What a night to die. The moon is bright, smiling at me among the blinking stars. It doesn't look lonely. But I do.
Lying on a street in the middle of this shitty city, I am the only one bleeding on the ground. The rest of my kind—-human, if to be precise—-surrounds to watch me juggling the pain… fuck me this is not fun at all, dying…
Sigh.
A group of girls wearing their high school uniforms are flashing their phones, filling their gallery as I bleed more and more. I imagine my dead body picture among the thousand cheerful selfies. It's fine I don't mind, go ahead. Brag about you having a good picture of my corpse.. Your friends would love to see it tomorrow in class.
After a while, some people start walking away. They have a better thing to do than to accompany a dead man. If I am not the one who is limping down here, I'd do the same, too.
When I left my apartment this morning, I never thought I'd get stabbed. You know, if I know this'd happen, I'd much prefer to do it in a much quicker and painless way. Like jumping off a cliff or something. That doesn't sound so bad. Though, I'd hoped to die old, full of sins. I am still twenty eight and full of sins.
I wonder if god is real. If the world truly has any then I very much know where I'm going. It won't be a very fun place. So I'm hoping not.
My heart is hammering up. Am I afraid? No, of course not. This is just how any human body is programmed to act in these situations, trying to keep it alive. But the wound is too deep. And I don't want to try. Death doesn't scare me.
Actually, now that the pain is numbing, it's almost pleasant. Maybe it's not so bad after all. Every big and little worry I have this morning, now I can let it free.
I am free of life.
Maybe those people who off'd themselves were onto something…
Chuckle.
That makes me sound depressed. But I am not, surely.
The darkness is closing in. The moon and stars stop mocking me.
The noise is moving away. I can hear the ambulance coming. Luckily they are too late.
I stop trying.
A touch.
My arm is grabbed.
I can feel someone is trying to move me. Must be the people from the hospital. Go ahead and try to fix a corpse.
Grip.
Damn do you have to be so rough I—-
Drag.
Fuck!
Burn. My skin burns.
Who's this? There's no way a trained medical professional would be dragging a body across the street.
Stop this.
What's happening? I can't see…
No wait. I can see.
I can hear.
Below my feet is a body getting carried away with a stretcher. My body.
If I am down there, then who am I?
I look up. A pale hand grabbing my arm.
Further up, a black hair woman dressed in a black suit.
She is dragging me toward a door with no building.
I have to tell her to stop. I can't. My mouth is filled. My lungs are full. I can't breathe. The air refused to enter.
And my surroundings… as we move closer and closer to the door, it shifts to black. Not dark. The people, the cars, the stars, moon, body, stones, street—-gone all gone.
"From the deep abyss of time…"
A voice. Sweet, like a song my ears have waited for. Loud, as if it's coming out straight from my head. And lonely.
"I have found you."
My head feels… elongated, as if thousands of hands squeezing it. I can feel my eyes blinking, each time one decade passes. But there is nothing to look at.
Nothing at all.
For a long time.
I am with her in, on, at… nothing.
White. A single line of it, forming into shapes. Circles and rectangles. Color seeps in, spreading through void like drops of paint into water. Red, green, and blues. Outlines, colors, combined. A window is created, holding a soft blue sky and puffy white clouds. More shapes follow, forming a ground–concrete. Then the makings stop.
Hallway. At the end of it is a door, its knob glittering.
No longer am I on the ground. I was—-am walking.
The woman is no more. She is replaced. Now, a pink low-ponytailed girl is holding my arm, dragging me forward. Talking. She is saying something. Her voice is soft and friendly.
The pain has gone. My skin is fresh.
Sound of footsteps enters my ear. Mine and her. The door is getting closer.
I know it. I know it very well. This body.
It's not mine.
And this mind.
Is not mine.
Stab.
A sharp pain in my head.
*
All right, calm down now. I know this is your first time meeting them, but try to stay cool headed. You can't afford a bad first impression. Take a deep breath and… phew.
If I manage to get in, Maria would be so surprised. Hah, I can't imagine what her face looks like if this goes well.
Let's set that aside for now and focus on the matter at hand. Behind this door is the one and only special class this high school has. Inside, lies the students I've heard so much about from Maria. And these special students are in need of a new tutor. Here I am with my two hundred credit black suit, ready to take that position.
It won't be easy to convince the four girls that I can do it. No worries! No matter how flawed they are I believe… I believe…
*
I believe that I was supposed to be dead. My body bled to death. So how? How the hell could I stand? Blinking? Twitching? Sweating? Breathing? What is this? Why is this happening?
Stab.
*
Sohee trusted me. I can't–
*
Stop. No more.
It's making me sick to remember more.
My ears are ringing. Head throbbing. I put my hand on the glass, trying to keep me up. I want to puke. But it won't help.
What I want out is not in my stomach. But my brain. A worm, there has to be one digging the flesh right now.
*
I was the third best student in the Center a few years ago.
*
Stop wriggling.
No, you are not a worm.
You are me.
You are my mind making a place in this brain, eating his memories.
You want us to have this body as our own.
"Sunbae?" the voice of the girl.
A warm hand touches my shoulder.
"Sunbae, are you okay?"
I'm not. And not the person you think I am.
I was dead. Surely dead.
But it won't make sense if I tell you that. You'd call me crazy. I'll call myself crazy.
Nothing else makes sense for now… but one. Death has turned away from me. Haha…
And now I am back with the living. Someone has put me here. Why?
"Sunbae?"
Sunbae? Is that supposed to be me?
I stop chuckling.
What's this girl asking again? Oh, right.
"Yeah, I'm okay," the first words out of my mouth.
And they are lies.