"Hey, Charlie? Are you sure this is the best place to get dinner?" Pim asked, unable to hide his concern.
"No, but it's the only place open at this time." Charlie replied, clearly just as unhappy.
As Charlie made his way into the McDonald's, Pim gently held the hand of Amelia, their current client. Amelia was a victim of domestic abuse and Pim wanted nothing more than to help her through this traumatic experience. Even if it's just helping to put a smile on her face.
"I'm sorry we couldn't take you somewhere nicer, but this is all that's available."
"It's- It's ok." Amelia spluttered while blushing a little. "I'm honestly just happy you guys are willing to take me out to eat this late."
Hearing this made Pim feel a bit more confident in their quick dinner plan. Though, he still felt kinda crappy that the first meal they were providing her was about to be McDonald's.
"You deserve something nice, but I wish we could give you something better than…" He glanced over at the McDonald's. "This…"
"No no, please don't feel like you're doing anything wrong. I mean, at least it isn't Burger King."
Pim chuckled. "I don't think Mr. Boss would ever forgive us if we took you to a Burger King."
Amelia started laughing, which caused Pim to laugh along with her. It was the first time she laughed since they had met, and the progress already being made warmed his heart.
As the two were enjoying themselves, Charlie stepped outside. "Hey I hate to cut this short, but we should probably get in and out of here as quickly as possible. This spot attracts a lot of weird people, and I'd rather we don't stick around long enough to meet any of them."
Pim looked at Amelia. "He's right, we could accidentally get caught up in some, uh, 'awkward' stuff. If you get what I mean."
"I get what you mean, my family is filled with 'weird' people." She confessed, unable to hide her shame.
"...I know how you feel, my family is also filled with 'weird' people." Pim revealed.
The two sympathetically stared at each other for a moment, before entering the McDonald's with Charlie. As they did, he couldn't help but notice Pim was trying to hide his blushing face from Amelia. Charlie found it kinda funny and even cute, as she was doing the same with Pim.
Inside, the McDonald's was nothing special. Two dead inside-looking teenage women worked the front counter, one White and the other Chinese, while an older-looking fat man laid drunkenly unconscious on a table in the corner. All and all, a pretty typical night at McDonald's.
Charlie led the way up to the counter while looking over the menu. He already knew what he wanted, but figured it was still worth a look.
"I'm thinking a Big Mac® sounds good right now." He looked back to Pim and Amelia. "What about you two?"
"Chicken McNuggets®." They both answered in unison.
The two looked at each other, pleasantly surprised. More so Amelia.
"Pim, you're the first person I've met who gets McNuggets® by themselves. Everyone else in my life always told me it was a childish thing to do."
"Same here." Pim replied. "Heck, Charlie's the only one that's never made fun of me for getting them."
"Chicken McNuggets® are amazing dude." Charlie chimed in. "I Don't get why people think it's weird to get them as an adult. It's not like the rest of the food here-"
"Uhhmmm, are you going to order?" The White woman asked in an annoyed valley girl tone.
"Yeah, like, there are other people who want to be served!" The Chinese woman added, not looking up from her cell phone.
Charlie looked around the nearly empty McDonald's. "What other people? You mean that dude sleeping on the table?"
"Speaking of that other gentleman." Pim chimed in. "Is he ok?"
The White woman rolled her eyes, while the Chinese one let out a long exaggerated sigh. "Yeah, he's fine. We just got sick of him bossing us around, so we spiked his beer with some cleaning alcohol."
The three stared at them in disbelief, with Pim and Amelia being left speechless.
"So uhh, are you SURE he's ok?" Charlie inquisitively asked.
"Oh my god! We know what we're doing!" The Chinese woman defensively yelled.
"Yeah, this isn't the first time we've done this to him! Like, being the manager doesn't give him any right to tell us what to do!" The White one added.
Charlie decided to drop it. After all, he didn't feel like dealing with another death at a fast food place.
"You know what, I have complete faith in you two and don't at all believe you may have killed your boss… So uhh, can we order our food now?"
"I don't know, CAN YOU?!" The White woman mockingly asked.
Charlie held back the urge to call her out on her terrible service. "... *sigh* Ok, here's what we want."
He ordered his Big Mac® and ordered the Chicken McNuggets® for Pim and Amelia. They couldn't do it themselves since, well, they were still in shock from the cruel act the two women performed on their manager. Especially over such a selfish reason.
"Alright, we'll have your food out soon. Find a place to sit and we'll bring it out." The Chinese women explained while giving them each large beverage cups.
