I was back home.
Sitting in the dining room.
I could see the shadows of my parents projected on the wall. Two figures deformed by the light, moving abruptly, invading each other's space.
They were arguing.
Again.
And, as always, it was because of him.
"I only asked for one thing," said a rough voice, "just one thing."
"And what did you expect? You always ruin everything," replied the other.
Something hit the table.
I heard a scream.
Then another sound, drier, against the wall.
The shadows moved at the same time. Neither backed down. Neither stopped.
The word useless appeared.
Spoken by one.
Repeated by the other.
He shrank in the chair.
He tried to make himself small.
Smaller, but he couldn't.
He felt their gazes, even if he couldn't see their faces. He knew both were watching him. Judging him.
Looking for where he had failed this time.
"Why can't you do it right?"
"Why are you always like this?"
The voices overlapped. He couldn't tell who was saying what.
He wanted to answer.
Explain.
Apologize.
No sound came out.
The shadows approached from both sides.
The air grew heavy.
His chest tightened.
He closed his eyes.
And then…..
Something moved.
He opened his eyes suddenly, feeling his body tense, his heart pounding.
It took a few seconds for me to realize I was no longer in the dining room.
There were no shouts.
No hits.
Only the sound of my breathing and an unfamiliar room.
I brought my hand to my chest; I could feel my heart wanting to escape.
I let out a sigh, trying to calm myself.
So…. I'm not at home anymore.
I could only see my hands trembling.
I wasn't dreaming.
I got up from the bed, but slipped, feeling my legs weak, yet I forced myself to stand.
I started looking at the room; it was blue, with posters, drawings… too many.
All were dinosaurs.
Obviously, it was a child's room, but I ignored that for the moment.
I had more important things to think about.
So I leaned against the wall.
I passed in front of a closet, without paying much attention…
Until something moved.
I stopped.
The movement mirrored mine.
I slowly turned to the closet and didn't see a teenager, I saw…..
A child.
I fell back in fright, and started crawling toward the wall without taking my eyes off the reflection staring intently at me.
"No, no, no, it's not possible. I-I refuse to believe it."
I raised a hand carefully, as if to touch something fragile.
The child in the mirror raised theirs.
My fingers were small, too small, I hadn't noticed.
I dropped it sharply.
My breathing became irregular.
This couldn't be happening.
I got up from the floor and slowly approached the mirror, standing directly in front of it.
He was… so small that the edge of the mirror reached my eyes. Before, that would not have happened.
I leaned in slightly and started inspecting myself.
My hair was messy blonde, falling over my forehead.
And my eyes were light, too amber-colored.
I looked down, ready to see the rest of—
"Itsuki, son, are you up? Come down for breakfast, your mom made pancakes."
The shout made me jump.
My heart was hammering in my chest, and my breathing…
My hands were shaking, and I almost lost balance in front of the mirror.
I wanted to scream, but nothing came out.
I could only stand there, paralyzed.
"I-I'm coming," I replied loudly, hoping to be heard.
"Remember… inhale, exhale,… inhale, exhale," I repeated until I calmed enough to look away from the mirror.
I turned my head toward the door, determined to go down.
I started walking out, and when I left the room, the first thing I saw was a wall with more drawings. To my left was a bathroom, but I ignored it, so I started walking down a hallway.
My steps were slow, as if I had to learn to walk in this tiny body, every creak of the wooden floor startled me.
Ahead, there was another room, but with a bed bigger than mine; I just passed it to go to the stairs.
I kept walking, bumping into what I thought was another room, but the door was closed.
I turned left to start going down the stairs, and as I began descending, I could hear voices, one speaking calmly, the other laughing lightly.
I tensed slightly, unsure whether to go down, but in the end, I concluded it was the only possible path.
So I kept going until I descended completely, and the first thing I saw was the foyer, the front door, a closet, and to my left a room, which caught my attention because it had some deflated balloons and streamers, as if a celebration had just happened.
I didn't understand why, but the scene seemed vaguely familiar.
Although curious, the sound I was looking for came from a door in front of me.
