As the carriage wheels rolled over the familiar cobblestone road beyond Axel's gates, carrying that familiar mixture of earth and wheat beer in the air, the group finally returned to the town known as the starting point for newbies, despite being packed with all kinds of oddballs.
The first thing Kōichi did was contact the professionals in Axel who operated in the gray areas.
Over the next few days, Kōichi, Kazuma, and Aqua, whose face practically screamed, "I don't want to work, I just want to drink," gradually converted the treasures they had "purified" from Alderp's basement, along with the various conspicuous goods they had brought back from the Royal Capital, into cash through Wiz's Magical Item Shoppe and several underground merchant guilds.
Wiz herself spent the entire time tearfully protesting that handling goods of such dubious origin would get her arrested by the Knights' Order, but Kōichi forcibly persuaded her with the excuse that it was all for the sake of saving the world.
When the final crate of gold coins was stacked inside their somewhat makeshift base in Axel, which was actually just a private room on the second floor of a tavern, everyone was nearly blinded by the glittering golden light.
"A-and with the reward from the royal family, plus everything we made from selling those tainted items... Kōichi, are you done calculating yet? Just how much money do we have now?!"
Kazuma's hands trembled as he worked the abacus so furiously that the beads nearly started throwing sparks.
Kōichi set down the sheet of scrap paper covered in complicated figures and money-laundering routes, a wickedly satisfied smile curling across his face.
"After deducting Wiz's commission, the money we used to grease the palms of the city gate guards, and the cost of all the expensive booze Aqua secretly drank over the past few days... our total liquid assets currently come to roughly 240 million Eris."
240 million!
The room instantly fell deathly silent.
Then cheers loud enough to blow the roof off erupted all at once.
"Hurrah!! I'm filthy rich!! I'm going to buy the biggest mansion in town! Then I'm building a fountain in the courtyard that automatically sprays Nero Wine twenty-four hours a day!!"
Aqua rolled around excitedly on the carpet, completely abandoning all dignity as a Goddess. She even started trying to bathe in the gold coins.
"Hehe... hehehe... The Succubus Shop... I'm going to hire every Succubus there and have them weave the finest harem dreams for me every single night..."
Kazuma let out a spine-chilling laugh. The light had completely vanished from his eyes as he sank into his shameless fantasies.
Megumin, meanwhile, hugged her staff tightly and stared at the pile of gold with unwavering determination.
"Kōichi, I'm going to buy every expensive catalyst that can amplify the power of Explosion magic! I'm going to turn my [Explosion] into true art!"
Only Darkness remained seated off to the side, watching her companions succumb completely to the corrupting influence of money as she muttered with a flushed face.
"Even with this much money, I still can't buy the pleasure of being ravaged by a powerful monster...? But perhaps I could use it to buy some extremely expensive equipment specifically designed for torture... Ngh! No, I can't keep thinking about this!"
Kōichi stood up and clapped his hands, drawing everyone's attention back to him.
He looked at his companions, whose souls had already been thoroughly corrupted by money to the point that they were practically hallucinating, and let out a deep sigh.
If he kept all 240 million Eris under his own control, he could certainly become the Party's de facto dictator. He might even be able to use money to coax Aqua into performing all sorts of difficult party tricks at banquets.
But the trouble that came with it would undoubtedly be catastrophic.
Aqua would spend twenty-four hours a day clinging to his leg with a miserable expression and begging him for drinking money. Kazuma would constantly stare at him with that dark look that clearly said, "This bastard is definitely skimming money off the top." Megumin might even start casting Explosion Magic outside his door every day in protest because she could not afford expensive magical catalysts.
For the sake of his hard-earned peace and quiet, and to avoid getting stabbed in the back by this bunch of disasters while he slept, Kōichi decided to take the safest possible approach.
"All right, calm down! Listen carefully. Even though I'm technically the one managing this money, I have no intention of keeping it all for myself."
Kōichi smacked the table hard enough to jolt Aqua out of the pile of gold coins.
"For the sake of fairness, and so all of you can pursue your own useless dreams, I've decided we're splitting the assets equally."
Kazuma, who had been grinning like an idiot just moments ago, immediately looked up, his eyes becoming considerably clearer.
"E-equal shares? Kōichi, are you serious? You didn't catch something from Aqua that messed with your brain, did you?"
"I'm serious."
Kōichi gave him a saintly smile, though to Kazuma it looked full of calculated cunning.
"We'll set aside 40 million Eris as a common fund for repairing and renovating the mansion. That leaves 200 million, which we'll divide equally among the five of us. Forty million each. You can spend your share however you want. Buy booze, indulge in dreams, blow up mountains, buy torture devices. I don't care. But in exchange, from now on, you pay for your own expenses. Don't even think about asking me for one coin more!"
"F-forty million?!"
Aqua let out a scream loud enough to shatter glass.
She threw herself around Kōichi's waist, tears streaming down her face and snot running from her nose.
"Kōichi! You're my true god! No, you're the one and only saint of the Axis Order! I hereby declare that from this day forward, you're my favorite believer! Hurry up and give me the money! I'm going to buy that legendary bottle of red wine that's been soaked in dragon's blood!"
"Forty million..."
Megumin's small face turned bright red. She clutched her cloak tightly, her voice trembling.
"With that much money, I could even commission a staff made from the heartwood of a thousand-year-old tree... Kōichi, as our leader, you really do occasionally shine with such heroic brilliance that it's almost impossible to look directly at you."
Darkness, meanwhile, fidgeted with her fingers in obvious conflict.
"Forty million... If I donated all of it to the church, then lived a miserable life without enough food while being relentlessly pursued by creditors... Ngh! That would be the ultimate reward!"
Kazuma was the most practical of them all.
He immediately pulled a small notebook from inside his clothes and began scribbling furiously.
"Forty million... The highest-grade service at the Succubus Shop costs fifty thousand. I could go there for eight hundred days straight... No. I'm going to invest it. I'll make my money earn more money. I'm going to become the underground emperor of Axel!"
Kōichi looked at the group, each harboring their own ridiculous schemes, and sneered inwardly.
Giving them the money was simply the price of buying himself some peace and quiet.
More importantly, considering this bunch's intelligence and luck, there was no way that money would stay in their hands for very long.
The moment Kōichi declared the division of the spoils complete, the hero Party that had still barely resembled a single unit immediately fell apart.
Aqua shot out like a bolt of blue lightning, clutching the enormous check to her chest as she charged straight for Axel's most expensive wine shop, letting out idiotic "hehehe" giggles the entire way.
Kazuma wore an expression of solemn reverence, as though he were on his way to participate in some sacred ceremony. In reality, his feet were carrying him at remarkable speed toward that pink-tinged paradise for men hidden away in one of the town's darker corners.
Megumin rushed toward the blacksmith's shop while chanting over-the-top lines about destruction and wealth.
And Darkness, wearing an expression of tragic determination almost worthy of a martyr, headed toward Eris Cathedral.
She was probably going there to ask how she could legally bankrupt herself and descend into complete poverty.
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