As they watched the two disappear, Charlie suddenly realized something. "Wait, dammit! I forgot to tell them these are to go!"
"It's ok Charlie." Pim began to comfort. "It won't take long for us to eat our food here."
"Yeah, I don't mind eating here. I'm sure we'll be out of here soon." Amelia added.
"*Long Sigh*... Yeah, maybe I'm overreacting." Charlie admitted while handing Pim his cup. "I'm going to use the bathroom, can you get me some of that amazing McDonald's Sprite?"
"Sure, I can get you some Sprite. Would you-"
"No no no no no." Charlie interrupted. "It's 'McDonald's Sprite', not Sprite."
"Uhh… Charlie, I don't think McDonald's has its own version of Sprite. I'm pretty sure it's all the same."
"Trust me Pim, it's WAY different, and superior."
"...Oh, ok Charlie. I'll get you some 'McDonald's Sprite'." Pim relented. "Would you want any of the flavors added to it?"
"Pim…" Charlie began, sounding disappointed. "You don't add flavor to McDonald's Sprite. It must be enjoyed in its purest form, or it's no longer McDonald's Sprite."
"...Alright, I'll be sure not to add any flavor to your McDonald's Sprite."
"Thanks, man, I'm counting on you."
Charlie walked off to the bathroom, leaving Pim and Amelia contemplating the strange interaction.
"Wow, that was… Interesting." Amelia commented.
"Yeah, I guess Charlie really takes his McDonald's Sprite very seriously." After thinking about it for another moment, Pim snapped out of thought. "Well, let's get our drinks and find a seat."
They made their way up to the Coca-Cola Freestyle® Self-Serve 9100 soda machine. Pim made sure to fill Charlie's cup with 'unflavored 'Mcdonald's Sprite', before filling his own cup with Cherry Coke. Amelia looked a bit surprised by this.
"No way, you love Cherry Coke too?"
"Yeah! I love my Coke-"
"With a twist!" They both finished in unison, before breaking out in joyful laughter.
Amelia filled her cup up while still laughing with Pim. They continued while looking for a spot, and only stopped when they were reminded of the unconscious boss laying on the table. Despite wanting to ignore him, Pim noticed that Amelia looked quite worried.
"Don't worry Amelia, I'll check on him."
Pim walked up to the man and poked him a few times. The man tossed and turned a little, while quietly mumbling something unintelligible.
"He's ok, just very VERY drunk." Pim reassured.
"*sigh of relief* Thank you for making sure, that was sweet of you."
"No problem at all, at least we now know we won't be eating next to a dead body, haha."
The two sat down only a few tables away from the man. They would have chosen a further away table, but the only other ones available were two-person booths. Despite this though, Amelia was in high spirits.
"I can't wait for those nuggets, it's been years since I've had some."
"Same honestly." Pim happily agreed. "I've been talking with Charlie about getting some Chicken McNuggets® for a while now. *sips from drink* Never went through with it though, mostly due to how busy we've been with work."
"Seems like the stars aligned in your favor tonight. *sips from drink* Wait, is that how the saying goes?"
"*sips from drink* I think so?" Pim tried and failed to remember the exact quote, while taking another sip from his drink. "Or at least, it's very close."
Amelia was about to say something else but was immediately interrupted by a loud fart from the unconscious manager. The two were startled by this but soon broke out into a fit of laughter. Though that immediately ended once they got a good whiff of said fart.
"Eww!" Pim recoiled in disgust. "What has he been eating?"
"...Probably fast food?" Amelia assumed.
"Oh, uhh, yeah that makes sense." Pim then noticed something that brought a smile to his face. "Speaking of fast food looks like ours is ready."
Amelia looked over and saw the two women placing their food on trays. She and Pim knew they were about to enjoy some delicious Chicken McNuggets®… Well, that was until the entrance door was aggressively kicked open.
"Wubalubadubdub!" Rick Sanchez roared at the top of his lungs as if it was a warcry. "I'm *burp* Atlanta drunk!"
Pim, Amelia, and the two women nearly jumped out of their skin. While they were still recovering from the shock, Rick and Morty sped walked their way up to the front counter. The two women were clearly pissed.
"WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT FOR?!" The White woman exploded, turning red from rage.
"YOU NEARLY GAVE US HEART-"
"Szechuan *burp* Sauce!" Rick yelled, interrupting the Chinese woman.
The two women exchanged confused glances.
"What are you-"
Rick slammed his fists on the counter. "GIVE US THE *burp* SZECHUAN SAUCE! NOW!"