With the little courage I could muster, I approached and turned the doorknob. My eyes couldn't believe what I saw: on the table, a plate of perfectly stacked pancakes, and in front of it, the two adults I had seen, looking at me with sweetness.
A lump formed in my throat; for a second I didn't know what to say until a word came out.
"G-good morning," I said timidly.
"Good morning, dear," the woman answered calmly, sitting at the table.
"And how did you sleep, champ? Did your head still hurt?" the man began, saying one thing after another, "because the doctor gave us some pills for when it would start hurting… and by the way, did you slip? Because it sounded like something like that."
"Ichiro, let Itsuki catch his breath," the woman intervened. "Don't you see he just got up? Surely he's hungry too, right, dear?"
I could only nod, get up, and approach the table to sit.
When I sat, the woman brought me a plate with pancakes and a glass of milk. I decided to eat, so I grabbed the cutlery to start, but when I cut a piece,
I could see my hands shaking.
I tried to ignore it, but by mistake, I knocked over the glass.
Quickly, I grabbed some napkins and started drying it frantically while saying:
"Sorry, sorry… i-it was an accident."
I saw the woman stand up and start walking toward me.
I froze, closed my eyes, expecting a hit… and what I received was….
A hand on my head.
"It's okay, dear," she said softly,
"it was just an accident."
I let out an involuntary tear, I didn't know why, but I felt safe in her arms.
"Darling, calm down, nothing happened," she said softly. She crouched to my height and looking me in the eyes added:
"It's okay, alright?"
I stared at her, not knowing what to do, until she suddenly hugged me.
I let out an involuntary tear. I didn't know why, but I felt safe in her arms.
---
A few minutes after my little scene, we started eating in a comfortable silence.
I began to entertain myself, thinking about everything that had happened to me: how I had reincarnated as a child, something I couldn't ignore… And what had happened to the child who was there before me.
Had he died?
Had I killed him?
The idea of being the reason for his death unsettled me. Would his parents be sad if I told them?
Wait… would they even believe me?
I didn't know.
When we finished breakfast, I got up to clean my plate, but the woman approached and gently took it from me.
I just stayed still, watching as she took the plate.
"So, son, on Monday you're going back to school," Ichiro said smiling.
"The doctor said that with today and tomorrow of rest, you should be fine."
"Okay," I said softly, having no reason to say no, but something inside me still doubted.
---
After eating, I started exploring the house, taking advantage that the woman had been called about her work and Ichiro had gone up to his study, which seemed to be the room that had been closed.
I started looking at the photo on the TV cabinet. There were photos of their wedding, birthdays, graduations, the birth of the child, all the typical photos one would expect to see in a family; some made me smile without realizing it—the child's face on his first birthday, Ichiro hugging the woman after their wedding, small everyday life scenes.
But the one that made me stop was of the three together, with the child in the arms of both as they hugged, looking so happy… They truly loved him.
I stared at the photo for a long time, almost as if wanting to memorize every detail.
I felt a lump in my throat.
As my fingers brushed the photo, I couldn't help but think:
All this wasn't for me.
The child who was there before… he had this love, his laughter, his hugs, his birthdays; all that belonged to him, not me.
I felt pressure in my chest, a mix of guilt and fear.
Am I stealing his place?
My gaze fixed on the photo of the three together, and I didn't see happiness; I saw a life that had ended, one that I was now witnessing.
The lump in my throat grew more intense, and I didn't know whether to cry or apologize.
I started backing up slowly until I bumped into the sofa.
I had to know what had happened, and there was only one person who could give me the answer.
So I decided to roll the sofa to leave the living room.
I passed through the entry hallway, seeing through the light coming from the window how the house remained quiet.
I climbed the stairs with firm steps, though I felt each step made my heart beat a little faster.
Upon reaching the door, I raised my hand to knock… but my hand trembled again.
Was I really sure about doing this?
What if he told me he had a seizure… and all this happened because of my arrival in his body?
A shiver ran down my spine, but I took a deep breath. I had to know, even if it cost me.
