Winter had already begun to settle in. I could imagine it from the window—the river tracing a thin, silver line along the edge of the mountain, its banks whitening with early frost. It had claimed Fall's place in the natural order, as it always should have, only this year it had come a little earlier than before...
"And it's a little colder than it was last year, too. Did you notice?"
"Yeah..."
The caring pink was at my side, as always. Liz. But the gloom I thought we had cast off for good had crept back only three days after we moved into this small house near the riverbank. It has been almost two months now since that night we fled the 'hospital,' yet Liz still hasn't told me what really happened. I asked her a few times over these two months, but her answers were vague, ambiguous, or wandered off into something unrelated. Even so... I did my best not to push her too hard. After all, if it hadn't been for Liz, I would never have made it out here. I would never have known what it felt like to be alive.
"Liz, do you think we could go into town today?"
"I—cough-cough—I don't think we can today. It's going to snow a lot later this evening. And today it's especially cold."
I lowered my eyes, which had just been sparkling with excitement, and Liz noticed immediately.
"We'll go tomorrow, ####. If the weather isn't as bad and the snow hasn't covered the road, we'll go. I promise you."
I felt her hands lift my chin gently before she leaned in to kiss my forehead. Since we came here, the heaviness in my legs hasn't disappeared, but it has become more bearable. I still haven't told Liz, because knowing I have a fever already worries her enough, and I don't want to burden her more than I already have.
"Steph is going to come and stay with you while I'm gone."
"Mhm... But Liz."
"Yeah?"
"Where do you go when you leave without me? Do you just wander around town, too?"
"Uhm..." Her voice caught, as if she were debating whether to tell me the truth or soften it into a lie. I couldn't tell which it was—I could only hold on to whatever she chose to give me. "I'm trying to find work in town. So yeah... you could say I wander around."
She chuckled softly and brushed her fingers through my hair. I didn't know if she was telling the whole truth or hiding part of it, but I chose to believe her. I believed in Liz, so I didn't doubt for a second that she would lie to me to hurt me. I only considered that she might be protecting me. Because as wonderful as it is to finally be alive, I've learned that life holds many other things that don't embody the beauty I've been so used to imagining.
Knock!
Knock!
"Ah. That must be Steph. I'll come back before I leave."
I simply nodded, listening as her footsteps faded, clattering softly and distinctly against the wooden floor. After the door closed, the room fell silent, and I was left alone, curled deep into the blanket. I got up, poked my head out the window, and reached down to grab a handful of fresh snow. Just as Liz had said, it had started snowing—only earlier than even she had predicted. I felt the snow cool my hand, which until now had been kept warm inside the blanket, and crushed it slowly into the shape I wanted. Back when I was still in the hospital, I could only gather snow during a heavy storm, because the hospital roof diverted most of it. Even then, my arms would grow tired and numb from reaching out too long; I would eventually give up and slip back inside. But here, in this cabin, I didn't have to keep my hand outstretched endlessly until I collected enough. I could simply scoop it from the ground and shape a snowball whenever I wanted. It had been one of my quiet dreams, and I had already accomplished it.
The door opened, and I heard a sharp gasp behind me. Then someone ran forward and pulled my body away from the window into a warm, trembling embrace.
"What are you doing, ####!"
"I was just... I was jus—"
"Don't scare me like that!"
Her arms squeezed me tighter. I froze; I couldn't move at all. My hands, which had been holding the snowball I had just formed, let go, and it slipped to the floor behind Liz. That round, pink aura—almost like a sphere belonging to Liz herself—shook uncontrollably, and its trembling seemed to run through her whole body as well. I could feel her fear and her worry flooding the room, but I couldn't explain why. I couldn't explain why her colors spiked and distorted so strangely. All I could do was let myself sink into her warm embrace.
"Liz." A voice from behind pulled her back to reality. "She's fine, Liz. She was just picking up snow outside."
It was Liz's little brother, Steph. He was the one who came to look after me whenever Liz went out without me, and he carried this deep, heavy green. A green almost as deep as my Mother's purple. At his words, Liz loosened her hold on me, softly, reluctantly.
