Erwin opened his eyes to an abyss.
An infinite empty plane with no light in sight.
On his nose, a smell of blood and gunpowder.
"Again with this…"
Instinctively, he started walking forward, his feet finding somewhere to step on the nothingness.
The more he walked, the stronger the smell became.
Soon, it turned into a pungent rot.
Unbearable, it would make most people run away, holding their breath. If not, it would make them puke on the spot.
And the weather was hot as a sunny desert noon.
Rays of light appearing from nowhere hit Erwin's body, burning exposed skin.
But he didn't stop.
"I know it will be just here." He mumbled again and again.
Till a patch of sand appeared in the distance.
Illuminated by a non-existent sun.
At the sand patch, a deceased body lay, fully wrapped in repurposed tent fabric.
Erwin approached the body, only to stop a couple of steps away from it. The smell was as strong as it could get, but he held himself.
He saluted the body, keeping his stance, chest puffed out, eyes straight ahead.
Inside, he timed a minute, stood still through it, then relaxed.
"I greet Private First Class, Machine Gunner Rafael Paralez."
"Same size, same blood-soaked digital desert camouflage pattern on your makeshift cerement."
"Hello, friend." Erwin smiled.
"You found me at a bad time, but don't you worry." Erwin approached the body and lifted it carefully.
"These worn legs of mine will always have the strength to join you on your last trip."
He began walking forward, a dead body in his arms.
"That's the least I can do to repay."
While walking, a memory flashed in his head.
Something sorrowful, unsavory.
Erwin tried to shake it off, but it kept coming back.
Forcefully reminded him of its existence.
A young soldier sat next to him inside their trench, breathing heavily as bullets whizzed above them.
He was wounded, one leg requiring amputation from infected bullet holes, and one arm broken.
Caught in an ambush because they were basically forced into an enemy position with barely any intel or reason other than their Major General wanted to be first to enter this location, not to give glory to his rival.
"Foolish bastard, his soul be damned." Erwin gritted his teeth.
"Captain." A weak voice rose next to him.
"I think I can make some noise-" The soldier coughed blood. "I can make them think all of you are still here."
"And for what?" Erwin asked. "We are outnumbered five to one, with no alternative position nearby."
"I know." The wounded soldier looked at his hand, stained with a mix of blood and mucus. "This is no place to take your last breath, but..."
"But what? Answer, Private Paralez."
Paralez smiled. "My mother…" He took a moment to breathe. "She lost three sons, never got to see their bodies." He put one hand on the ground. Using it as a support to get up.
Once he stood, he lifted his machine gun and placed it over the cover, tripod on the concrete wall.
"Please come back here, and if I am still here, bring me back to mama; my eyes won't close truly without her farewell. So, live for me, captain, till you do this one favor for me, and after."
And as his sentence ended, a loud thunk echoed as Paralez released the pulled charging handle.
***
"Here we arrived." Erwin stood before a grave in a grassy, green graveyard.
A single oakwood coffin with a velvet interior and a single silver cross inside. Open, it waited for its owner before their final destination.
Surrounding him were shades, silhouettes that resembled humans.
They whispered and moved around him. Their looks were judgmental, filled with a variety of emotions.
Erwin ignored them and gently placed the body of his comrade in the coffin before stepping back.
Shades, watching from a distance, moved in, lifted the coffin, placed it in the grave, and began covering it with soil.
"Goodbye." Erwin closed his eyes and gave one last salute.
His eyes closed, he waited. The shades' whispers turned louder and louder until they disappeared.
Only then did he open his eyes, now back to the abyss.
"Weird. It is rare for me not to wake after the first nightmare."
"But is it really a nightmare?" A snickering, low voice whispered to his ear.
"Who are you?-" Erwin quickly turned around. "What?" His eyes widened as more abyss greeted him.
But this time, the abyss stared back.
"The blood on your hand." It answered.
And the nothingness that stood before him was now covered in skeletons and deceased bodies.
Civilians, caught in war and massacred, soldiers who died under his command, and the enemies he killed.
They leaped at him, grabbing his limbs, trying to pull him down.
Erwin couldn't move, couldn't act.
"Monster... you are a monster! Don't call yourself innocent, don't tell me just because you didn't directly pull the trigger, your actions didn't cause the death of innocents."
"I trusted you, captain. Believed in your words, believed you would keep me alive. Why did you betray my loyalty and trust?"
"You took my life with your hands, not even thinking about whether I was a human as well. Had I not had a family, had I not had dreams?"
Their hands clawed through his skin, pulling him down into the abyss he once stood above.
But among them, one figure stood out. Standing sharp, supporting his weight on a wooden cane, decorated with a single silver stud at the center.
"Are you just going to watch, let it all consume you?" The figure asked, his voice old but carrying authority.
He walked closer, each step echoing loudly into the abyss.
"Did you soften during the time I was absent? Did the venoms they spewed never truly leave your mind?"
Erwin remembered the voice.
And, with it, he managed to move his head a little, just enough to see the wrinkled old man.
"Grandfather…" Erwin managed to speak.
"Indeed, I am your grandfather." Grandfather raised his cane and slammed it on the ground, scattering the ghosts of the dead away. "Hush! Let me talk to my grandson."
"Grandfather, but how?"
The old man smiled. "What a nasty place you found yourself in. Didn't I tell you, if you ever felt down, to come to the forest?"
"You did, but." Erwin couldn't speak.
"I know it, kid. It's hard. To live with the guilt. Mistakes you can never fix. But it's no time for you to drown in your sorrows."
Erwin looked at himself, his body slowly leaving the abyss that was swallowing him like quicksand.
"Then, what should I do?"
"Close your eyes." His grandfather spoke. "Then follow my voice, let's go back into the forest, where you'll be able to think straight."
Erwin nodded and did as told.
Once his eyes closed, the abyss, which had surrounded him for so long, became clearer and turned into a path.
A path paved by his grandfather's words.
So, he walked and walked.
With each step, his body felt colder, and the air became clearer.
Until he once again stood before the gigantic trees and the snowy forest floor.
Something inside him told him he could finally open his eyes and return to reality.
But Erwin didn't.
"What are you waiting for, you brat? Just leave this place already." His grandfather spoke.
"Grandfather…" Words didn't come to his tongue. He wanted to ask so many things, but he had nothing to ask. "Will I see you again, like this, I mean?"
Erwin's grandfather smiled. "I don't know. If I had that kind of foresight, I would have raised my trash of a son to be a better father than me."
He then turned around. "But I really don't know. Maybe one day, we will meet again, and, till then, beat your demons, kid, overcome your guilt, and don't accept the mistakes you did not make."
"I will try."
"Go break a leg."
Erwin opened his eyes.
He was back in the real world. "Finally, escaped from that fucked up place." On his knees, just meters away from the walls.
Erwin felt something on his mouth, a foul smell, and a salty taste.
He looked at his hands; before him, the body of a small critter, a fox of sorts, half-eaten, teeth marks still on its bleeding flesh.
On the spot, he dropped the body, spitting whatever was inside his mouth, almost puking.
Erwin looked dumbfounded. "Where did..." He tried to stomach the taste of the raw flesh, his eyes tearing from straining himself not to puke. "Where did this come from?"
Then his eyes glanced at his hands, soaked in blood.
"Wha- what…?"
["Please, calm."]
Crystal words appeared once more.
["I will explain all to you, right now."]