The first time I realized something was wrong with me…
I was seventeen.
---
It didn't happen suddenly.
There was no moment where everything changed.
No warning.
No clear line I crossed.
---
It was slow.
Quiet.
Dangerous.
---
Just like him.
---
"Master Kai, your breakfast is ready."
The maid's voice pulled me out of my thoughts.
I blinked, staring at my reflection in the mirror.
Seventeen.
Older.
Taller.
Different.
---
But not enough.
---
"Coming," I replied calmly.
My voice didn't shake.
It never did anymore.
---
I adjusted my tie, smoothing out the collar of my uniform.
Everything about me had changed over the years.
The boy who once sat on the street, cold and forgotten…
Was gone.
---
Now, I was someone people looked at.
Respected.
Even feared.
---
But none of that mattered.
Not really.
---
Because no matter how much I changed—
There was one thing that never did.
---
Him.
---
Adrian Vale.
---
He was still the same.
Untouchable.
Distant.
Perfect.
---
And still…
So far away.
---
I walked downstairs, my steps steady, controlled.
The mansion was as quiet as always.
Too quiet.
---
Until I heard voices.
---
"…I told you, Adrian, you work too much."
A woman's voice.
Soft.
Familiar.
---
I stopped.
Just before entering the dining room.
---
"…It's necessary."
His voice.
Calm.
Unbothered.
---
My fingers tightened slightly.
---
"She smiled. "You always say that."
---
I stepped inside.
---
And there she was.
---
Elena.
---
Sitting across from him.
Comfortable.
Close.
Like she belonged there.
---
Something in my chest twisted.
---
"Kai," Adrian said, noticing me immediately.
---
His eyes met mine.
For a brief second—
They softened.
---
Or maybe I imagined it.
---
"Good morning."
---
I nodded slightly.
"Good morning."
---
My gaze shifted to her.
---
She was beautiful.
Of course she was.
People like him didn't choose anything less.
---
"Elena," Adrian said, "this is Kai."
---
"I've heard about you," she smiled.
Warm.
Too warm.
---
"I see," I replied politely.
---
She studied me.
Carefully.
Like she was trying to understand something.
---
I didn't like that.
---
"Sit," Adrian said.
---
I did.
Across from them.
---
The distance felt wrong.
---
Too far.
---
The conversation continued.
Light.
Easy.
---
Between them.
---
I stayed quiet.
Listening.
Watching.
---
Noticing things I shouldn't.
---
The way she leaned closer.
The way she smiled at him.
The way he didn't push her away.
---
My appetite disappeared.
---
"…Kai?"
---
I looked up.
Adrian was watching me.
---
"You're not eating."
---
"I'm not hungry."
---
A pause.
---
"You should still eat."
---
I nodded.
Picked up my fork.
Forced myself to take a bite.
---
It tasted like nothing.
---
"Adrian," Elena said softly, "you didn't tell me he was this handsome."
---
I froze.
---
Then smiled.
Polite.
Empty.
---
"Thank you."
---
"I mean it," she continued. "You must have a lot of admirers."
---
"I'm not interested."
---
The answer came too quickly.
Too cold.
---
Her eyebrows lifted slightly.
---
Adrian glanced at me.
---
"Focus on your studies," he said.
---
Of course.
That was his answer to everything.
---
"I always do."
---
Silence followed.
---
Something had shifted.
---
I didn't like it.
---
After breakfast, I left first.
---
I couldn't stay there.
Not with her.
Not with the way she looked at him.
---
Or the way he didn't stop her.
---
The entire day felt off.
---
At school, people talked.
Laughed.
Lived.
---
I ignored all of it.
---
Until—
"Hey, Kai!"
---
I stopped walking.
---
A girl ran up to me.
Smiling.
Bright.
---
"I've been trying to talk to you all week!"
---
I stared at her.
Trying to remember her name.
---
"…Do I know you?"
---
She laughed awkwardly.
"Ouch. That hurts. I'm Lina. Same class?"
---
"Right."
---
"I was wondering if you'd like to—"
---
"No."
---
Her smile froze.
---
"…I didn't even finish."
---
"You don't need to."
---
I walked past her.
---
I didn't have time for things like that.
For people like that.
---
None of them mattered.
---
Only one person did.
---
And that was the problem.
---
When I got home, the first thing I noticed—
Was her shoes.
---
Still there.
---
My mood darkened instantly.
---
I walked inside.
Slowly.
Quietly.
---
Their voices came from the living room.
---
"…You should take a break, Adrian."
---
"I'm fine."
---
"You always say that."
---
I stepped in.
---
They were sitting closer this time.
---
Too close.
---
His arm rested on the back of the couch.
Near her.
---
Something snapped.
Just slightly.
---
"I'm back."
---
They both looked at me.
---
"Welcome back," Adrian said.
---
Elena smiled.
Again.
---
"I didn't realize you'd be home so early."
---
"I always come back at this time."
---
She blinked.
---
Adrian noticed.
---
But said nothing.
---
"Have you eaten?" he asked.
---
"Yes."
---
A lie.
---
"I'll be in my room."
---
I turned to leave.
---
"Kai."
---
I stopped.
---
"…Yes?"
---
"Come here."
---
My chest tightened.
---
I walked back.
---
Slowly.
---
He stood up.
Moved closer.
---
Too close.
---
For a moment, neither of us spoke.
---
Then—
He reached out.
---
His fingers brushed my collar.
Adjusting it.
---
"It's crooked."
---
My breath hitched.
---
It was such a small touch.
So normal.
So meaningless.
---
But it felt like everything.
---
"There," he said.
---
His hand lingered for a second.
Then dropped.
---
"Go rest."
---
"…Okay."
---
I turned.
Walked away.
---
But my heart wouldn't calm down.
---
Not after that.
---
Not after him.
---
That night, I couldn't sleep.
---
I lay in bed, staring at the ceiling.
---
Thinking.
Overthinking.
---
About him.
About her.
About the way I felt.
---
It wasn't right.
I knew that.
---
This wasn't normal.
---
He wasn't just someone I respected.
Or admired.
Or was grateful to.
---
No.
---
It was something else.
Something worse.
---
Something I shouldn't feel.
---
I closed my eyes.
Tightly.
---
But all I could see—
Was him.
---
The way he looked.
The way he spoke.
The way he touched me.
---
And the way he looked at her.
---
My chest tightened painfully.
---
"…Stop."
I whispered.
---
But it didn't stop.
---
It only got worse.
---
Because deep down—
I already knew.
---
I wasn't jealous because I cared.
---
I was jealous because—
---
I wanted him.
---
Silence filled the room.
---
Heavy.
Dangerous.
---
I sat up slowly.
My hands clenched into fists.
---
"…This is wrong."
---
But even as I said it—
I didn't believe it.
---
Because if it was wrong…
---
Why did it feel so real?
---
So strong?
---
So impossible to ignore?
---
I stood up.
Walked to the window.
---
The city lights glowed in the distance.
Cold.
Distant.
---
Just like him.
---
"…Adrian."
---
His name slipped from my lips without permission.
---
Soft.
Possessive.
---
And that's when I realized—
---
This wasn't just a feeling anymore.
---
It was becoming something else.
---
Something deeper.
---
Something darker.
---
Something I wouldn't be able to stop.
No matter how hard I tried.
And maybe…
I didn't want to.