Where did I go wrong?
What did I calculate incorrectly?
How did it come to this?
Why couldn't I fix us?
Why couldn't I change the outcome?
Why did I lose her?....
As I stood there in the bathroom basking beneath the shower as the cold water soaked into my very soul... I stood there lifeless...
I have lost everything, once again. Despite trying my utmost best to the fullest of my capability... I was yet again unable to hold on to the person I was in love with... Leaving wasn't the issue...
Losing them emotionally and spiritually was.
Regardless, the outcome was already made... The page was already written and most off all... Our hearts were forever ripped apart...
Only the heavens know if we can ever be mended back together again..
As I stood in the bathroom, my heart was still hurting, my chest was still tightening and most of all, the pain was still growing as my tears got drowned out by the shower...
All I could do was one last thing for the one I love, regardless if I was the worst person of all time or a demon... I could do one last act of good will..
I could pray..
That I did, in my own way.
" Hi God, sorry it seem I pray or talk to you when I'm always mostly at my lowest... Honestly... I have done it again.. I broke the one most precious to me..."
" Like honestly, what have I done in my precious lives to deserve this... Why do I always hurt those most precious to me.. The one's I love the most.. Is it I am really not deserving of love.. or is it I just don't know how to love.. should I have stayed away... I don't know anymore.."
"Regardless, I just have one thing to ask of you.. please Give Lorelei blessings and Protection, let her find happiness again and can be whole again even after I broken her.. She deserves to be love and feel loved.."
" Give her health, strength, wisdom, understanding and most of all prosperity.."
" Give her guidance and the ability to see what is real from what is fake.. and I pray and hope on her travels and long journey she stay safe and well.. "
" That's all I ask for the girl I love.. and I hope she knows she isn't alone.. even if my journey along side her has come to a end, let her feel my love from a distance where ever her journey may take her.. even if it's in silence... I will always love and care for her.."
" So that's all I ask lord.. "
As I ended my short prayer, I couldn't help my body from giving way as I kneel down in the shower basking in the cold water as I cried myself to comfort.
Trying to wash my pain, my own heart break, and most of all my previous self away...
Whisper in my ear was the voice of my most troublesome inner demon, Chaos...
" It will be fine... This was a nice little dream... Now it's time for you to wake up... Master..."
Trying to breathe slowly and stop crying I node my head and tried pulling myself together as I looked at the bath tiles coldly with eyes all red with hidden tears..
"Ok then... No More Dreaming..."