So I knocked three times:
Tock, tock, tock
"Come in, son," a voice said from inside.
I grabbed the doorknob and opened the door. The first thing I saw was Ichiro sitting on his chair.
He raised his hand for me to wait, and I did.
I took advantage of that moment to quickly glance around for any clue of what had happened. There were only more photos and two diplomas hanging on the wall, Ichiro's and another belonging to the woman, apparently named Kaori.
Ichiro stopped what he was doing and turned to me.
"So what happened, champ? Did your head start hurting?" he asked.
"I wanted to know… how I ended up in the hospital," I asked timidly, holding my left arm.
"Don't you remember?" he asked, and I shook my head.
"You know, the doctor told us that you might not remember… so I'm not that surprised," he said calmly.
Ichiro took a deep breath and adjusted in his seat, looking at me calmly.
"Well, it was an accident," he began. "You were playing in the park, remember the playhouse?"
I nodded slightly, pretending to remember.
"When you climbed it, a wooden beam you were leaning on broke.
Obviously, you couldn't maintain balance, so you fell sideways, right where there was no railing. You hit your head… it was strong, but luckily the floor around the playhouse was foam, so it absorbed a good part of the impact. The doctor told us that with a couple of hours of observation in the hospital and resting at home, you'd be fine."
Ichiro smiled gently, as if to reassure me.
"You don't have to blame yourself, son; it was just an accident. None of it was your fault."
I could only stare at him, not knowing what to answer.
Ichiro placed his hand on my head and ruffled my hair, and I shivered slightly, something I'm sure he noticed.
"Go to your room to play, okay?" he said calmly with a smile. "Daddy is working; if you want, when I finish, I can play with you?"
I only nodded, so he removed his hand to let me go. As I approached the door, he said, "Please close the door," which I did.
After closing it, I could only think of one thing on my way to the room.
I didn't kill him.
I didn't kill him.
When I reached the bed, I just let myself fall onto it, my gaze fixed on the ceiling, observing the stars above. At some point, I simply stopped thinking.
______________________________________
The sound of a car arriving at the house could be heard: it was Kaori returning from work.
She got out of the car with total elegance, taking off her glasses and grabbing her briefcase.
"Ah…" I let out a sigh, annoyed. I couldn't believe they called me to work using the excuse that I had taken Thursday and Friday off. I had taken Thursday for Itsuki's birthday, and maybe Friday I had to leave unexpectedly, but it was because of Itsuki's accident, and I had already explained it last night.
I passed through the door, looking around as I took a deep breath to leave the stress of work behind.
Come on, dear, let's see how you are.
I closed the door and started walking toward the living room; I could hear the TV on.
I thought I would find Itsuki, but instead, I found Ichiro, sitting on the sofa, eyes glued to the screen.
"What are you watching, dear?" I asked as I approached.
Ichiro looked away a lot and smiled.
"A rescue," he said calmly. "The heroes are saving some people from a burning building, but nothing serious, everything is under control."
I watched the screen for a moment; the world of heroes unfolded before my eyes: lights, action, and people being saved with precision and speed. It was like watching a mix of news and show.
No matter how many times you saw it, it always left you amazed.
I looked away from the TV and asked Ichiro, "Dear, how has Itsuki been?"
He sighed and answered, "It turns out, just as the doctor said, he doesn't remember the accident. I know because he came to ask me what had happened," and I couldn't help worrying.
"Should we call the doctor?" I asked, concerned.
"No need to bother him," he replied.
"It's something he had already anticipated. I'd say we just need to keep an eye on Itsuki, and if we notice anything else, then we call him."
I could only sigh, trusting my husband.
"Well, and where is Itsuki?" I asked.
"I think he's asleep," he said. "He went to his room after talking to me, and since then hasn't come out."
I nodded at what he said until I noticed something. "Wait… he hasn't taken a bath? It's already four o'clock," I said, staring at him.
He got nervous, scratching the back of his neck and looking at the floor. "W-well… about that… I actually also fell asleep, and I forgot to set an alarm. You know I always struggle to get up," he said with a nervous smile.
