I believe that's two nos and a yes.
Means that I failed.
Back to square one—or so Sohee is thinking, judging by the drained look on her face.
I don't blame her.
She would never think to use it that way.
The pink-cased phone resting on the table.
This has always been the plan.
"Still recording?"
She shakes her head, "I turned it off after Shizuka left."
"I'd like to hear it again."
"From the start?"
"Yeah, but not everything."
Her face is full of questions, but, having full trust in me, she presses play anyway.
We fast-forward to the part where the bell rang.
"Stop here."
The recording has a few minutes left—unplayed—if all goes well, forever.
—Sohee would never go along with this! She doesn't cheat. She can't. Sohee is an angel, an honest being.
And the angel became the devil, didn't they?
"Don't you want to hear the rest?" The angel says, still oblivious.
"No. We don't need the other part."
Sohee still looks confused.
I explain again, "We don't need what's said after the bell."
"Don't need?"
"Trim it off from the recording."
"But that part... Shizuka..."
"I know."
She is smart—so she knows, too.
"Sunbae?" Her pink eyes find my face.
Those eyes tremble as if begging for a place to rest.
To feel safe.
"You can't mean that right? That would be…" she trails off, afraid to say it out loud.
As if afraid that I would answer.
"I mean it."
Because I can't go back.
As soon as I give her the answer, the pink eyes fall off from my face.
And on her shaking hand.
"Sunbae. Please, take that back..." Her voice waver. "I know how much you wanted this but… this is just…"
The belief she has about me—about this Sunbae person, is shattering.
Her Sunbae would never do what I just did.
I could never be him.
I am not him.
But she doesn't know that.
So I have to tempt her.
To accept me as a part of her Sunbae.
That I am still the Sunbae she knew all along.
I have to justify my sin.
"This is the only way I see Sohee. The only way I can walk out of that door with a smile."
"There has to be another way there has to."
"You know there isn't."
She doesn't respond.
I try to go for her hands.
She let it happen, curling it into a fist.
"Is this right?" She asks, hurting herself.
My hands slip at the back of hers.
"I don't know. But I'm going to do my best to make it right."
"What if the girls find out?"
"Oh they will. I am prepared for what's coming after that. Sohee, nothing will happen to you."
"But If I—"
"You're only doing what you're asked. I'll make sure they understand that. The girls will be a little mad at you, sure. And then they are going to forgive us."
She shakes her head. "Sunbae, these girls are not like that. I've been together with them for almost a year now. They just don't."
"They would be, if someone steps up and changes them."
"I… I don't know Sunbae. This is not us. Not me. I—"
"Did I fail as your tutor?"
"Sunbae this isn't about that the girls they're not easy I don't know what they will do what will happen to us to you If we do this—"
"Sohee."
I've no memories of us before this. But I've heard about this tutor Sohee thought of me.
More than fifty timelines, she sang the same song about him. Almost as if she worshiped him.
No, she loves him.
And trust him.
Because that tutor never failed her.
"That… no," she says almost as quiet as Nelly. "You didn't. You were perfect. You changed me."
"Help me change them."
I can feel it.
She's going to give in.
I just have to make a promise.
Then I'd have her.
"I'm not going to disappoint you, Sohee."
She releases her hands gently and rests her palm on mine.
Pink eyes.
There they are—two beautiful cotton candy eyes.
Showers my face with your love.
Make me float in them.
"You… promise?"
"Promise."
Sohee falls silent for a while longer as if making her final decision.
"If it's truly the best for the girls. I'll do it, Sunbae."
Her lips thin, eyes narrow, and head nodding.
"I'll do it," she says, once again.
I put her hands away and reach for her phone, trying to trim it myself.
But she beat me to it.
Her slender fingers press the button quickly as if she doesn't want to feel the weight.
The phone slips through her shaking fingers. She retracted them to her chest while looking at the aftermath.
The edited recording glows on the table.
I could tell this is her first.
Doing something like this.
Sinning.
I was about to spare her from that.
"Sohee, why?"
I grab her cold hand.
"I–It's okay, Sunbae. It has to be me. Has to."
Maybe she thought I couldn't.
Or maybe she thought doing it herself would loosen my guilt.
That we'd share them.
"Thank you, really."
"Hm'n," she shakes her head, "You've done more for me, Sunbae. Remember?"
Nope.
I still give her a nod, though.
"This is nothing… compared to what you did."
Whatever I did must be something huge to make an angel like her believe in these lies.
We let our hands stay a little longer in silence….
*
She looks toward the door, thinking of something as if hesitating to leave.
She doesn't want to.
Maybe she would rather stay here forever, where she can feel my warmth.
"Sunbae, I have to leave," she says, standing up reluctantly, "I… I have to present the recording to them before I get to go home. Nelly is waiting, too."
"Quick question, Sohee."
She flops on the couch, smiling. "Yes, Sunbae?"
"Varrie said to enjoy my one month, what's that all about?"
She tilts her head in Sohee's fashion, "Did Sunbae forget?"
Either that or I just never knew.
"They get to decide whether to keep the teacher—you as a tutor—after a month."
"So there will be another voting session again?"
She nods.
"It's the girls after all."
Who are these girls anyway?
Shizuka mentioned being Nodaka's heir?
Are they like a very wealthy family in this city?
Are all these girls actually a group of big shots?
The school even went out of its way to create this environment for only them.
And not to mention the damn being that put me here.
"Are there… any more questions, Sunbae? We best be going."
"No. Thank you, Sohee. I'll stay here a little while longer; you can go ahead."
She picks up her belongings, bows, and, before leaving the room, says, "Sunbae… don't worry. I can do it."
"Don't push yourself too hard."
"Got it."
"Oh, Sohee."
"Yes?"
"Thank you for the smile."
"Mn," she nods with a blush.
Thud.
Now the room has no one but me and my thoughts.
Cards on the table.
The Jokers.
"Aye' man, yo' did it!" "Sup bro, sorry I wasn't around."
I can hear these cards…
"Yo, you hearin', can't talk?"
Yeah, maybe I overstayed a little. I'm not talking to a card again. I'm leaving.
"Yo, fuck you, too, man. Not my fault, you're bad at Two Joker. Yo! Fuck man, he ignorin' us now, and it's all your fault, bro."
Thud.
Their voices are still behind that door.
They're not real.
Cards don't talk.
Maybe if I say that enough, I'd believe it.
I left the room, if Sohee sees this she'd be disappointed.
My face bears no smile.