"I'm sorry. Are you okay, ####?"
"Yeah..."
"I'm so sorry. I don't know what came over me. I'm so sorry, ####."
"It's okay, Liz. I'm fine."
Steph stepped closer and picked up the snow that had fallen; luckily it had been about to land on the bed, but it didn't. Liz patted my back slowly, but her color was still trembling.
"Go, Liz. You're gonna be late."
"Bu—"
"Just go!"
"I'm sorry, ####."
Her hand ran through my hair one last time before she turned and hurried off, leaving only me and Steph. He walked a little closer, tossed the snow back out the window, and then closed it. I can't say I really liked Steph... He was... a little strange. He would say he envied me, that I was lucky to be blind, but I never understood why he said those things. And when I asked, he would just shrug it off as idle talk. But he was still a nice person in his own way. He took me out last week to build a snowman, but when I asked him to help me, he refused, so I had to do it all by myself. I think that's when I caught this fever.
"What's going through her head?" he muttered, turning back and dropping down onto the bed beside me. I stood still and pulled the blanket tighter over my shoulders. "What? Do I scare you?"
I pulled the blanket a little higher over my head and fixed my gaze on that dark green. I wanted to show him that, even though I feared him a little, I still liked him. After all, he was the one who stayed with me and made me food when Liz wasn't here, so I was grateful.
"Why are you looking at me like that? There's nothing here for you to see."
He got up and left the room, whispering under his breath, "Stupid bitches."
* * *
"####. ####."
I heard Liz's voice whispering my name softly in the dark. From the sound of it, she was sitting right beside me, and when I opened my eyes, I saw that soft pink hovering by the bed. She ran her fingers through my hair and stroked me gently.
"How was it today? With Steph."
"It... It was fine."
"Did he take good care of you?"
"Yeah. He did."
I knew I wasn't telling her everything, but in my heart I believed he had done his best, so it didn't feel like a lie. I was alright with how Steph was. Even if he seemed a little hostile toward me at times, I knew he didn't truly mean it. Sometimes people get tired, and that exhaustion seeps into them and changes how they act. Even when his green stayed dark, I knew it brightened sometimes—like when he took me out to build the snowman. Although he refused to build it with me, he still sat in the snow and watched me shape it until nightfall. So I truly believed Steph was a kind person. They both were... both Liz and Steph... but...
"I miss Mom... What happened to her?"
"I... It's jus—"
"Please, Liz. Tell me. Tell me Liz… What do you mean I was a subject? What do you mean they were studying me? What do you mean, Liz? What…"
"####—"
"Please. Liz!"
I was grateful for everything they had done for me, but I still couldn't forget Mom. I still couldn't forget Mr. Evan. I still couldn't forget all of them, no matter how hard I tried. Even though that day I had finally claimed the life I had always envied others for having, in the process I had lost people I cared about—people the #### trapped inside that same small room had cared about. And that shadow of myself wouldn't let me go. I needed answers.
Liz sighed, hesitated for a long moment, and then finally spoke. "Eigh—Eight years ago, when you were still a baby, they were building the research facility, which they later called the 'hospital.' Remember when we were leaving? Remember when I told you that everyone there was only pretending, so they could study you? That's why they built this hospital and put on this whole patient-doctor-and-nurse act. To study you better—the only child of Rives.
"I don't know why he was such an important person, but the only thing I know is that your father wasn't what you could call a normal human. It's like he didn't belong to this world... I was hired around the year they finished building it in town. Before that, I was working at another hospital on almost the opposite end of town. When I received that letter at my doorstep, it only contained a long folded paper and a stamp. At the bottom of the letter were three instructions and an endless list of terms and conditions; my memory of them isn't clear anymore, but the one thing I remember perfectly was the bolded notice at the very end: 'Do not reveal or imply to the subject any information hinting at anything that could lead to the disclosure of this place's real purpose.'
"After I agreed to it, I went to the location the next morning, early—and that's where I met you, ####..."