Pim watched on in complete confusion. "So, these must be a few of the 'weird people' Charlie was referring to."
Pim waited for a response but didn't get one. Turning to face Amelia, he saw a look of complete trama on her horrified face. It only took him a few seconds to figure out what was happening.
"*gasp* Oh no!" Pim hugged her as tight as he could. "It-It's ok! I'm here for you!"
While Pim was trying his best to keep Amelia from having a trama-induced breakdown, Rick was still demanding the Szechuan Sauce.
"Szech-" *slamming fists on counter* "-uan" *slamming fists on counter* "Sauce! *burp* SZECH-" *slamming fists on counter* "-UAN *burp*" *slamming fists on counter* "SAUCE!"
Morty shoved the three trays of food onto the floor. "You uhh dumb bitches better give us the Szechuan Sauce!"
The two watched as the food hit the ground. One of them turned around to scream and rage in response, while the other woman directed her rage directly at the two mischief-makers.
"That's it! You two better leave right now! Or else I'm calling the police!" The White woman threatened.
Rick lost his fucking mind and jumped on top of the counter. "You should start *burp* cam whoring! BECAUSE *burp* YOU'RE SHIT AT YOUR *burp* JOB!"
Rick kicked the White woman in the face, breaking her nose and causing her to stumble back. She cried out in pain as blood quickly began to leak down her face. Despite this, she stood her ground, though more out of shock than anything else.
The Chinese woman tried to stumble away, anger now taken over by fear. "I-I-I'm called the police!"
Rick jumped off the counter and mid-air booted the nose-broken woman to the ground, knocking her out cold. He then grabbed the other woman and threw her over the counter.
"Take her out Morty! I'm gonna go *burp* find the Szechuan Sauce!"
A spark of joy could be seen in Morty's eyes. "Oh jeez, Rick! Do I uhh, get to beat women?!"
"Beat women Morty!" Rick enthusiastically confirmed, while rushing into the back kitchen. "BEAT *burp* WOMEN!"
Morty stood over the terrified Chinese woman, a visible boner forming in his pants as his long-time fantasy was about to come true. Rick was always the one that beat women, while Morty was left watching from the sidelines. Now though, it was his time to shine.
"Ooooooh jeez, oh so so so raaaate!" Morty mockingly and offensively yelled, while cracking his fists.
The Chinese woman tried to back away but was immediately punched in the face.
"Oh jeez!" *punch* "Is so raaaate!" *punch* "and me so Chineeese!" He continued to mock, while beating the shit out of her.
Pim watched on in shock, while Amelia began to fully break down and bawl her eyes out. He tried his best to comfort her but knew it wasn't going to work while this abuse was going on. So in an attempt to stop the madness, he attempted to wake the manager up by dumping his cold drink on the him.
"Whhaa?! Whoah wha wha?!" The manager shot up, still clearly drunk. "Wha wwwas that for!?"
"Uhh, sir! Two of your employees are-"
The manager paid no attention to Pim, as his eyes were locked on Morty beating one of his employees. "God dammit! Not these Szechuan Sauce fuckers again!"
The manager drunkenly waddled his way up to Morty. Pulling him off the woman and slamming him back first against the wall. Before Morty could yelp in pain, the manager unleashed a drunken barrage of punches on him. "
"I'm fucking sick of you two assaulting my staff! I've gone through 12 employees this month alone!"
Morty attempted to fight back, but quickly realized he was outmatched. "R-" *gut punch* "Ri-" *face punch* "Rick h-" *gut punch* "RICK!" *gut punch*
Rick came storming back up, visibly annoyed. He was also now naked with only his coat on and appeared to be covered in different sauces.
"Dammit Morty, don't *burp* distract me! I'm still *burp* looking for the-" Upon seeing Morty getting his ass handed to him by the manager, Rick pulled out a strange-looking laser gun. "Why do I have to do everything myself?!"
He blasted the manager with the gun, enveloping him entirely in a pink laser. It almost immediately disappeared, revealing the manager was dressed as a housewife. None of his physical features were changed, just his clothing.
Rick was quite pissed about this. "What the fuck?! Why isn't this *burp* thing working right!?"
The manager soon realized his clothing had been changed and stopped beating Morty to inspect himself. "What the Hell is this!?"
Morty managed to catch his breath, and cough up a little blood. Once he laid his eyes on the now-wife-dressed man, he immediately began foaming at the mouth from primal rage.
"WIIIIIIIIFE!"
Morty tackled the man to the ground and began smashing his head against the floor. Rick again jumped on top of the counter to cheer him on.