I couldn't help raising an eyebrow and letting out a soft sigh mixed with a laugh.
"Ichiro…" I murmured, "always with your excuses. I hope Itsuki doesn't become a mini version of you."
He raised his hands in a gesture of surrender. "I promise next time it won't happen… although I don't promise he won't oversleep again," he replied with a shy smile.
I just sighed again and said, "I'll wake Itsuki so he can take a bath and eat, and by the way, it's your turn to make lunch."
He only responded with a quick nod and quickly turned back to the TV.
I started walking toward the stairs and remembered I had to clean the Japanese room. I'd do that at night.
As I began to climb, I tried not to make much noise.
When I reached Itsuki's door, I opened it slowly, trying to make as little noise as possible.
I started walking slowly toward the bed and there I saw him lying on his back, looking so cute that I wanted to pinch his cheeks, but I resisted.
I sat on the edge of the bed and started gently stroking his hair.
"Come on, dear, it's time for your bath," I said. "After the bath, we'll eat, and I'll put on some cartoons for you."
Itsuki began to move, and I saw him start blinking and opening his eyes half-asleep; his eyes met mine, and for a moment a mix of surprise and confusion reflected in them.
"Mom," he murmured almost inaudibly.
I smiled softly, leaning a bit toward him, placing a hand on his arm.
"Yes, dear."
---
I don't know when I fell asleep, but I did; I suppose my mind had been completely exhausted.
Until I heard someone speaking to me.
It was… a voice so calm, maternal, that something inside me responded.
"Mom."
At first, I didn't think much, but when I opened my eyes, I saw her… it was Kaori.
As soon as my brain processed it, I almost jumped out of bed, and she noticed.
"Were you okay, dear?" she asked. "Do you feel unwell?"
"It was a nightmare, that's all," I lied. I just wanted the earth to swallow me.
She just looked at me for a second and said, "Okay, well, as I was saying, it's time for your bath."
I just nodded and got out of bed. With her on my left, I had to go ahead. She just watched me.
I don't know how, but something inside me told me where the clothes were, so I grabbed the first things I saw: gray shorts and a Thomas the Tank Engine shirt.
When I finished grabbing everything and started heading to the bathroom, I noticed Kaori following me.
I tensed; I didn't want her to accompany me, but in her eyes, I was just about four years old. I had something to say, something I had to do… but I didn't know how. My throat was dry, and my hands shook as if holding air required too much effort.
When we reached the bathroom, which was literally next to the room, I stayed in front of the door, paralyzed, unable to look, every second stretching as if time wanted to mock me.
"C-could I bathe alone?" I said, staring at the door, trying to ignore the lump in my chest and the feeling that my legs wouldn't hold me. My voice sounded weak, more a whisper than a statement, and for a moment I thought I would cry.
I expected anything: a "you're not big enough," a "wait, dear," even a "no"… but instead I heard:
"Of course, dear, I'll be in my room if you need me."
That was all she said. Her voice was calm, firm, without reproach, and something in that tone made me feel safe even though my heart was still racing and my hands sweating. I could barely breathe, but I didn't dare look at her.
I stayed there for a few seconds, listening to the sound of footsteps fading. Every fiber of my being begged for help, while the mere idea that I wouldn't have to rely on her gave me a strange relief.
I could only sigh and proceed to open the bathroom door. Inside, I was met with a spacious space for a child, predominantly white: shiny tiles reflecting the window light, a low bathtub, and a shower with a softly striped curtain. To the side, some toys neatly stored, floaties, and colorful sponges added a childish touch, along with more normal bathroom items: towels folded on a small shelf, soap in dispensers, brushes, and a cup with toothpaste. Everything was tidy, nothing out of place, nothing standing out; a clean and simple bathroom, calm, seemingly waiting for someone to use it unhurriedly.
When I finished undressing, the mirror caught my attention. I approached slowly and saw those amber eyes staring back at me. The glass started fogging, leaving only one eye visible. I stared at it for a few seconds, then looked away, as I had done before.
I stepped into the shower.
"Ahh…" I sighed.
