Kenji's morning had started with a protein shake and a decent pace. It ended with him questioning the fundamental laws of physics and his own sanity.
He was currently sprinting down the suburban sidewalk, his lungs burning, but not from the exercise. A sphere of pure, blinding white light was hovering six feet behind him, chasing him like a heat-seeking missile made of bleach.
"What the fuck?! Get away from me!" Kenji yelled, his sneakers slapping the pavement at a frantic rhythm. He pulled a sharp U-turn around a mailbox, hoping the light had the turning radius of a semi-truck. It did not. It drifted around the corner with the grace of a professional figure skater.
'Is this a prank? A drone? Am I having a stroke?'
"It won't stop! It won't stop following me!" he screamed at a confused elderly woman watering her petunias. He tried to hop a picket fence, but as he reached the apex of his jump, the light surged forward with a hum that vibrated in his teeth.
"Oh, you've got to be shitting m—"
The light swallowed him whole.
Kenji opened his eyes. Or at least, he thought he did. Everything was pitch black, save for a single, ornate gold chair sitting a few yards away. In it sat a woman who looked like she'd been filtered through a thousand beauty apps. She was glowing—not "good skincare" glowing, but "hazardous levels of radiation" glowing.
"Kenji Sato," she said, her voice echoing like it was being played through cathedral speakers. "I have chosen you."
Kenji didn't stand up. He stayed on the ground, crab-crawling backward. "I'm dead. That's it. I got killed by a giant light bulb. I'm getting isekaied like those fucking novels? Am I in a goddamn web novel right now?"
The Goddess tilted her head, looking amused. "You are in the Presence. And yes, you are being moved to a new world. Aethelgard."
"Aethelgard? That sounds like a generic RPG starter town!" Kenji scrambled to his feet, waving his arms around. "Listen, lady, I don't want to be a hero. I don't want to save a princess. I have a gym membership I haven't used enough to justify the monthly fee yet. Send me back."
"I don't want a hero," the Goddess interrupted. Her smile turned a little sharper, a little less 'holy.' "Aethelgard is boring. The heroes are arrogant, the kingdoms are stagnant, and 'Good' has become a suffocating blanket. I'm bored, Kenji. I want a villain. A real one."
Kenji stopped pacing. "A villain? You kidnapped me from my jog to make me a bad guy because you're bored?"
"Precisely. I want you to go down there and break their perfect little peace. Be the shadow they can't ignore."
'This crazy bitch is serious.'
Kenji looked at his hands. A faint, wispy black smoke was starting to coil around his fingers, feeling cold and heavy, like liquid lead under his skin. It felt powerful. It felt dangerous.
"What the fuck is even going on?" Kenji muttered, his fear slowly being overtaken by a sharp, jagged spark of irritation. "You want a villain? Fine. If I'm stuck in this shithole, I'm doing it my way. Don't expect me to follow some script."
The Goddess grinned, and before he could ask what "his way" actually meant, the floor vanished.
"Good," she whispered. "Make them regret ever being born."
Kenji plummeted into the darkness, the heavy power in his veins screaming for a target.
As Kenji plummeted, the wind began to howl in his ears, but he realized he wasn't actually moving—the "floor" was just a conceptual suggestion that had been rudely retracted. He was suspended in a swirling vortex of gold and violet light, looking up at the Goddess who was rapidly shrinking into a glowing speck.
"Wait! Hold on!" Kenji flailed his arms, his shout echoing through the void. "If I'm being forced into this 'Villain' gig, don't I get a starter pack? Where's the OP system? The blue screens? The 'Ding' sound that makes me a god by Level 10? You can't just drop me in a shithole without a menu!"
The Goddess paused, her form flickering like a lagging video feed. She looked genuinely surprised, as if she hadn't expected the "Villain" to negotiate his benefits package mid-fall.
"A... system?" her voice boomed, though it sounded more like a confused hum now. "You want a list of instructions? I thought you said you didn't want a script."
"I don't want a script, I want an edge!" Kenji yelled back, feeling the gravity finally start to win. "Every novel I've ever read has some cheat code system! If I'm going up against 'Holy' kingdoms and 'Arrogant' heroes, I need a UI! Give me the screens! Give me the stats!"
A look of mild realization crossed her radiant face. "Ah. The mortal obsession with quantification. Very well. If it helps you spread the chaos I crave, I shall grant you a lens to view your new reality."
She snapped her fingers—a sound like a thunderclap—and a sharp, agonizing sting pierced Kenji's retina.
[SYSTEM INITIALIZING...]
A translucent, blood-red window flickered into existence inches from his nose, tracking his movement perfectly as he tumbled through the atmosphere.
[VILLAIN SYSTEM ACTIVATED]
[HOST: KENJI SATO]
[CURRENT RANK: SEED OF CALAMITY]
[OBJECTIVE: SURVIVE THE DROP]
"There! Was that so hard?!" Kenji shouted, though his victory was short-lived as the clouds below him parted to reveal a very solid-looking forest rushing up to meet him. "Wait, wait, wait—does the system have a 'No Fall Damage' perk? Hey! Goddess! Does this thing have a—"
The Goddess's laughter was the last thing he heard before he slammed through the canopy of a massive oak tree.