"That's right Morty! Beat wife!"
Morty began shaking with rage, as he continued the violent assault. "BEAT!" *slam* "WIFE!" *slam* "BEAT!" *slam* "WIFE!"
Watching on as the manager had the life beaten out of him, Pim decided it was time to man up and confront the two troublemakers. It took him a moment to work up the guts, but he soon marched up to Morty.
"Ok, you two are acting very inappropriately, and I won't-"
Morty grabbed him by the throat with both hands. "YOU'RE GETTING IN THE WAY OF MY WIFE BEATING YOU STUPID PURPLE THING!"
Amelia watched on in horror as Morty strangled Pim with all his strength. "PIM!" She cried out, rushing to help him.
Rick saw her coming and jumped off the counter to block her path. He shoved her to the ground and stood over her with a domineering and unhinged look on his face. She could only recoil in horror and cry as her past trauma soon overtook her.
"Why are you such *burp* jailbate?! What's *burp* wrong with you in *burp* that regard!?"
Amelia could only cower in fear as Rick yelled at her. Pim so desperately wanted to help her, but couldn't escape Morty's tight grip.
"Is it cool being *burp* jailbait?! Does the *burp* FBI follow you around and arrest all *burp* the men you sleep with?!"
"Pl-Please stop!" Amelia begged, now shaking in fear.
"You should just run away from home and go into sex slavery YOU FUCKING STUPID FAGGOT BITCH!"
As Pim was being physically abused, and Amelia emotionally, Charlie finally stepped out of the bathroom. He looked quite annoyed and was rubbing his eyes.
"Sorry I took so long. There wasn't any toilet paper, so I had to-" When Charlie opened his eyes, he was met with the sight of Pim being strangled. "Jesus Christ! What hell?!"
Charlie grabbed a nearby chair and smashed it over Morty's head. While Morty was dazed, Pim quickly caught his breath and rushed up to Charlie.
"Charlie! We need to help Amelia!"
Charlie looked over and saw Amelia crying in the fetal position while being screamed at by Rick.
"WUBALUBADUBDUB!" Rick yelled as loud as possible, causing everyone's ears to ring a little.
"Owww! Dammit!" Charlie cried out. "Alright Pim, let's kick this guy's ass!"
Charlie and Pim marched up to Rick and attempted to grab him. Rick though managed to catch a glimpse of them approaching, and immediately jumped onto a nearby table.
"No one, and I *burp* mean NO ONE is going to stop me from *burp* getting my Szechuan Sauce!" Rick then did a perfect leap over them all to another table, then went into a battle stance. "Wubalubadubdub!"
Charlie was absolutely dumbfounded. "What the hell is your obsession with Szechuan Sauce?! You can just buy some at the store!"
"It's NOT the same!" Rick raged "McDonald's Szechuan Sauce is superior!"
Rick pounced on top of Charlie, riding on him while the yellow Critter freaked out. As Charlie ran around in a panic, Morty stumbled his way towards them. Blood gushed down his head as he began dazedly laughing.
"Hahaha! Oh wow, oh jeez! He's ridding, I mean, riding, that yellow guy like a Jockey from Left 4 Dead 2! Haha! You- You guys ever played Left 4 Dead 2? It- It was on the Xbox 360, and is still available on Steam. You play as 4 survivors who have to fight their way through zombie hoards. But they were more than just normal zombies! You had uhh, these guys who shot their tongues out at you! And uhhh, Hunters! I like Hunters-"
"PIM HELP! GET THIS CRAZY FUCK OFF OF ME!" Charlie panicked, as Rick attempted to steer him into various objects around the McDonald's.
"Shut up! I'm not done explaining Left 4 Dead yet! Now, where was I…"
Pim and Amelia weren't listening, as they were too busy trying to save Charlie.
"...Oh right! They scream and pounce on you! Ohh! And there were these really fat guys that puked on you and blew up when killed! They attracted more zombies, and uhh oh! Boomers! They were called Boomers! Funny name right? It aged so weirdly well, or something like that! Oh ohhhh! Then there were the Spitters! No not women who spit out sperm after a blow job, these women spit acid! Wouldn't want a blow job from them right? Haha! Ohh! Chargers! They kinda look like that Coomer meme! You know the one, the guy has one really strong arm, and the other is basically a stick? Yeah! They look like that! And uhh, the Witch! The internet draws a lot of porn of the Witches! I've touched myself to a lot of that porn. Yeah, the Witches have a lot of porn! Like, ALOT of porn! Haha! OHHH now I remember what I was originally going to say! Rick is riding that yellow guy around like a Jocky from Left 4 Dead 2!"
