"Kakashi, do you know where Ren is?"
Kurenai stepped in front of Kakashi. Her long hair was a bit messy, her cheeks slightly flushed.
Kakashi's face didn't change. "Aren't you Ren's teammate? If even you don't know where he is, how would I?"
"But everyone in the Leaf knows you're Ren's best friend."
Kurenai paused, then added, "If there's anyone else who knows where Ren is, it has to be you."
Does everyone in the Leaf know he's Uchiha Ren's best friend?
That claim has a prerequisite: everyone in the Leaf first has to know who Uchiha Ren is.
Kakashi didn't actually think he was Ren's best friend. No one knows how many friends Ren has, just like no one knows how many teachers that scandal-plagued "Child Emperor" has slept with.
If you said Ren is one of Kakashi's best friends, though, that wouldn't be wrong.
Kakashi thought for a moment, then sighed. "I do know where he is. But I think he won't want to see you right now, at least not before sunset."
"Why?" Kurenai's long lashes trembled; her crimson eyes flickered.
She was Ren's teammate, and his almost-girlfriend. In her mind, Ren had no reason not to see her.
"He once said that if there's anything more annoying than the under-twenty drinking ban, it's running into a chatty woman while he's slacking off."
"Slacking off?"
"Slacking off."
Oh.
"I think I know where he is. Thanks, Kakashi."
Kurenai nodded, thanked him, and turned to leave.
Kakashi sighed and quickly followed.
He'd just given Kurenai Ren's location, and Ren would definitely give him grief afterward. Since that was inevitable, why not go along and watch Uchiha Ren get hassled by Kurenai?
The Nanga River runs east-west, cutting across the Leaf Village. Its banks are beautiful upstream and down, with bright mountains and clear waters, but few people ever go downstream.
That's the Uchiha clan's ancestral land.
Kurenai and Kakashi hurried to a "secret spot" downstream on the north bank, a place embraced by forest on three sides with the river gliding past on the fourth.
Uchiha Ren was sprawled in a wide, absurdly comfortable lounge chair, an open book draped over his face, basking in the warm afternoon sun.
To the chair's left sat a long sword and several two-liter bottles of cola. To the right was an IV stand. An upside-down cola bottle hung from the hook, a soft tube running from the cap and disappearing under the open book.
Kakashi was sure the tube's other end was clenched in Ren's mouth.
"Kakashi, you really just delivered me a massive headache."
Ren didn't move. Even though their footsteps were feather-light, he'd already identified them by the tiniest shifts in the air.
"Kurenai figured out you'd be here. That's on her, not me."
"You can say that with a straight face? Doesn't your conscience hurt? Aside from you, the only person who knew I'd be here today was Shisui (my not-by-blood 'little brother'). And he would never sell me out."
Kakashi had no comeback. He changed the subject, looking at the empty bottle on the IV stand. "How long since you finished that one?"
"About two hours."
"Then why not swap it for a new bottle? You've got several right there. You prepped them, didn't you?"
"Because I'm too lazy to move."
Ren still didn't budge. "This chair is soft and perfect, the sunlight is just right, and the air, grass after rain with a hint of flowers, is intoxicating.
All of it together is flawless. Before the sun goes down, I don't want to move a muscle."
What a lazy dog.
Kakashi almost laughed from annoyance, and yes, a bit of envy. The ninja world's situation was treacherous, the Leaf anxious and unsettled, yet Uchiha Ren stayed lazy, upbeat, and good at enjoying life.
Worse, Kakashi still couldn't beat him. That had never changed.
Years ago, Uchiha Ren burst onto the scene as the most gifted of the Uchiha's young generation. From that day, Kakashi swore he'd surpass him.
Even though Ren was four years older, Kakashi was confident. Ren was too lazy, more like a capital noble's son than a ninja.
But years passed, and the gap didn't shrink. If anything, it grew.
Kurenai jogged over, popped the empty bottle off the IV stand, and hung a fresh one. Ren took two happy pulls through the tube and said thanks.
Kakashi glanced at Kurenai and smirked. "You said you won't get up before sunset?"
"Absolutely won't."
"Well, I insist on making you get up."
"You can't. Even if you attack me, you won't make me get up early." Ren sounded completely certain.
He had a hundred ways to knock Kakashi out without leaving that chair, even though Kakashi already had jonin-level strength.
"Maybe I can't. But I know someone who can."
"Who?"
"Another friend of yours. A teammate. Asuma."
Kakashi kept smirking. "You said young men love humiliating another guy in front of the girl they like.
It makes them think they look impressive, and they think the girl will think they look impressive, maybe even like them for it."
Ren said nothing.
Kurenai's expression changed. She understood.
"Today's Asuma's chunin exam," Kakashi went on. "If he passes, he'll come challenge you right away, ideally right in front of Kurenai.
Do the math: when Kurenai came to me, the exam had probably been over for half an hour. Now we're here, so Asuma will be, too."
"You're that sure Asuma can make me stand up?"
"Because Asuma is your friend," Kakashi said, absolutely certain.
It was absurd. Asuma's childhood sweetheart had been taken by Uchiha Ren, yet Asuma could still be his friend. But it was true.
As said, no one knows how many friends Ren has.
"Yeah. Asuma is my friend."
Ren sighed. "Which is why you think I'm hiding on his chunin exam day. And why you brought Kurenai to find me."
Kakashi's face tightened. He realized he'd messed up. He shouldn't have let his tiny thirst for victory, his urge to disrupt Ren's day off, push him to drag Kurenai out here.
Too late for regrets.
Asuma had already arrived. Behind him came Rin Nohara and Obito.
"Ren, I knew Kurenai would look for you. Accept my challenge. I'm a chunin now. This time I'll beat you!"
"Kakashi, I'm challenging you too.
I didn't pass the exam, but beating you is no problem!"
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