mist formed before his face with every breath.
Every once in a while, he pulled his hands before his breath to give them some warmth before he quickly put them in his pockets.
It didn't help as much as he had hoped.
But he kept walking; it provided at least enough warmth to survive as he reached deeper into the forest.
"At least the trees help with the wind."
Step by step, he dived deeper into the forest; the trees didn't change, and the ground was mostly flat.
Soon enough, he stumbled on something promising. A small hill, covered in snow and moss, with a cave entrance on its side.
It even had a small, half-circular opening with some small bushes and moss clumps peeking from the snow before it.
Erwin slowly made his way into the cave. Painkillers had started to wear off. His leg ached, feeling a strong bite from within, like in the morning, followed by a headache.
He gritted his teeth and ignored it for the moment.
Once near the cave's entrance, Erwin crouched down, gripping his knees to endure the pain; his stomach struck with nausea.
His teeth almost pierced his lips, but he held on, breathing heavily through his mouth to keep it under control.
Only after the attack passed did he manage to return to the task at hand.
"No smell… And no signs of animal activity."
He slowly made his way inside, using a ledge on the cave entrance to get up.
Once inside, he could do nothing but smile. "It's large, even has air circulation." The entrance led into a single, circular room, protected from the elements and warmer than outside.
As he approached the darker corners of the cave, Erwin used his lighter, taking a tour around them.
"There is plenty of oxygen even deep here." Erwin put the lighter back in his pocket, grabbing it with one hand to savor what warmth remained on it.
As he did, he limped toward a wall, using it for support. "Just… just need a moment's rest."
He clenched his fists and gritted his teeth. Even his eyes teared as he endured. "The pain. Damned pain."
It hurt even to stand, but he was afraid.
Afraid to fall and not get back up.
"I need some warmth. A fire, even a small one, to last me for a short break."
His eyes slid to the cave entrance; there was little vegetation, only a sparse number of dead bushes. "They should suffice as fuel."
With his pocket knife in hand, he stepped outside, feeling the change in temperature on his first step.
But he had work to do, and thankfully, a tool to do it.
His knife had a well-maintained blade, half straight and half serrated.
Using the serrated part, he sawed the stem. It took some effort, but once cut halfway through, Erwin easily snapped the remaining body and removed the wood.
The first bush was near the cave, so he just threw it at the entrance and moved to the second, repeating the act.
His body warmed a little more with the labor.
It wasn't enough to fend off the sharp cold, but it slowed its grasp.
Once he decided his body was tired enough, Erwin turned back to the cave, dragging the bushes with him.
"Should last me for a bit, maybe not for a day, but enough to warm the place to a liveable temperature, and let me survive the night."
He made a circle with rocks he had gathered around the cave to make sure that once the fire was alive, it kept excess heat to warm the place further, then put the wood inside and lit it.
Using a little opening between two rocks, he fanned the fire with his breath until it grew large enough.
Erwin fell asleep to the whistles of the wind and crackling of the fire before him, feeling the warmth on his body.
*****
***
**
*
Erwin opened his eyes.
He wasn't in that forest.
"Ah."
But he would prefer it to his current situation.
"Yet another dream," he muttered as he took a step forward, the wooden flooring creaked under his steps. "But this is a first. To open my eyes not in the field of battle but in my childhood home."
Stone walls covered in a damp, yellow wallpaper, a wooden floor hidden under a red floor rug.
On his left, an endless number of windows, and on his right, a cold wall.
"Let's just end this." He began to walk. Yet, no matter how much time had passed, the room was the same. A seemingly endless loop, only broken by a once-in-a-while addition.
A wooden door was that addition. A well-cared-for, darkish brown, and always slightly open door. It let out only some light and warmth, just enough lure for a peek inside.
Erwin ignored it the first few times but decided to open it afterward.
"Why did you go there!"
A young woman's voice echoed out from the room.
Erwin, still holding the handle of the half-open door, froze.
"Don't you know he is to be left alone by order of the head maid?" She added.
"I-I didn't know." Another woman, presumably younger, spoke with a thinner voice. "But why?"
"That child is cursed, cursed I say! He not only killed the madam, but he stole all emotion from Mister Blade!"
Erwin slammed the door shut.
"So… this is today's nightmare."
Her words hurt him. Maybe not as much as thirty years ago, but they still did.
"He killed the madam." While these words still echoed inside his mind, Erwin opened the next door he encountered.
To a warm kitchen, oak wood counters, marble tabletops, and an old-timey stove in the corner.
On one of the kitchen tops, a small girl sat. She was about nine or ten years old. Her curly blonde hair almost reached her back.
"Sister," Erwin mumbled.
Hair of his mother, eyes of his father, Erwin could never mistake her for someone else.
"But he looked sad." Erwin's sister talked to an older woman, a maid who worked in their house.