Morty then pissed his pants, and suddenly went unconscious from all the blood loss.
"Szechuan Sauce! Szechuan Sauce! Wubalubadubdub!" Rick yelled while attempting to crash Charlie into a table.
Just as the collision was about to be made, Charlie managed to perform a badass super sharp turn that I will not describe in detail. As he performed the badass super sharp turn, Rick's strange laser gun went flying out of his coat pocket and landed right in front of Pims feet. As the purple Critter looked down at it, he knew what had to be done.
"I have an idea." Pim picked the gun up, pointing it at Rick. "Stay behind me, Amelia. I don't want you to get hurt if this fails."
She hesitated for a moment but soon hid behind him. "What are you going to do?"
"*deep breath* Hey! You want to know what I think of McDonald's Szechuan Sauce?!" Pim yelled in the most alpha voice he could muster.
Rick stopped steering Charlie to look over at him
"I think it tastes like old man balls!"
Rick's left eye began twitching, as he jumped off of Charlie. "I'll show YOU what *burp* old man balls taste like!"
Just as Rick was about to rush him, Pim shot him with the laser gun. Within seconds, Rick was dressed as a wife.
"You…" Rick looked himself over, tears filling his eyes. "You turned me into a wife! I'M WIFE RICK!"
He fell to his knees, nearly on the verge of tears. Before he could start crying though, a sudden burst of anger shot through him.
"There's only one *burp* way I can rectify this!" Rick punched himself in the face. "I'm gonna BEAT MYSELF!"
Rick again punched himself and then threw himself through a table. He wasn't done yet though, as he proceeded to snap his left ankle.
Pim and Amelia watched on in awe as Rick unironically obliterated himself in front of them. Charlie soon joined them after recovering from the Jocky riding,
"Great thinking Pim!" Charlie praised. "How did you know he would start beating himself?"
"...To be honest, I didn't." Pim admitted. "I just thought he would get really sad."
"Well he did for a second." Amelia pointed out.
Charlie looked around the McDonald's, taking in all the destruction and knocked out workers. Though what really hurt his heart was seeing their food laying on the ground.
"I guess we won't be eating our food."
"Yeah…" Pim and Amelia agreed.
The three watched Rick kick his own ass for a little longer, before leaving without saying another word. As they left through the exit, the last thing they heard Rick yell was-
"I'M SICK AND TIRED *burp* OF NOT HAVING MY DINNER READY *burp* WHEN I GET HOME *burp* AFTER SPENDING ALL DAY LOOKING FOR SZECHUAN SAUCE!"
Once outside, the three stood silently in the parking lot while thinking about their strange McDonald's experience. Charlie though quickly got sick of this and decided just to say what they were all likely thinking.
"Well uhh, that went about as bad as it could have."
"Yeah…" Pim sadly agreed, while looking over at Amelia. "I'm so sorry about everything that happened. I couldn't have ever foreseen-"
Amelia kissed Pim on his cheek, causing him to blush and go silent.
"Pim, you don't need to apologize. What happened wasn't your fault, and I don't want you to blame yourself." She began to blush… And smile. "If anything, it was nice having such a nice man like you trying your best to help me."
Pim smiled in return, too nervous to respond. Charlie watched on with a heartwarming smile on his face.
"Aww, that's so sweet." Charlie looked over at an open gas station. "You know, a Sprite sounds good about right now. You two wanna come with and maybe grab some snacks to make up for the food we missed out on?"
This could Pim off guard. "Wait, but it wouldn't be McDonald's Sprite. Didn't you say that was the best?"
"...Ehh, I'm starting to realize having such an obsession with a very specific thing from McDonald's might not be the best for my mental health." He looked through the McDonald's windows and watched for a moment as Rick ran screaming into the back kitchen. "Also, all Sprite is probably the same anyway."
Pim wasn't sure how to respond to this sudden change in Charlie's perception of Sprite. So, Amelia responded for him.
"That's great Charlie! I'm so glad this experience taught you-"
The McDonald's suddenly blew up in a fiery explosion. The three instinctively ran away while screaming into the night. Charlie, again, decided to say out loud what they all were thinking.
"Screw the gas station! We need to-"
The fire spread to the gas station, blowing it up behind them.
"HOLY SHIT! LET'S GET THE FUCK OUT OF HERE!"
The three did just that, as the street burned to the ground behind them… That's it, that's the end of the story.