I, Shirogane Yanen, am an extremely ordinary freshman who just barely scraped into a mediocre university.
My grades are average, my height is average, my face is… well, let's just say that when mirrors talk back they usually sigh and look away.
The only things I'm proud of are two: my little brother Shizuka, who is objectively, indisputably, the cutest living creature on this planet, and my deep, heartfelt love for martial arts—which I now pursue strictly from a safe distance ever since Sensei almost caved my jaw in during one over-enthusiastic sparring session.
Today was supposed to be routine.
Finish the last lecture, slip out the back door before the professor could assign more group work, and rush to Shizuka's middle school so I could walk him home like I promised.
He's too cute. Way too cute. If I don't pick him up, some random high-school girl or worse—a boy with bad intentions—might try to talk to him.
I can't allow that. Shizuka promised he'd wait at the usual spot every single day, and I intend to keep that promise until he's at least thirty-five.
I cut through the narrow alley behind the convenience store—the shortcut I've used since first year of high school.
It's quiet, shaded, smells faintly of old cardboard and instant ramen. Perfect.
Except today it wasn't empty.
Sitting right in the middle of the cracked asphalt was Shizuka, In the girls' winter uniform I bought him last month.
Dark navy sailor collar, pleated skirt that barely reached mid-thigh when he sat like that, white knee-high socks hugging slender calves, glossy black loafers.
His dark blue hair—longer than most boys his age because I once said it looked pretty—was tied into loose twin tails with red ribbons. Those big, shimmering red eyes were wide with fear, lashes trembling.
And pressed against the wall behind him, looming like a living golden sunrise, was the most beautiful woman I had ever seen in my entire life.
Golden hair spilled down her back in thick, glossy waves, catching every stray beam of afternoon light and turning it into molten metal.
Her eyes were the color of fresh honey lit from within, framed by lashes so long and pale-gold they looked like spun sunlight. Full lips painted a soft rose-gold curved into a lazy, knowing smile.
The white fabric of her dress—if you could call that gossamer scrap of cloth a dress—clung to an obscene hourglass figure: breasts so heavy and perfectly rounded they seemed to defy gravity, waist so narrow I could probably circle it with both hands, hips that flared dramatically into thick, creamy thighs that shimmered faintly as though dusted with starlight.
Golden bracelets, anklets, a wide ornate belt carved with sun motifs, a choker that looked more like a royal torc than jewelry. Everything about her screamed divinity and sex in equal measure.
But.
She wasn't cute. So, pass.
"O-Onii-chan…!" Shizuka's voice cracked.
The next second he scrambled up and threw himself at me, burying his face against my chest. His uniform skirt fluttered as he clung.
I automatically wrapped both arms around him, one hand protectively cradling the back of his head.
"It's okay, Shizuka. Onii-chan's here. I won't let anyone hurt you."
I glared over his twin tails at the golden woman.
"Who the hell are you? And what do you want with my brother—who is, by the way, the cutest existence in the entire world?!"
She tilted her head. That smile never wavered, but now it had teeth.
"He truly is the cutest thing I've seen in several centuries," she purred, voice like warm honey dripping over velvet. "But you… oh dear. You really are quite ugly, aren't you?"
"…What did you just call me, you trafficker?!"
A vein throbbed in my temple.
Shizuka peeked out from my chest, tiny hands clutching my shirt. "Wh-what he said…! You pretty goddess!"
I patted his head. "Good boy. Stay behind me and just keep shut, okay? You're helping the enemy."
The goddess—because at this point I was starting to suspect she actually was one—gave a delicate laugh.
"My, my. Thank you for the compliment, little one." She smiled down at Shizuka like he was a baby animal.
Then her gaze slid back to me and immediately curdled. "As for you… I suppose it's only polite to return honesty with honesty. I did say you were ugly. I shouldn't speak such painful truths to the less fortunate. My apologies."
Hah! She didn't sound sorry at all.
I gritted my teeth. "Cut the crap. Why are you bothering my brother?"
"I was merely introducing myself," she said sweetly. "My name is Asherah. Goddess Asherah, if we're being formal. I came from another world in search of an entertainer—Oh my, pardon me, a Hero—to aid me in defeating a certain troublesome Demon Lord."
"Hey, you just said entertainer, didn't you?" I squinted my eyes.
"I said nothing of the sort."
"No, you literally just—"
She waved one elegant golden-nailed hand, cutting me off. Tiny motes of light danced around her fingers.
"As I was saying," she continued smoothly, "I will grant my chosen Hero every possible blessing: overwhelming power, limitless wealth, fame across the continents… and, hehehe…" Her tongue flicked across her lower lip. "As many beautiful women as his heart—or his loins—could ever desire."
Shizuka squeaked and hid his face again.
I felt something cold slide down my spine. Primal fear of losing my brother!
"Wait. Wait wait wait. You're looking at my little brother like he's on the menu."
"He's adorable. Perfect, really. Timid, beautiful, untouched…" She sighed dreamily. "He would make an exquisite pornsta— I mean, Hero. The people would worship him. And the bedroom activities would be—"
"STOP RIGHT THERE!" I shouted, stepping in front of Shizuka completely. "Shizuka is going to die a virgin! You hear me? A VIRGIN! Forever! I won't let some sex-crazed chuunibyou woman drag him off to 'another world' to be your plaything!"
Shizuka's muffled voice came from behind me. "O-Onii-chan… you're correct…!"
I puffed my chest out. His timid support made my heart swell three sizes.
Asherah's smile finally disappeared.
"Tsk." She clicked her tongue. "Oi. What's with you? Can you not fuck with my fun? If you're going to be this annoying, I'll simply take him by force."
Golden particles suddenly swirled around Shizuka's feet.
"Eh—?!"