The hot water gently hit my back and traced every curve of this body that wasn't mine, yet now felt as if it had always belonged to me. The steam filled the bathroom, blurring the room's edges, and every drop seemed to erase some of the weight I carried.
"Ah… ah…" I started to cry, covering my mouth to make no sound.
"What am I supposed to do?" I thought, feeling the water slide down my shoulders, wetting my hair and dripping onto my arms.
I was in a body that wasn't mine, in a house that wasn't mine, with parents who weren't mine.
What could I do? Pretend everything was fine? Pretend I hadn't died? Pretend I was living another child's life? I didn't know.
I could only feel the water, the only thing I knew was real. Every second under the shower helped me release a little guilt and fear, even if just a thread. The scent of soap, the warmth on my skin, the murmur of falling water… all mixed into a strange feeling.
I hugged myself while the water kept running. Each breath reminded me that I was still alive, that I could still do something.
I knew. I was replacing someone… a child who would never come back.
But I also knew: I hadn't killed Itsuki. He had already had his chance. Now, if I wanted, I could try.
But was it right? Did I have the right? To use his body and live at his expense?
I didn't know…
I stood slowly, letting the water continue soaking my hair and back. I took a deep breath and felt something inside me give way a bit, as if part of the weight had dissolved with the steam and heat.
They feel love. A love I had never known. I saw it in every gesture, in every glance from Kaori and Ichiro. That love was there, waiting for me, and for a moment I understood I wasn't stealing anything. I was taking what life gave me now, with the opportunity to live, to learn, and to be a little happy.
Itsuki had already lived and gone. I was here.
I could live. I wasn't going to replace him… but I could try to be someone worthwhile, so that his death wouldn't be in vain.
With the water running over me, for the first time in a long time, I felt a thread of peace. A small thread, but real.
I didn't know everything. I didn't know how or when. But for the first time, I felt that maybe I could try.
With that in mind, I finished bathing.
I dried my body and hair slowly, still feeling the warmth of the water on my skin.
When I left the bathroom, I didn't see Kaori. I assumed she had gone downstairs.
I went to my room and changed slowly.
I was going to live.
I was going to keep going.
I had decided.
I could have a new life.
Yes… I would.
"Ah…" I sighed.
When I finished changing, I opened the room door and stepped out with a confidence that still felt a little new, as if I wasn't completely used to it yet.
I descended the stairs slowly.
Upon reaching the hallway, my eyes drifted to the room that had previously had streamers.
Now it was clean.
Tidy.
Empty.
I looked away and walked straight to the dining room door.
When I opened it, I was greeted just like the first time.
The table set.
The food hot.
And them waiting for me.
I smiled at them.
Maybe I wouldn't call them mom and dad.
Not yet.
But… maybe someday.
I sat in the same spot.
They served me.
I ate.
The burden hadn't disappeared.
Not completely.
But a part of it…
had gone.
And for now, that was enough.
Until a sound caught my attention.
The TV was on, showing a cartoon program: animals in an imaginary yard, living small, colorful adventures. I kept watching, distracted, until the commercials interrupted the story.
Suddenly, the screen exploded in intense gold and red tones. The image changed, showing a city bathed in sunset light, while a lightning bolt crossed the sky.
A huge shadow emerged among the buildings, and the ground seemed to tremble with its presence.
"FEAR NOT!!" a deep, confident voice boomed, so familiar my heart skipped a beat.
The camera rotated drastically, and there he was.
A man easily over two meters tall, with a straight back and broad shoulders, in a shiny blue suit adorned with red, white, and gold lines that reflected the light like liquid fire. His blond hair rose in two iconic tufts, moving with an almost supernatural air.
He was… All Might.
The air in the room seemed to vibrate. My breath caught, and a shiver ran down my spine. He wasn't just a hero on TV: his presence filled the screen, larger than anything I had ever seen, as if the world itself had bowed around him.
Rays of light struck his figure as he stood over the city, arms crossed, gaze determined, giving a feeling of strength and hope impossible to ignore.
"Impossible…" I whispered, my voice caught in my throat.