Ashley
The day I learned I was pregnant was also the day I learned I was dying.
"You have glioblastoma, Ashley. It's stage four."
The doctor's words echoed in my ears like a cruel joke.
My eyes widened in disbelief as I stared at Doctor Mallory across the desk, searching her face for any sign that this was some kind of mistake. But there was none. Her expression was calm, professional… and filled with pity.
My chest tightened.
"I… I have a brain tumor?" I stuttered, my voice trembling as tears began to gather in my eyes. "How could I not have noticed something like that all these years? I mean… I should have known if something was wrong with me."
Doctor Mallory sighed softly and turned the screen toward me. A scan of my head appeared on the monitor.
"If I hadn't insisted that you take the test, Ashley, we might not have discovered it yet. The tumor hid itself very well without showing clear symptoms. Sometimes these things happen silently."
I shook my head slowly, trying to process her words, but everything felt unreal.
"Doctor Mallory," I interrupted weakly, my fingers tightening on the edge of the chair. "I don't understand what you are saying. Do you mean that I have cancer and I didn't know about it all this time?"
"Yes, Ashley," she replied gently, pointing to the dark spot on the scan. "The tumor is already growing. And I know you just found out that you are pregnant, which should be wonderful news… but if you want to live even a few months longer, we need to talk about some very serious decisions."
"Live a few months?" I repeated slowly.
My heart skipped.
"What are you saying, Doctor?" I asked, my voice barely above a whisper. "Are you saying that… I am going to die?"
Doctor Mallory lowered her head for a moment. When she looked up again, she nodded.
"Ashley, I hate to tell you this, but the tumor is aggressive. And because you are pregnant, the hormones are making it grow even faster. If you continue with the pregnancy, the tumor will develop more rapidly."
My hand slammed against the table before I could stop myself.
"What are you asking me to do?!" I shouted, my voice shaking with disbelief. My other hand instinctively moved to my stomach.
"Abort which baby?" I demanded.
Just last week she had confirmed my pregnancy, and I had been so happy that I almost cried in this very office.
Now she was telling me I was dying.
A bitter laugh escaped my lips as I clutched my head.
"I haven't even told my husband about the baby yet," I muttered weakly. "And now you're telling me I'm going to die."
After everything I had endured, was this really supposed to be my fate?
To die without ever seeing my child?
For five long years of marriage, all I had ever wanted was a baby. I had prayed for one. I had cried myself to sleep many nights because I couldn't conceive.
And now that I was finally pregnant… I was supposed to choose between my own life and the life of my baby.
"This is for your own good, Ashley," Doctor Mallory said carefully. "With the baby, the tumor will grow much faster. If you terminate the pregnancy, we might be able to slow it down and extend your life."
"I am going to die anyway," I said hoarsely, inhaling deeply.
My fingers curled tightly as I reached across the desk and grabbed her hand.
"Listen to me, Doctor," I pleaded. "I don't know what you will have to do or how difficult it will be, but I need my baby to survive. Do any treatment you want. I will endure everything. Pain, surgery, anything… but my baby must live."
Doctor Mallory quickly pulled her hand away, staring at me as if I had lost my mind.
"Have you gone insane, Ashley? I'm speaking to you as your friend, not just your doctor. You cannot keep the baby and survive this."
"Doctor Mallory," I said firmly, cutting her off before she could continue. "There is no way I will terminate my child."
My voice trembled, but my decision did not.
"If you can refer me to a good oncologist, someone who can help me survive long enough to give birth, then I will go through with it."
"Ashley!"
"What?" I lowered my head as tears filled my eyes.
"You know how things are with my husband," I whispered quietly. "He has always wanted a child. We both have."
Maybe if he found out that I was pregnant, he would love me again.
Maybe my mother-in-law would finally stop looking at me like I was a disappointment.
Maybe… things would change.
"I cannot tell them about the tumor," I said weakly. "If they find out that I am dying, everything will fall apart."
Doctor Mallory gently grabbed my hands again.
"I wish there was something we could do differently, Ashley. But if you go through with this pregnancy, you might lose both the baby and your life. Everything could end in tragedy."
Tears streamed down my face.
Doctor Mallory knew how badly I wanted this baby. She had seen the years of heartbreak, the treatments, the disappointment.
I was desperate.
"Ashley, are you even listening to me?" she asked, snapping her fingers softly in front of my face. "You need to tell your family. They are the only ones who can support you right now."
"Support?" I laughed bitterly as I slowly withdrew my hands.
"No one will support me once they hear that I am dying."
I wiped my tears and stood up.
"I need you to help me," I said quietly. "Please. My baby has to survive."
"You are not thinking clearly, Ashley."
"They are not going to support me!" I shouted suddenly. My voice echoed inside the office.
"You know exactly how they have treated me all these years. If they find out I am dying…"
I stopped, sucking in a shaky breath.
"Owen deserves to know the truth," Doctor Mallory insisted. "You cannot go through something like this alone."
"I will," I said quietly.
Even though deep down, I knew it would be the hardest thing I had ever done.
"I will have my baby," I continued firmly. "Before I die."
I paused for a moment, forcing a small smile onto my face.
"Thank you for caring, Doctor. But I have already made my decision."
I turned and walked toward the door.
Just as my hand reached the handle, her voice stopped me.
"I hope you will not regret this decision, Ashley."
I turned around and gave her a faint smile.
"The only thing I will regret," I said softly, "is not being able to save my child."
Then I left her office.