The maid had a tempered, well-built body. Years of work earned every single gray hair on her head.
"Because, sweetie, I don't want his curse to get on you."
Her voice was calm and sweet.
"Is he really?"
"Yes, he is." The old maid stood straight. "Look at him, he carries only misery when you only bring happiness."
"But how do you know-"
"The hair and eyes! Black hair and brown eyes; no one had these two features together since him. He already took your mother. Don't approach him, or he might hurt you as well."
Erwin once wanted to barge in, scream, and attack the woman.
He couldn't count how many nights he cried, lamenting himself.
How many times he almost gouged his eyes out, cut his hair.
"Her and her superstitions that poisoned my siblings. And that damned bastard who was supposed to be my father watched from the corner, never stopping her."
Still gritting his teeth, Erwin slammed this door as well.
"This isn't right." He took a breath as deep as he possibly could, and exhaled.
His anger turned into annoyance, then to pity. "Superstitious, ignorant, hateful. What a waste of that human brain."
He took one last glance at the door and turned back to the corridor.
"Let's get this over with."
But this time, no door appeared.
It didn't matter how fast he walked; even when he ran, he never advanced, not even a centimeter.
"Let me out already!" He screamed.
He listened for an answer.
But none came.
Though he heard footsteps.
They came from the front.
Erwin began moving once more. And with each of his steps, the footsteps got louder and louder. The floor tiles under him squeaked, the doors opening with creaks.
Till, void suddenly embraced the corridor.
And at that moment, Erwin opened his eyes.
For a split second, he saw moonlight reflecting from a blade descending upon him.
Without a single thought, his body rolled away.
He trampled through the ashes and embers of the campfire, burning his skin and clothes.
But he was too numbed and shocked to notice any of it.
"Who are you!" Erwin shouted as he got back up, stumbling away as he did.
The figure before him didn't answer.
It looked like a human, but Erwin had a hard time seeing what his attacker looked like because of the moon's position.
"Are you not going to answer?" Erwin shouted once more.
But instead of answering, the humanoid figure just charged forward, swinging its weapon.
Erwin dodged this attack as well and managed to get at least a glimpse of the weapon.
"A hatchet, old, rusty."
The invader's slow movements let Erwin take in his surroundings.
"A wall on my back, entrance to my right, and an open space to my left. No one else is here either."
His eyes then turned back to his attacker.
It slowly approached him, its steps carried little weight, if not for the creaks and rattles it made.
Erwin started closing the distance as well.
His pupils bounced between the hatchet and the figure's legs.
Once he decided the moment was satisfactory enough, he charged in.
The figure slashed down with the weapon.
Erwin moved sideways to dodge it; the rusted edge passed his shoulder by only an inch.
As soon as he regained his balance, he charged in for a tackle, slamming the attacker down with his body weight.
They hit the ground and slid forward into a patch illuminated by the moonlight.
His already hurting legs burned. "Tsch!" But he tried his best to act despite it.
He grabbed the hatchet's handle and pushed the attacker's chest down with his free arm.
"Now," Erwin took a deep breath, the sting getting stronger with each of his moves. "I got you-" His eyes widened as his body froze in place.
All of his instincts, millions of years of evolution, screamed for him to run.
If not for his battle-tested discipline, he would have listened.
"A- A skeleton!" He shouted out loud, unable to control himself.
The monster, now under him, was struggling to escape, trying to push Erwin and claw him with his bony fingers.
Grotesque, alien, terrifying, but it was still an enemy.
An enemy he suspected his mind to be the maker of, and one he needed to end.
"I must be hallucinating; there is no other explanation."
Erwin pulled the hatchet away from the skeleton's hand.
"I saw corpses of my friends awake and judge me. I drowned in my blood, haunted by the vengeful spirits of the innocent. A single skeleton is but a gift from this fucked mind of mine."
Erwin raised the hatchet and turned it around, its flat side now aimed at the monster's skull.
"I am done with it all."
He landed the first strike, taking a moment to breathe before he pulled the weapon from the caved bones.
"All these nightmares."
He struck once more, hatchet buried deep into the skull.
Chipped bone pieces scattered with the impact.
Larger shards fell around as Erwin pulled it back.
"All these hallucinations."
He struck again, this time with its edge and using a greater might. The hatchet split the skull into two and sent sharp bones flying across the cave.
He felt the impact; he felt the strain on his muscles.
But it didn't stop there; it went further, cracking the back of the bone structure and reaching the cold, dry cave floor.
Once the skeleton stopped struggling, Erwin let the hatchet go and closed his eyes.
He waited, and waited.
To open his eyes in his bed, to go through his morning routine.
But it didn't happen. He knew, deep down, everything was far too real.
And when he woke up. The same bone fragments, same cave, same forest.